Characteristics of mental burn out: Depression and anxiety

Posted by nawras @nawras, Jun 3 5:38pm

I have been a patient of depression and anxiety since I was a little girl…now am on medication steadily 14 years…after family abuse at home ..later a marriage of 21years faced physical & mental , emotional abuse by an Overt Natc husband..then for almost 3 years in a relationship with a Covert Narc that last one took me by surprise I was unprepared mind blown with love bombing..now struggling to break up with the last one after discovering what is Narcissism in first place…what’s it all about that got me into what I call made a mess of me & my life then sat to watch in silence to enjoy all the damage he caused me.Me I was trying to prove him wrong….trying to disentangle myself from a trap or rather to get out a deep pit ..am trying to go to my old self

Hi @nawras and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I can see that you are untangling a lot that is going on and what has gone on in your life. I'd like to bring some other members, like @parus @maryliz @dorisena @januaryjane @jeanie26 into this discussion who also know what is it like to live with lifelong anxiety and depression, as well as dealing with various forms of abuse and narcissism.

@nawras, you titled this discussion with the term burn out. Can you tell me more about that? Feeling emotionally empty?

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This is the first time I have had anyone say that the narcissist sits and enjoys the mess he has made of someone's life. What an understanding! Yes, that is what they do, and I couldn't explain to my family that what my late husband was doing was enjoying making me miserable. You could see him laughing in his eyes when I got upset, so I quit arguing with him and would walk out of the room. It is a terrible mental condition which begins in childhood from trauma of living in an abusive home. Then they never heal and learn bad coping habits, and essentially become con artists and feel the joy of their victories. The lies get worse and worse, every day, and eventually they can become dangerous. Even though I stayed, I urge people to leave such relationships, but then you must still figure out how to live safely because the narcissist thinks he owns you and he should punish you. Nothing is ever his fault. Dorisena

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I know exactly what you mean….laughing in his eyes. I was tormented by my older brother growing up. He did this often. Figured out hes a sociopath and cut him out if my life a few years now. These sort of people only have one thing they care about, themselves or image, power..etc.

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@januaryjane

I know exactly what you mean….laughing in his eyes. I was tormented by my older brother growing up. He did this often. Figured out hes a sociopath and cut him out if my life a few years now. These sort of people only have one thing they care about, themselves or image, power..etc.

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During my troubled years, I could never understand why I was not allowed to say to my family and friends what was going on behind closed doors. Only a doctor had to analyze and determine the degree of mental disorder. Well, no doctor lived in my home and they never met my abuser, so how could they be the one to determine the mental problem? And why are we not believed? Well, yes, it is a sad thing to have to report mental illness and abuse about anyone, especially a loved one or spouse. It is important to live our lives not as victims but as successful, helpful, loving partners and when that is not possible, we need to remove ourselves from abusive environments completely, if possible, so we do not teach the abusive behavior to children by example. I never accepted the idea of taking pills for depression because someone chose to abuse me and get away with it. That is not the answer. The wrong person is taking the pills. I doubt you could rely on the abuser to take pills for bad behavior, either. Separation from the problem is an answer if you can do it safely. Recovery for the victim is possible, however, so I am making good progress on that life. Doris

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The reason we don't make much cultural progress in preventing bullying is that children learn it in the home at an early age, as a fun, teasing thing to do because they don't know how to communicate very well. The previous generations continue the culture they have absorbed. If a person complains, they are told they should be a good sport. That means the young person must accept bigger being powerful over them, for their pleasure. If the recipient doesn't like the teasing behavior or is trickled until he can't breathe, then it is abuse and must be condemned and prevented from happening. People who admired their parents tend to continue the same habits, good, bad, or otherwise. So the progress toward respect and fairness in behavior is slow to change for the better.
We individually must let others know that if we don't like a certain behavior, the perpetrator needs to desist. George Bush said he didn't like broccoli. I don't think he should have to eat it to be a good sport. But Bush gave up drinking because he said he loved wife. I am sure it was an ultimatum by his wife.
It is difficult to count the number of people we know who really don't like us and respect us, regardless how we look or dress. It is much better to associate ourselves with people to have an ability to like us and we like them. I left three churches because I was treated unfairly or verbally abused. Now I am thriving at a church that I feel really promotes love and respect. An angry person wouldn't want to attend this kind of church, so I have much peace of mind which aids my healing. Sometimes forgiveness takes a very long time to achieve. I am having a terrific journey in life near the end of my life and I have learned much and want to share it with those who can understand and be inspired. I don't need a trophy for my life. Peace of mind is enough. Dorisena

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