No one likes to repeat themselves, apparently

Posted by ltecato @ltecato, Sep 19 1:20pm

Last night I Googled “why do people hate to repeat themselves?” I didn’t expect to find much but right up at the top were some people on Quora explaining that they get physically ill if asked to repeat a statement more than once.

One reason is they refuse to accept that anyone has a hard time understanding them unless they are “not listening hard enough.” Others say they consider it a personal attack if anyone asks them to repeat themselves. It’s like they assume that they are being accused of mumbling or they think someone is giving them a hard time because they have an unfamiliar accent.

So give me a rough estimate: How many times can you ask someone to repeat themselves before they have a mental meltdown. My guess would be three, on average. People with “normal” hearing are pretty fragile at times. Even people who can see my hearing aid and have been told in advance that my hearing is poor. Even people who should know better, including some medical providers.

YES! I don't think people like to repeat themselves. Additionally, asking people to speak louder usually results in them repeating what they said at the same volume. It's very frustrating.

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@sam2678 and @ltecato

I find that instead of asking people to repeat themselves….tell them what you heard and have them just fill in what you missed. For example, they say “we are going to lunch at Brazizzios restaurant”
You heard everything but the name of the restaurant so you say” we are going to lunch …where?”
Or have them rephrase what they said if possible. Some words just elude me so asking for a different word or even spelling helps me. In some form or another just tell them what you heard and they will fill in for you. This method gets their attention and they are more apt to say things more slowly and look directly at you. I have a profound hearing loss and this works exceedingly well for me.

People generally are very patient and willing to help.

And yes , people get tired of repeating. Because of my hearing, if I got nothing of what they were talking about, I just explain that they need to look at me so I can “read” their lips. Volume only distorts so correct with misunderstanding right away. I don’t accept “Oh never mind, it’s not important” That’s very dismissive.

FL Mary

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I think that's a great strategy! It would help me quite a bit with one of my friends who, when asked to repeat what she said, usually only repeats the tail end of the sentence.

When I first experienced SNHL and had only a bit of hearing in my left ear to get me through until I found a solution, I was incredibly frustrated by people not speaking up when I asked them to. I learned that we have an invisible impairment and, because we don't visibly show signs of impairment, people kind of don't realize that it's real–I really CAN'T hear you and NEED you to speak up. Tricky and frustrating perceptions to navigate around.

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@sam2678

I think that's a great strategy! It would help me quite a bit with one of my friends who, when asked to repeat what she said, usually only repeats the tail end of the sentence.

When I first experienced SNHL and had only a bit of hearing in my left ear to get me through until I found a solution, I was incredibly frustrated by people not speaking up when I asked them to. I learned that we have an invisible impairment and, because we don't visibly show signs of impairment, people kind of don't realize that it's real–I really CAN'T hear you and NEED you to speak up. Tricky and frustrating perceptions to navigate around.

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I have decided to try deliberately giving nonsense responses. Like when a nurse asks me a question that I can’t understand, I’ll respond “yes, George C. Scott did win an Oscar that year. I remember quite clearly!” Or “I think that was Willie Stargell but it might have been Roberto Clemente.” Or “Yes, I have two cats. Can’t you tell by the scars on my hands and forearms?”

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I have no problem whatsoever repeating myself when someone asks. I'm just happy I have people to talk to at my age. The only time I can recall asking someone to repeat what they said, is possibly if I'm involved in another project – reading – cooking – etc. and they walk in unexpectedly and begin talking. I might not catch the beginning in that case.

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@sam2678

I think that's a great strategy! It would help me quite a bit with one of my friends who, when asked to repeat what she said, usually only repeats the tail end of the sentence.

When I first experienced SNHL and had only a bit of hearing in my left ear to get me through until I found a solution, I was incredibly frustrated by people not speaking up when I asked them to. I learned that we have an invisible impairment and, because we don't visibly show signs of impairment, people kind of don't realize that it's real–I really CAN'T hear you and NEED you to speak up. Tricky and frustrating perceptions to navigate around.

