Husband with Parkinson in memory care: We've never been separated

Hi, I moved your question to the Caregivers and the Parkinson's Disease support groups so you can connect with other caregivers who understand, like @trishaanderson @methel @ret2tus @elisabv2u @jmg60 @cmk1952 and others.

@marcusandgizmo, it must be so hard to be separated from your husband for the first time. How long has your husband been in memory care? Does your husband have a diagnosis of dementia as well as Parkinson's?

He has been in memory care since March, I live with my Daughter! My husband and I have been married 19 years. He is still my love no matter what. He was diagnosed about 3-4 years ago. He has progressively has gotten worse. I have disorder as well! I was his caregiver until 1-30-25. He fell and was unconscious and we began our journey then!

He was diagnosed with both!

@marcusandgizmo, thank you for sharing more of your and your husband's journey. It is so hard to see your loved one get progressively worse. It must've been so scary when he fell and was unconscious. I'm glad that you are able to be with your daughter and that you're not alone. How are your visits with your husband?

My visits are mostly good. There are times with him is hard. He suffers with sundowning and you never know how he will be. It is very hard to see him like this, but I try to make each time pleasant. He use to be a strong man and I can see how he has changed.

@marcusandgizmo Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect ! I’m sorry that your husband is in memory care, but with your good attitude, I’m sure he’ll do OK.
Tell us a little more about your husband. When did you first notice that things weren't quite right?

I noticed his tremor in his right hand 4 years ago and it was very mild then. He was seen by his heart doctor and he felt his fine! The 3 years ago it got worse❤️He was then seen in neurology and he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s!

Hello, I feel your pain. My life partner of 49 years moved to a memory care facility in June 2025. He had a small stroke during heart valve replacement surgery about 10 years ago and was slowly declining until about 18 months ago when dementia decline accelerated. 3 mg melatonin around 5 pm daily helped the sundowner syndrome a little, but other symptoms developed (confusion, agitation, incontinence, etc.). It’s not Parkinson’s but results are similar.

Sadly, he caught a virus while waiting for me with a mask during my radiation treatment . We both got sick, but he was hospitalized when he developed pneumonia. He was subsequently hospitalized again for fluid in the lungs. He deteriorated tremendously due to infections and extended hospital stays.

My declining health due to cancer treatment left me with no choice. I muster up all the energy I can to spend 4 hours with him each evening, but I know I am losing him. Some days he doesn’t know who I am and talks about me as a third person. I also call him 2x daily to remind him when I will visit him. It breaks my heart. He had to start seroquel for anxiety and agitation.

I didn’t flinch when my cancer was diagnosed in February 2025, but I have shed many tears since June. All I can do is support him and try to have happy simple conversations. There is no good solution but I was fortunate to find a really nice place. He even has an ocean view from his window.

My mom, his mom, my aunt, and my grandmothers and grandfathers all developed dementia before they passed. It’s never easy, but this time is the most painful. We just have to make the best of it and hope that scientific research results in better medical solutions in the future for others.

Keep your chin up. Try to enjoy the small bright moments together. Getting old is not for sissies, but it generally beats the alternative 🥹

so very sorry to hear that your husband is going through this and you as well. I don’t have any advice, but I want you to know that you will be in my prayers. Being separated from your loved one is a very hard thing you’re not alone.

My stepfather, who married my mother late in life, developed dementia and had to go into a nursing home because he was wandering at night and for other medical reasons. He finally got to the point he didn't know anyone including his own children. It was very sad, but I think more so for his loved ones than for him. He didn't seem to know enough to be sad or homesick.

I know this must be very hard on those of you in that situation now. Just know that they are receiving the care they require and are blessed to have love, support, and visits from you. All of you are in my prayers for increased faith, comfort, strength, and peace.