Permission to rant

Sometimes, it's necessary to "clear the decks" before you can move on.

@4goakley. I like the idea of ranting as long as some rules are followed.
1. Respect for everyone! Even if you don’t agree. And respect for those who can’t speak for themselves, i.e. doctors. They might not have good bedside manners, but they know a lot more than we do.
2. Control! No hollering, referring to others with slurs, etc.
3. Support for everyone involved!
4. Don’t hog the conversation like you’re the only one who knows or has the answer.
5. Anyone with further suggestions?

@becsbuddy I think of ranting as an exaggerated form of venting and it's about talking about one's feelings and frustrations with their situation, their loved one, family or "the system". It is blowng off steam, hopefully in a therapeutic way. Just be respectful, considerate and use common sense. Taking care of a cognitively impaired loved one creates all kind of feelings and emotions, mostly negative. And when not dealt with, they often lead to a lot of anger and depressed feelings. So I think ranting in a respectful way is quite useful.

I belong to another support group (not dementia related) and we vent and rant all the time and it works because everyone is respectful and non judgmental.

My husband is in denial about his cognition issues, and it does make me crazy, sometimes. My son has given me permission to lean on him, but I've always been a fairly stoic, lean on myself type of person, and I feel guilty putting any of this onto his shoulders; but I do get so very angry and have to lock myself in the bathroom until I can calm myself down. My mother had Alzheimers, so I've "been there, done that", and the experience of dealing with her helps a little, but of course, dealing with a spouse is a whole different ballgame. Sometimes, I just want to run away from home...

@lueverson Of course you do. This is a terrible disease and the caretakers, I do believe, suffer the most. You must get help--from friends, family, church, therapist, whomever. This isn't something you can do alone. Lean, lean, lean.

@lueverson I sure understand your feelings and frustrations. But I think it is important (and useful) to lean on your son so that he has a good sense of what you are going through. Vent and rant here all you want, but he is entitled to know how well his mother is handling a very stressful relationship and situation. Perhaps he will be able to provied you some respite from time to time. Let him be useful because there are only so many ways he could help. Don't do it alone. Hugs 🤗🤗🤗

Some days I want to rant ( started an argument with a telemarketer yesterday) and some days just want to cry - like driving to see Mom in memory care, also yesterday. Mostly, I'm numb and shut down. There are very few people who understand in the world outside of dementia. Today, I'd rather disappear.

@tracidw Please don't disappear. We have a new year in front of us, no doubt with more caregiving challenges. Alot of people understand on this Mayo Clinic connect what you are going through - what I am going through. This is more a support chat as I don't know what to see to make you feel better other than you are not alone and no, you should not disappear. I'm taking one day at a time; I'm trying to find gratitude in life, regardless of the MCI outcome. We went for infusions yesterday, one lady that has MCI left the clinic, and stopped the infusion mid way. Her husband thinks she might be frightened. It's all so overwhelming, but I hope your MOM has good care in memory care which makes it a bit easier for you. I'm trying to organize the bills as this year, I'm sure I need to take them over. It's been a bit touchy trying to get my husband to let me join in. Another day.....another hope in the world of caregiving. Happy New Year to every caregiver out there.

@kjc48 Aww, thanks. Half hour after I wrote, I got a call that Mom fell...again. Thankfully, she didn't hit her head and being only 5', she's close to the ground. Thanks for reaching out, for seeing me even when I wanted to be invisible and sending a spark of encouragement.

@tracidw I know. I feel what you are going through. I remember when my mom got sick, I worked in one state, my husband was in an other with work (pre MCI) and my mother was so far away and I'm an only child. I hear you about wanting to be invisible. I can't make it better, but we can lean in, and reach out for help, Talk to each other, encourage each other, and find whatever morsel of help we can get from time to time. I find, for me, just knowing what resources are out there, or I may need, in the future, helps me not be so fearful. I try to read the encouraging posts, glean from the factual posts about this disease, so I'm at least a bit more prepared than I was the day my husband was diagnosed. Try to have as happy a holiday as you can have. We caregivers deserve every bit of peace we can get.