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@sam2678

I was told of that strategy so many years ago. It’s always best to let people who don’t know you be aware of your loss. Even with hearing aids and cochlear implants people don’t really notice you have them. It’s a good opportunity to educate others and advocate for yourself …always with a smile and briefly…becomes second nature.

I visit a large eye clinic about every two months and I have a ready made sign to have for the Doctors assistant to bring with her or him when they call my name. It says…Patient has hearing loss…may not hear name called..Please bring notice you when you call my name.
My name is on it and it is current y on bright yellow paper so I can usually see it on top of a chart when they cone out.

Sometimes you really have to plan your encounters. Hearing loss is not your fault so why not make it easy on yourself. 90% of the people I come across appreciate knowing and are helpful. I have had “encounters” with the other 10%.

FL Mary

PS There are many conversations about hearing loss here on the forum. Just put Hearing loss in the subject or topic area and see all the goodies you come up with.

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@ltecato

I have decided to try deliberately giving nonsense responses. Like when a nurse asks me a question that I can’t understand, I’ll respond “yes, George C. Scott did win an Oscar that year. I remember quite clearly!” Or “I think that was Willie Stargell but it might have been Roberto Clemente.” Or “Yes, I have two cats. Can’t you tell by the scars on my hands and forearms?”

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@ltecato

I don’t think that is wise. It might make the speaker antagonistic or annoyed at you….maybe not their fault you didn’t understand first time around. Why get off to a bad start.

FL Mary

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Because I’m tired of waiting for accommodations that could have been in place in 1991, a year after ADA passed. Thirty years is long enough to wait, in my opinion.

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@ltecato
I think your expecting too much from people. I don't have a hearing problem but sometimes I wish I did so I didn't hear the cruel comments having Epilepsy brings. People have been waiting since the dawn of time for better acceptance.
I believe thinking society is going to change quickly enough to accommodate our disabilities is little more than wishful thinking. Yes, the passage of the ADA has helped some but often not without legal assistance.
I think you would do well in paying close attention and putting into practice Fl Marys's (@imallears) suggestions. I believe your approach will only make your life more uncomfortable and perpetuate the stigmas associated with so many disabilities. Having a disability gives us a unique insight and opportunity which we should use to at least try to educate people. Yes, often people will stick to their antiquated beliefs and we will suffer because of those ideas but we must persevere in our quest.
Jake

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Yeah I tried being nice for the first 40 years after I started going deaf. It has gotten me nothing. I am tired of being nice. Others can go their own way. I really don’t expect support.

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@ltecato

Just curious as to why you initially posted on this very supportive forum. Not being combative…just wondering. If it’s just for venting, that’s fine as we all need to do that occasionally and others have done so here.

FL Mary

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Every time someone mentions the ADA, I have a flashback to what happened right after it was introduced. At the time I lived in a fair-sized city (Portland, OR), and the city fathers decided that they needed to provide slanted ramps at all major street crossings to make it easier for those in wheelchairs. Great…except that at the time I was really fighting hard to stay upright with Meniere's, and the ramps only made it far more difficult. I quickly learned to not cross at the corners but to step down off the sidewalk before the corners. That was difficult, but not nearly as much as dealing with the slanted cement. I worked hard on vestibular rehab and can handle almost any challenge as a result, but those first four years, before someone explained VRT, were a challenge every day. Still, I thought it was pretty funny that an accommodation for one type of disability would make life a bit more challenging for someone with a different disability.

I agree that, even at a hearing or CI center, the nurse comes out, mumbles a name and expects the correct patient in the room full of HOH people to respond. I understand the problem at other doc's offices, but it amazes me that places that specialize in treating people with hearing problems don't have a better way to announce the name of the next patient! Docs at hearing centers are just as prone to talk with their backs turned, too. I can usually puzzle out what people are saying IF they're facing me, but whatever they say with their backs turned always is largely a mystery. Asking politely for them to repeat what you missed often really annoys them, too…in spite of the fact that you made the appt. in an attempt to hear better. <g>

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