No More Psyche Meds!

Congratulations on your success.
It sounds like it has been a long, difficult road.
Thank you for sharing and giving others hope in their own unique situations.
Ginger

Thank you for your very kind words!

I do not feel like a success. That I am alive today to type this note is either an accident of fate or some some loving deities plan. I do not and can not know.

I know few things for sure, one of them is that my failure to take responsibility for my own well being, my unconscious path through life caused tremendous suffering to more people then I will ever know.

Of those closest to me who counted on me, who loved and sacrificed so much for me none suffered more than my wife and children.

I was hauled off to prison by a SWAT team while my children watched “Kung Fu Panda” in the media room.

My wife was left sobbing at the local jail contemplating her life without her husband and her children’s father. They would loose their homes and be forced on to public assistance.

All because I failed to ask questions. I didn’t want to do anything. I want a magic pill. Sadly it was all too easy to find a doctor (first one I saw actually) who would give it to me.

If all that I have detailed could happen to me; a rich, prominent white male, in the prime of his life, living the American Dream it can and does happen to anyone and everyone.

I do not think there is that much unique about me. I think I lived my life unconsciously. I think I made few actually decisions. I think I acted predominantly off of my emotions. I think I pursued what society had programmed me to pursue.

If my life is to make sense at all it is as an example to others of what not to do. Please if you are reading these words do not stumble unconsciously through life. To be conscious is painful yes, but there are moments of joy interspersed here and there.

To be unconscious is to feel and cause suffering pointlessly.

I did not cause all this destruction on my own. I had enablers; unquestioning, unconscious and sometimes arrogant health care providers.

If I survive my grief I will do what I can to deliver a wake-up call to the mental healthcare system.

There are a handful of special providers who are making a difference, Mayo Clinic is one of them. Being a member of this community has given me purpose and yes, kept me from pulling the trigger more often than I care to admit.

To those who direct Mayo Clinic; there is so much more that can be done. Do not stop at anything to help.

My guess is that in our society there is not a soul who does not suffer from some form of what we now call mental illness but I choose to think of as soul sickness.

I now know for me there is no greater power in the universe than love. Love writ large. The kind of love that can give me the courage to embrace my demons and see them for what they are; my broken spirit.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my words and reflect on what they mean to you.

I am one person. But I believe my experience is everyone’s experience to one degree or another. I am not special in anyway. Everyone can heal!

I hope everyone (including me) find the peace they deserve.

Thanks for your post. I found it very moving.

I've had schizoaffective disorder for 40 years, but my life is rather calm. I've had about 30 hospitalizations in the past, but due to my current medical regimen, I have not had a major hospitalization for over 20 years. I am a passionate artist and writer and focus my life on these pursuits. Unfortunately,, the medications I take havea lot of medical side effects, so I'm thinking of changing my regimen.

I wish you the best of luck in your mental health journey. You are a special person.

@dfb that’s quite a selection of meds you’re on and some of them you maybe shouldn’t be off of for medical purposes. I hope you’re not weaning off everything you listed? A very tuff road you’ve been down and it shows how fragile life can be. Hope you continue to find peace and health.

With the help of three providers; psychiatric, primary care and psychotherapists, plus a pulmonologist added for good measure. I will be free of all of the listed medications by the end of the year.

The only psychiatric medication I am on at this time is 20mg of Latuda. Frankly, at 20mg it is more to make everyone else feel better.

I still take a low dose of lisinopril because of slightly elevated blood pressure, a side effect of the psych meds. Tamsulosin for an enlarged prostate that is no longer enlarged, (psych med side effect), will be discontinued at my next doctors visit. And 100mg of exogenous testosterone to address my suppressed testosterone levels, another psych med side effect.

So, one psych med and two side effect meds all expected to be gone in another thirty days plus/minus a week or two.

The questions my providers now must wrestle with is:

Am I cured?
Was I misdiagnosed to begin with?
Have I simply willed myself well?

When I went to see a psychiatrist fifteen years ago I was not taking any medication for anything.

The answer is simple, I was misdiagnosed as have been millions of other people.

The psychiatric medications caused, (and continue to do to millions of other people), all of the other problems.

