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Not Incontinence but bathroom messes and clothes soiling
My wife has been rogressing along the dementia path for several years now and is clearly at Stage 5. She is NOT incontinent, but every couple of weeks she will get totally confused in the main bathroom (tile floor fortunately) and I will find her standing surrounded with poop. She wears wool clogs and I have to run them in the machine to clean after this, using OxiClean along with detergent. One time that didn't total work on odor, so I used my ozone generator in a cardboard box to treat them. Fortunately that worked. The cleanup in the bathroom is major. But even worse is that she wears nothing but dresses and has given up on underwear. Not that it would make any difference. Her current dress has dried poop on it, on the inside surfaces. Fortunately, after it is dried, it doesn't seem to smell like dog poop would. But one can make out dicoloration on the outside of the dress that hints at an issue. She absolutely refuses to change her dress or be cleaned in any manner. To the point of becoming combative if you try and force the issue. On normal days, she does wipe herself but puts the tissue in a drawer, not the toilet. That is rritating but not the wrost problem. Who knows the condition of her body when she has the big blowout. She is on Lexapro daily, and the doctor has given me Ativan to give before trying to change clothes/bathe. The last blowout was after I gave that to her, so I am nervous about trying it again. We have a caregiver come in once a week, but that company has said they can assist, but can't make her do anything. It is mostly just to visit with her (they get along great). I am at a total loss as to what to do....
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That sounds extremely stressful and frustrating. My dad is starting to have bathroom mishaps, but is able to clean himself. When he can no longer do that, we’ll seek placement. I realize that is an individual thing.
Resistance to care can be a huge impediment to a person remaining in the home. I know that my cousin was somewhat resistant when I placed her in Memory Care. The staff there were trained and they never had any problems with her. At the regular Assisted Living she refused to bathe, shower or change clothes. At Memory Care it went quite well and she allowed them to handle all her hygiene care, as she was fully incontinent.
Have you tried playing music when you try to clean her up? The Memory Care staff often played music when they showered the residents. Also, promising a special treat sometimes helps, if they will cooperate, there’s ice cream or another treat they enjoy.
Good luck with everything. I might discuss it with her doctor and explore the options. It sounds like a situation that isn’t sustainable without much more help. I hope you can get help. That’s a very intense situation. So sorry.
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3 Reactions@spolson53 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m so glad you found the site and felt comfortable enough to start a discussion. Sounds like a horrible situation you’re in. I agree with @celia16 who gave you the idea to get help from her doctor. Let’s also hear from other members.
What are your thoughts about the problem?
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1 ReactionThank you for sharing. This last year I have had some of these issues with my husband. The best that we do is using body wipes but that too is a struggle. Changing clothes is a fight. He prefers having day clothes on to sleep that way he eliminates having to change his clothes when he wakes up in the morning. It seems when I reach a point of tolerating some of his actions a new one pops up.
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