Showering refusal

A friend of mine was having that same problem with her mother-in-law with dementia. She asked a friend to come over wearing a white lab coat, like a doctor (try to look/dress as much like a doctor). The “doctor” told the MIL that she must shower. It was required. (Use whatever doctor/nurse like words you can think of). The MIL went and showered because the “doctor” told her to. Your dad may respond better to a male “doctor” friend. The “doctor” can wait in another room - or maybe doesn’t need to stay.

The MIL had known the friend who was dressed as the doctor, but because of dementia no longer recognized her as a friend, and accepted her as a medical professional.

If you’re uncomfortable play-acting doctor, the friend could be a medical assistant, or nurse assistant.

If you’re amenable, you could discuss with doc meds to help with behavioral issues that accompany dementia, especially if becomes verbally abusive.

I discovered with my mom, that her refusal to shower was because she didn't remember all the steps that are involved. She was very overwhelmed and so it was easier to say no to a shower. I successfully helped her to shower using a few techniques. First I use a shower chair. It is comfortable and gives my mom confidence that she will not fall. Second I use a modesty shirt for her since she was shy. This is a long light weight short sleeve big T shirt. This shirt is only for her showers. She mostly showered herself as I spoke each step. I was so happy that I cracked the "shower code" for my mom and that the months without a shower are now in the past.

Refusing showers is quite common with dementia and can be so frustrating. The suggestions above are very good. My dad also went through this. I sensed it was due to him not being comfortable turning on the right faucet, getting dressed and undressed…..avoiding falls….it was just too much for him. Plus…some just don’t like the water on the skin. You might try the disposable washcloths. You can bathe the entire body that way. It’ll be some help until you figure out how to get the shower problem resolved.

My dad refused to allow a bath aid to help him. We had several who came to the house…men and women. Finally after he became bedbound he didn’t protest being bathed.

One thing that worked a little was we’d tell Daddy that his doctor appointment was the next day and he had to shower per doctor’s orders. We would not take a dirty person to the doctor. He believed it and would let my mom assist him into shower chair.

If he’s agitated, I might discuss it with his doctor. There are meds that help.