Healthcare of all types, but especially mental health, is a built on a medication first model. When all of the evidence is clear that what I eat, how much I exercise and how well I sleep account for the overwhelming majority of my health and wellness. This is not my opinion but science.

Unbiased credible research by the leading institutions is everywhere. A simple Google search answered all my questions. Shame on me for not asking them sooner.

The society I live in is organized around the idea that wealth creation is an end unto itself. That society gave rise to Big Pharmaceutical Companies. Big Pharma came up with the best business model ever created.

Give the masses a pill to address the anguish they feel from living in a broken world. If that pill can numb them sufficiently they will not ask any questions. Better yet, if it can make them even sicker so that they take more pills we, The Company can make even more money.

I do not blame big Pharma for giving me what I wanted anymore than I blame the tobacco industry or the alcohol industry for giving me what I wanted.

Shame on me for asking for easy fixes to complicated issues. In a Capitalist system if there is a need someone will meet that need. That is the strength of Capitalism.

My desire/need for easy answers destroyed my life and the lives of those I love. The drug dealers just sold me what I wanted.

Who is to blame?

It doesn’t really matter.

I am a product of my genetics and my environment. I can not change my genetics, (yet anyway), but I can change my environment.

I choose, to the extent I actually choose anything, to live in an environment that promotes wellness not illness.

I didn’t know before, now I do.

The rest is on me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

I hope you live in peace everyday of your life.

Wow, your story sounds similar to my own life. I’m 65 and have been on psych meds, in hospitals and in and out of therapy since the age of 17.
That’s when my parents decided I had a problem. Back then mental health care had much to be desired. I’ve been on so many meds I can’t remember them all.
I was diagnosed with BPD and all its stigma. Fast forward to today….I’m only on a low dose of Cymbalta, mainly for Fibromyalgia pain. And I plan to stop this soon so I can “ feel” some emotions before I die!
I found out a couple decades ago I was misdiagnosed and actually have PTSD from childhood abuse, ADD, and autism.
I feel that a lifetime has been wasted. I’ve made so many mistakes, and without the proper treatment for what was really wrong, I never got much better. Age has just mellowed me out.

Thank you for your comments, they mean a great deal to me.

The healthcare system in this country is broken. Doctors have become hammers looking for nails.

The result is a shameful amount of increased suffering and death throughout all modalities.

One need only look at how we compare to the rest of the industrialized world to realize that despite spending the most money in the world the people of this country have been betrayed.

There are a number of reasons why we are in the state we are in, but the overwhelming reason is the profit motive behind the heath (sick) care industry.

Mental health care is by far the worst part of the broken system.

It can be fixed, but not by the minds that created it.

In the meantime I have come to believe that as far as my health is concerned it’s up to me to ask the write questions and demand rational answers,

I hope we all find the peace we deserve.

I hear 'ya.

I've been on the carousel since being "diagnosed" w/BPD in fall, 2009. I'd had mixed symptoms for about 20 years prior, and went on an alcohol bender, had a total blackout and wound up in a psych ward for a day after a failed suicide attempt ( which I had no recollection of, due to the blackout). Some guy there, on the basis of a few questions said, "You're bipolar" and off we go. Been on so many drugs since that I can't recall all and my health went down the toilet: massive weight gain, blood sugar problems, mood numbing, cognitive deterioration, and paranoia bad enough to turn me into a hermit. Last fall I started having muscle twitches, read up about Tardive Dyskinesia and said, "That's it! I fought my shrinks and have ditched the very evil drug Zyprexa and am on a fairly low maintenance dose of Lamictal (200 mg/day). These changes have restored my emotions and the paranoia and twitches have disappeared. I've lost 40 lbs., blood sugar's stabilized (still higher than I'd like, but below pre-diabetes threshold). Withdrawal wasn't as bad as I expected: I'd read a lot of horror stories.

I've made a lot of mistakes, too, and live with regret for blindly trusting a bunch of witch doctors. A very imprecise discipline, mental health is.

Amen!

You so eloquently and succintly put into words exactly what I believe.

Well done!

I think, every so often, the shrinks get together at a big convention, have a few too many libations, and dream up new entries to put in the DSM to match stuff coming out of the labs.

It's a racket and it ruins already desperate lives.

Very brave of you to share this.