1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Suggestions on how to tell them they can't go home

Posted by cec75 @cec75, Mar 23, 2023

Ex-husband has been diagnosed with dementia. My son is his guardian and ex is in an assisted living facility near son's home. Ex-husband wants to return to his home out of state and does not know the home has been sold. The assisted living home has a memory care floor but he has not had to go there yet. We do not have resources helping to navigate how to tell him about his home. HELP.

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cec75 | @cec75 | Apr 8, 2023
In reply to @IndianaScott "Good morning, @cec75 My name is Scott and I know this is a tough one for..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

Good morning, @cec75 My name is Scott and I know this is a tough one for sure. One thing to remember is that your ex's dementia might make logical conversations on this, or any topic, impossible. Especially since memory is so often affected early in dementia patients.

If it were me, and this is just my personal opinion, I'd be inclined to stress the importance of safety for him, such as cooking, steps, maintenance, etc. With my wife, I often couched her changes (no driving, hospital bed, and more) in terms of safety for her and others. I also stayed away from using terms like 'never', 'gone', etc. I tried to keep things amorphous, knowing I'd most likely be having to have the same conversation again in the near future.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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Hi Scott,
I am so sorry that you have to navigate the dementia situation. I am not near my ex-husband so I do not interact with him. I do speak with him on the phone though.
I think that my son and DIL have been successful in not having to explain to my ex that he will not be able to go home. For now it appears the storm has passed - evidently, he has forgotten the call about his house being sold.
Sending my best regards in your caregiver role. Stay well and take care.

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