Sucide calls to the police that she's going to kill herself

Sometimes, a regular assisted living facility is not equipped to manage the care of someone with dementia that has progressed past a certain point. Memory Care, assisted living may be necessary to afford her more supervision and oversight. Have you spoken to the AL director about it? Also, she sounds like she’s experiencing mental anguish when she makes the calls. Maybe, her doctor can evaluate her and prescribe medication to help. I don’t know of anyone who has dementia that didn’t have significant depression, anxiety or both.

I hope you find a good solution. Sending well wishes to your mom and family.

My mother made inappropriate calls and the phone issue was a tough one. She also called me up to 37 times a day. She was attached to the cell phone and when I took that and showed her the assisted living landline, she used that less.

In her facility, the calls your mother is making would mean memory care.

Hospice is very helpful for dementia. It is a legitimate hospice diagnosis and doesn't mean death is imminent. My mother was off and on for 3 years at least. You get a nurse, aide, social worker, chaplain, volunteer. I figured the more company for her, the better. (I was there daily too.) Hospice has a lot of medications and doctors and nurses who are experienced in this kind of behavior.

Thank you so much for ALL your suggestions. We have basically done everything you ask above. We moved her into Assisted Living Nov 1, 2024. There is Memory Care in the "facility" she is in, but she's been assessed so many times and she's not there yet. Also, spoke with her Care Coordinator several times the other day. She is on an anti psychotic, anti depressant and anti anxiety meds. I got a great suggestion from a study I'm in about caregivers of Alzheimer's patients. Call the local police precinct and make them aware she's a patient there and can pretty much ignore the calls when she threatens suicide. P.S. There are no sharp objects in her room. Empty threats since this all started....again MANY thanks!

Thank you so much, that is SUPER helpful. We literally are flying by the seat of our pants. I'm so grateful for anyone who has advice and suggestions. As I said to the @celia16, the facility she is in doesn't think she ready for memory care. I've been told she in the longest phase of the disease. We keep having her assessed as we want what is best for her. They keep telling us no...so no it is. And I had NO CLUE that Alzheimer's (which I know is the leading cause of Dementia) qualifies for a hospice diagnosis! Now THAT is GREAT info! I will discuss with my sibs and see what they think. Thank you.

Are you in the NYC area?

No sorry!

By the way we learned that transfer to memory care tended to happen for the facility's benefit, either to address liability (falls, wandering) or a resident who was a nuisance to the facility. They finally- after years- agreed to transfer my mother to memory care when she kept calling the front desk when I made myself less available for a vacation. When I came back and she called me instead, they didn't follow through on the transfer!

I was in the assisted living part almost daily and was constantly being asked by residents which way to go in the hallway etc!

I’ll just add that when my loved one was in regular AL, it was problematic. Every day there was some kind of issue…calls to me from them to come and attend to some issue. Complaints from the facility that I needed to address with her…..I had to leave work almost everyday to go to the facility. My anxiety was out the roof. After I moved her to Memory Care (separate facility) it was like night and day. They told me don’t worry. We’ll care for her and they did. I was informed of any concerns, but they handled it. And, she seemed to immediately relax. It was as if she knew she was in good hands and her anxiety diminished. She took Cymbalta, but was taking it at AL too. Yet in regular AL she struggled.

Good luck with everything. I can’t believe 911 can just ignore a call for help, regardless of what they might have been told in advance. Repeated calls for help from a vulnerable adult would seem to signal that this person was not being supervised. This would concern me. She’s upset enough to call 911, yet no staff to comfort her and prevent the call. Hopefully, they can remedy it.

OMG! That's crazy!!! Since we're in NY, there are mega rules in place. She needs a death sentence basically (like Alzheimer's isn't one) that gives her 6 months to a year to live.
This is what a quick google search for NY State requirements...

"Key criteria for hospice admission in Alzheimer's patients:

Functional decline: Unable to ambulate independently, requiring assistance for activities of daily living like bathing, dressing, and eating.

Communication difficulties: Limited speech to a few intelligible words or phrases, inability to communicate effectively.

Incontinence: Loss of bladder and bowel control.

Nutritional issues: Difficulty swallowing, significant weight loss, or poor appetite.

Advanced FAST stage: Reaching stage 7 or beyond on the Functional Assessment Staging scale.

Medical complications related to dementia: Recurrent infections like pneumonia, pressure ulcers, or significant decline in overall health.

My Mom is on the 3rd floor of the assisted living place. The 4th floor is memory care. Now, I'm wondering how much more we have to go thru till she's deemed ready for that floor. Thank you for your kind words and warm wishes. So grateful to have found this forum!

My LO was in a wheelchair, but could move her feet quite well to scoot around the unit. She qualified easily for Memory Care at age 63, but was there 4 years before she qualified for Hospice. Was on Hospice for 2 years. Sad situation.