No one likes to repeat themselves, apparently

Posted by ltecato @ltecato, Sep 19, 2021

Last night I Googled “why do people hate to repeat themselves?” I didn’t expect to find much but right up at the top were some people on Quora explaining that they get physically ill if asked to repeat a statement more than once.

One reason is they refuse to accept that anyone has a hard time understanding them unless they are “not listening hard enough.” Others say they consider it a personal attack if anyone asks them to repeat themselves. It’s like they assume that they are being accused of mumbling or they think someone is giving them a hard time because they have an unfamiliar accent.

So give me a rough estimate: How many times can you ask someone to repeat themselves before they have a mental meltdown. My guess would be three, on average. People with “normal” hearing are pretty fragile at times. Even people who can see my hearing aid and have been told in advance that my hearing is poor. Even people who should know better, including some medical providers.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Hearing Loss Support Group.

@julieo4

Definitely drugs can be ototoxic. Even commonly used painkillers like asprin can be problematic for some people. Many that end in mycin or mycyn are on the ototoxic list. I posted that list a while back, but am not sure where to find it. Definitely ask your audiologist. Distortion is usually sensorineural hearing loss. Tinnitus can complicate that too. I hope you get some answers at your upcoming appointment. Please keep me posted.

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hi what i don't understand in my hearing test is they give me headphone in each ear separately, and clearly say a word and i clearly hear it and repeat it to them, and they give me a good score, for each ear; yet after taking earbuds out and, after, chatting with them before I leave, I cant understand/hear half of what they are saying? i cant hear half of what my husband is saying but I am upstairs and can hear him stir his coffee! along with that moderate hearing loss i have tinnitus 24/7, ear pain, fullness, echo and right ear more sore than left and sometimes ear and cheek feel numb but I can feel my finger touching skin..... its such a mystery to me. am in a small town and maybe its time to visit a teaching hospital or such. along with other illnesses it goes get to me, although i do realize from reading personal stories here, it could be a lot, lot worse.....am sorry about that.

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@lacy2

hi what i don't understand in my hearing test is they give me headphone in each ear separately, and clearly say a word and i clearly hear it and repeat it to them, and they give me a good score, for each ear; yet after taking earbuds out and, after, chatting with them before I leave, I cant understand/hear half of what they are saying? i cant hear half of what my husband is saying but I am upstairs and can hear him stir his coffee! along with that moderate hearing loss i have tinnitus 24/7, ear pain, fullness, echo and right ear more sore than left and sometimes ear and cheek feel numb but I can feel my finger touching skin..... its such a mystery to me. am in a small town and maybe its time to visit a teaching hospital or such. along with other illnesses it goes get to me, although i do realize from reading personal stories here, it could be a lot, lot worse.....am sorry about that.

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Are they testing you with earbuds or headphones? Ear buds are more 'invasive' and do not reflect normal hearing. Most audiologists test with headphones. Also, wondering if they tested you with speech in noise, which is called the SPIN test. That is a far more accurate test than listening to a list of words w/o any background noise.

It sounds like you are hearing some sounds over others.Stirring coffee? Did the person who tested your hearing share your audiogram with you? You should ask for a copy so if you go elsewhere for testing they will be able to compare tests.

Some people have what is called a 'cookie bite' hearing loss. Their audiogram shows a completely different set of data than most of them do. Most people with hearing loss have problems with high frequencies, but those with cookie bite hearing loss hear the high tones but not the low tones. There are a lot of variables.

If there is a university or teaching hospital in your region, it might be wise to go there for further testing. Be sure to take a written list of everything you have described if/when you go.

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@julieo4

Are they testing you with earbuds or headphones? Ear buds are more 'invasive' and do not reflect normal hearing. Most audiologists test with headphones. Also, wondering if they tested you with speech in noise, which is called the SPIN test. That is a far more accurate test than listening to a list of words w/o any background noise.

It sounds like you are hearing some sounds over others.Stirring coffee? Did the person who tested your hearing share your audiogram with you? You should ask for a copy so if you go elsewhere for testing they will be able to compare tests.

Some people have what is called a 'cookie bite' hearing loss. Their audiogram shows a completely different set of data than most of them do. Most people with hearing loss have problems with high frequencies, but those with cookie bite hearing loss hear the high tones but not the low tones. There are a lot of variables.

If there is a university or teaching hospital in your region, it might be wise to go there for further testing. Be sure to take a written list of everything you have described if/when you go.

