No More Psyche Meds!

I took my last psychiatric med last night 20mg of Latuda.

In June I almost blew my head off with a shotgun.

In July I started a physician approved titration off the following meds:

Lithium 900mg for fifteen years.
Venlafaxine 450mg for fifteen years.
Bupropion 450mg for fifteen years.
Hydrocodone three years.
Meclizine three years.
Latuda 40mg two years.
Lorazpam 1mg as needed.
Ferrous Sulfate fifteen years.
Pantoprazole fifteen years.
Xarelto ten years.
Propranolol five years.
Seroquel five years
Prednisone five years.
Albultirol five years
Benzonatate five years
Aripiprazole one year.
Caplyta one year.

I also had in the past three years Electro Convulsive Therapy, TMS, Ketamine and countless hours of psychotherapy (at least the therapy helped).

I now take:

a low level blood pressure med that is due to be discounted shortly as it was only prescribed to deal with discontinuation effects.

Tamsulosin also soon to be discontinued to as I do not have an enlarged prostate, more med side effects.

And 100 mg of endogenous testosterone weekly also soon to be discounted as my low testosterone was a side effect of the antidepressants.

By December all I will take is a multi vitamin.

I am a white, sixty year old, average guy. There is nothing special about me.

My journey through hell began fifteen years ago when I thought I was depressed and tired and my life seemed pointless. I was a wealthily, married to a wonderful woman with whom I share four incredible children.

I also worked too much, was obese, ate all the wrong food and didn't exercise at all. We had money but I was killing myself. My wife told me, but not one doctor, to this day, ever said anything about my lifestyle choices.

Fifteen years latter, my wife had to leave me, my children have had nothing to do with me for ten years, I spent two and half years in prison for an assault I committed during a psychotic episode.

I live on SSDI, I am broken and alone.

Yet I rejoice! I have my life back!

My grief threatens to overwhelming me at times, but grief is not depression. In fact if I wasn't grief stricken there would be something wrong with me.

I am a real person. I am not making any of this up. I just happened to have survived when so many who suffer do not. Do I still wish on some days that I had died before I hurt so many people?

Sure, but now I have the opportunity to rewrite the narrative of my life and maybe even apologize to my ex-wife and children.

Maybe just maybe I have something to offer this world that I can be proud of.

Maybe just maybe I can be remembered for something other than a monster to be feared or victim to be pitied.

My journey home started when I began questioning everything.

The information is everywhere. All I needed was to Google my questions and the answers were right there.

If even one person reading this can find peace then maybe I can make some sense of my life.

Thank you to all of you who have read my posts and been so supportive.

Thank you to Mayo Clinic for hosting this site.

Mayo Clinic its your turn; take what you have learned from all the suffering of the members of this board and heal people...if not you who?!

I hope everyone finds the peace they deserve!