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@julie thank you for answer... well i am a senior with lots of issues live at home with spouse; as i may have said tinnitus gadually over years became almost 24,7; hearing loss they call moderate; seems to be similar test each time ... we have about 4 audiologist offices where i live in Ontario north. I ask for a copy of the test each time. 2 or 3 yrs ago i tried temporary hearing aids, but wasnt well at all and they keps squealing when put in and out and also made loud noises louder, so when i had test again this year he said if they didnt work last time wont work this time.

its odd that just with a few family members talking i cant hear half of what is said.. although they dont really make an effort to face me etc., yet if i put a plastic jug down a bit too heavy on plastic counter it doesnt hurt my ears but sounds loud.. certain tones i suppose. 2 ents here and 2 yr waiting list for one and a yar for other and i waited year and he phoned me and was really upset i had been referred to him for ear pain by on line doctor saying had more urgent patients etc etc. my spouse heard him,

i wrote a nice letter apoogizing if i had said somethingthat upset him and he phoned again aplogizing but basically saying perhaps ear pain from neck or previous tmj etc. honestly julie i could go on and on with the story; i did go to next town and ent rude to staff and dismissed me saying use nasal rinses etc. one thing is that i have had mucous from right nose for over a year but no one wants to kow and its in abundance, clear, no blood, mucous on and off all day yet ent said use rinses in nose for crusts.. havent had a crust in my nose since i was five !

anyway, what is worse than the tinnitus, machinery noise, and pain in ears and sinus muscous is pressure in and around ears and now jaw pain back but dentist doesnt say tmj...

and its because of narrow angle glaucoma, cannot take a lot of meds. i have spoken about it on here. Antidperssants... steroids... travel pills, .. few other types of pills raise eye pressure ... if i take them eye pressure could suddenly raise and no emerency ophthalmologist works nights at our local hosptial, and i did go to Toronto 2018 and was told not to take them, with narrow angles could lose vision..

i have been walking a tightrope trying to cope with it all since 2018 when diagnosed and also got cdiff from too many antibiotics for utis...dealign with it at home and over 100 antibiotics....i have mentioned this on here before then take a break from my story, then like tonight 2.30 am and every night woken by noise.. is it my tinnitus or a neighbours poolheater, or trans canada pipeline or this or that...

at almost 78 i am running out of steam. SORRY to go on and on but i feel i not only fell through the cracks but having no fam dr for 2 yrs and one before nor caring...feel I am on my own.

I lie here thinking of wishing to fall asleep and not wake up.. i read stories from others on here about what they are going through and admire them, i dont know how they do it.

I have ocular migraines, ibs=d, fecal incontinence , which is horrible; P.N. and diagnozed over internet Essential Tremors.and some other odds and ends.. . i envy people who live in larger cities with teaching hospitals etc but with all my assortment of ills and esp. fecal incontinence cannot travel too far... diapers do not hold diarrhea And where could zI change , in a restaurant washroom along the highway?....and wash on a 4 hour drive each way, its impossible.

Not looking for sympathy.... and not telling half the story, but i not only feel i fell through the crack but the crack has been filled in with cement and i cant get out... like being in a maze and i am sure am not the only person this is happening to.

I almost just deleted this as seems like a rant and I am whining yet read about people have such more serious issues, but the fact i cannot take many meds and long wait for specialists, years, and have spent most of past 2 yrs in bedroom, not the way i thought i would pass the last years of my life.

Bless you for answering; bless all those dealing with ill health issue, multiple health issues and the "good" doctors who are actually helping their patients to the best of their abilities instead of almost dismissing them.

Well almost 3 so another you tube tape to listen to, at least can put ipad next to face and hear what he is saying! Thanks again and sorry for rambling!! I will keep doing my best but its a daily challenge for sure! Take care, stay safe, J.

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@lacy2

@julie thank you for answer... well i am a senior with lots of issues live at home with spouse; as i may have said tinnitus gadually over years became almost 24,7; hearing loss they call moderate; seems to be similar test each time ... we have about 4 audiologist offices where i live in Ontario north. I ask for a copy of the test each time. 2 or 3 yrs ago i tried temporary hearing aids, but wasnt well at all and they keps squealing when put in and out and also made loud noises louder, so when i had test again this year he said if they didnt work last time wont work this time.

its odd that just with a few family members talking i cant hear half of what is said.. although they dont really make an effort to face me etc., yet if i put a plastic jug down a bit too heavy on plastic counter it doesnt hurt my ears but sounds loud.. certain tones i suppose. 2 ents here and 2 yr waiting list for one and a yar for other and i waited year and he phoned me and was really upset i had been referred to him for ear pain by on line doctor saying had more urgent patients etc etc. my spouse heard him,

i wrote a nice letter apoogizing if i had said somethingthat upset him and he phoned again aplogizing but basically saying perhaps ear pain from neck or previous tmj etc. honestly julie i could go on and on with the story; i did go to next town and ent rude to staff and dismissed me saying use nasal rinses etc. one thing is that i have had mucous from right nose for over a year but no one wants to kow and its in abundance, clear, no blood, mucous on and off all day yet ent said use rinses in nose for crusts.. havent had a crust in my nose since i was five !

anyway, what is worse than the tinnitus, machinery noise, and pain in ears and sinus muscous is pressure in and around ears and now jaw pain back but dentist doesnt say tmj...

and its because of narrow angle glaucoma, cannot take a lot of meds. i have spoken about it on here. Antidperssants... steroids... travel pills, .. few other types of pills raise eye pressure ... if i take them eye pressure could suddenly raise and no emerency ophthalmologist works nights at our local hosptial, and i did go to Toronto 2018 and was told not to take them, with narrow angles could lose vision..

i have been walking a tightrope trying to cope with it all since 2018 when diagnosed and also got cdiff from too many antibiotics for utis...dealign with it at home and over 100 antibiotics....i have mentioned this on here before then take a break from my story, then like tonight 2.30 am and every night woken by noise.. is it my tinnitus or a neighbours poolheater, or trans canada pipeline or this or that...

at almost 78 i am running out of steam. SORRY to go on and on but i feel i not only fell through the cracks but having no fam dr for 2 yrs and one before nor caring...feel I am on my own.

I lie here thinking of wishing to fall asleep and not wake up.. i read stories from others on here about what they are going through and admire them, i dont know how they do it.

I have ocular migraines, ibs=d, fecal incontinence , which is horrible; P.N. and diagnozed over internet Essential Tremors.and some other odds and ends.. . i envy people who live in larger cities with teaching hospitals etc but with all my assortment of ills and esp. fecal incontinence cannot travel too far... diapers do not hold diarrhea And where could zI change , in a restaurant washroom along the highway?....and wash on a 4 hour drive each way, its impossible.

Not looking for sympathy.... and not telling half the story, but i not only feel i fell through the crack but the crack has been filled in with cement and i cant get out... like being in a maze and i am sure am not the only person this is happening to.

I almost just deleted this as seems like a rant and I am whining yet read about people have such more serious issues, but the fact i cannot take many meds and long wait for specialists, years, and have spent most of past 2 yrs in bedroom, not the way i thought i would pass the last years of my life.

Bless you for answering; bless all those dealing with ill health issue, multiple health issues and the "good" doctors who are actually helping their patients to the best of their abilities instead of almost dismissing them.

Well almost 3 so another you tube tape to listen to, at least can put ipad next to face and hear what he is saying! Thanks again and sorry for rambling!! I will keep doing my best but its a daily challenge for sure! Take care, stay safe, J.

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Hi @lacy2, Rambling is allowed. Good for you for continuing to do your best in face of so many medical challenges. I'm glad that you posted in the Aging Well group in this discussion:
- Where to start with multiple conditions? Symptoms don't add up https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/peculiar-symptoms-that-dont-add-up-bowel-and-ear-pain/

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Never ask them to repeat. Instead, ask someone, after saying you are hearing challenged or have difficulty understanding them (like you might with a strong accent), please REPHRASE or RESTATE .
Then they must think (not repeat) what the nitty gritty of their thought is, and say that clearer, hopefully slower, and you get the tree description rather than the forest

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If I am in contact with new folks, I let them know my hearing is impaired, so please excuse me if I have to ask you to repeat and they usually speak clearly. For the ones I am around normally, they know of my hearing loss and hopefully speak up, but not always and I don't feel bad asking them to repeat.

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Thank you for those comments. The best advice I ever received about my hearing and relationship to others was that I am solely responsible for my hearing and it was necessary to assure I place myself in the best possible way to hear the person, audios, etcc. When I was elected to lead a national conference-symposium, for the first time in my career and life I announced my hearing loss and acknowledged that I may have to ask to repeat questions. I provided extra microphone stations to encourage more participation. Afterwards, many attendees thanked me for that as they admitted that all too often they could not hear everything from audience participation.Best was the mental relief of much anxiety.

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@th1

Never ask them to repeat. Instead, ask someone, after saying you are hearing challenged or have difficulty understanding them (like you might with a strong accent), please REPHRASE or RESTATE .
Then they must think (not repeat) what the nitty gritty of their thought is, and say that clearer, hopefully slower, and you get the tree description rather than the forest

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I like this recommendation - usually folks just repeat the whole thing just as fast and just as unintelligible to me - one would hope they can actually do this for you. A few weeks ago, an unknown someone called me and after telling them 3x that they were speaking too fast and I could not understand, I got frustrated and said (yelled) I can't hear you and hung up! Your suggestion might get them to stop and think!

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messaging on cell phone .... you speak, the phone converts to text, you read..
perhaps we need something like this 24/7 not just for tel calls.

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"No one" is an exaggeration; there are OBVIOUSLY people who love repeating themselves, and obviously people who simply don't mind it.

I hate it because I speak as precisely as possible. If you don't understand me the first time, then there is literally no way you can understand at all.

Also, some people really do pretend not to understand you. It's a way of gaslighting you into believing you are "incoherent", and/or gives them an excuse to ignore uncomfortable truths.

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