New to living with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI)
I have recently been diagnosed with MCI and I'll be attending Mayo Clinic group on this. Each day just seems to bring me challenges. I have days when I get depressed because I feel like I'm being a burden to others. I will be attending MCI seminar at Mayo Clinic in January. I need help and support in this area.
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I don’t think he understands at all and I haven’t wanted to push the issue , right now we have so many stresses that take up our time trying to get the house ready for sale, we took our daughter out of her program due to COVID 19, our married sons all have their own stressors due to the virus and work, just like everyone else. At least I don’t have to remember all our Dr. Appointments right now.
You have a lot going on right now, @emyliander. Yes, phew – no appointments to remember right now.
For when you don't have quite so much on your mind related to COVID-19 and all, I'm thinking perhaps @rachelanne @debbraw @suz55 @helenfrances may have some suggestions on how to help your husband understand what is happening with your memory this year and also support you in it.
What are some of the stresses you are encountering with your home sale, emyliander?
@melodyjane – how are you doing? Have you had any memory difficulties lately?
@sarasally2 – in the conversations you referred to, is it your husband or more than one member of the family who is having challenges with memory right now?
Good afternoon, @emylander, We have met before. In fact, I think we are walking along the same path right now. You are selling your home and moving, I did that last year. You are coping with a special needs child and I have a granddaughter with severe OCD. We are both challenged every day by "too many inputs". In the early PC days that would happen when the memory got overloaded and the result was bad "output".
Since we share quite a few cognitive memory issues, @lisalucier asked if I might offer some suggestions. And so, I read your story and your posts again. I especially remember the gift of food for your friend. I would do something like that except that I don't cook.
When I moved here last year, I had just spent 8 weeks as a caregiver for my partner's cancer treatments. My house sold surprisingly in one week and my friends got together and handled all of the details. We face-timed to pack up the kitchen. It was all I could do to nod yes or no. So. 96 items on the truck and 96 items off. I think there are still quite a few unopened on the porch.
I am going to pretend that you are sitting right here with me. Here is what I would suggest that you consider:
1. Sit down with an expert clinician and go over all of your medications with dosages and their potential interactions for both Rx and OTC . My body learned to handle gabapentin but did not like the combination of Nortryptilene and Deloxitine.
2. Get a written diagnosis of MCI so that your insurance will support outside care through Social Services, plus relationship and structured living cognitive behavior therapy that hopefully can include your husband.
3. Get structure and organization into your daily life. Use whatever works. I was doing pretty well and then in one week, I missed two appointments, one with my spiritual guru and the other with the lady for whom I am a caregiver. That was just because I didn't know what day it was. Now I have a paper calendar (see attached) and I mark off each day in the morning after checking for appointments.
4. Begin your day with Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness, before the pace ramps up and anxiety takes over. This practice or routine that I do every morning focuses on the body, the spirit, and the mind. We want them all in sync, right?
5. Include your husband in decision making discussion. We call that "Shared Decision Making". Maybe your husband would be more responsive if he was invested in the outcome. Just giving each other a chance to have input without judgment or being judged has a great carryover effect.
Enough for today my dear. I have enjoyed hanging out with you. Please let me know when you stumble and please send me a "star" when you succeed. Don't forget…step by step….it took a long time to get here. I am holed up here for you pretty much every day ….aren't we all?
And thank you for bringing her back, @lisalucier.
Wonderful advice that will help so many . God bless
To answer your questions, I am the one with the main memory problems. As for stresses with home sale, we have repainted and replaced all floor molding because we had wood floors installed a year ago and it had all been removed. I’m trying to downsize which is difficult. Now with being sick and quarantined for two weeks we have put off the date of home sale. In 2-3 weeks we’ll look at the COVID 19 situation and see where we are. Moving to NY as sick as it is, is probably just as well. Our tenant moved out today, she is also a good friend so we will miss her, my dog and our daughter will miss her even more.
My daughter Kim lives for her 6 days at Pinetree Camp for handicapped children and adults. It won’t be happening now. I have two Grandchildren graduating High School this Spring, that won’t happen either, I feel bad for them. My latest oops was finding the left over corn in the cupboard instead of the refrigerator.. Stay well all of you and have a good day.
Hi Chris, thank you for your thoughtful message. I had just about finished a message to you when my iPad said “emergency iPad too hot “ and turned itself off. So I put it in the refrigerator for a little while to cool it down. I had been sitting with it on my lap with the sun shinning through the window onto my pad. First time that’s happened. So I’ll start again.. I’m trying to meet with a clinician but it’s a long process and now everything is cancelled because of the COVID 19. I will take my meds and get a diagnosis if I can get in there before we move. Structure in my life is nonexistent at the moment, each room has been torn apart to redecorate and to pack some things away. We still have quite a bit to do, outside also. I do have a calendar on my refrigerator and on my phone, I don’t always remember to check it. I get up at 6am each morning, an hour before my daughter gets up and then my husband. I enjoy the quiet time to have my tea and read the news on my tablet. I even try not to wake the cats and dog up. One of my cats is demanding as soon as he wakes up. I also have a daily bible reading I do.
It would be good for my husband to learn something about MCI, we do usually include each other in decision making, but I tend to keep my thoughts to myself, while he tells me so much about everything it boggles my mind. You say he “may be more invested in the outcome “. I don’t think either of us know the outcome or how to achieve it. When you say “ step by step “ it reminds me of a very funny old movie called “Baby steps.”
Have a good day, 🍷 here’s to our memories.
@emyliander – I'm very sorry to hear about your frustration with memory issues. My husband has struggled with this and I know how difficult it can be for him at times. I would encourage you to read a blog by one of our Mayo Connect members @virginialaken
Her blog is at this address: https://virginialaken.com/ She herself has been diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment. Her blog is a brave and beautiful sharing of her personal journey in navigating the many emotions and stresses that come along with this diagnosis. If you read through her blog posts, I believe you will be inspired and find some or many that you can relate to.
When you find one that really resonates with you, consider sharing it with your husband. It might make it a little less threatening or emotional for him if he reads the experience of someone else – more objectively – vs. hearing it from his wife. Sometimes I think our guys tend to want to "fix" the problem and get frustrated – or go into denial – when they can't. If he can read about someone else's memory issues and NOT feel like he's being called upon to solve a problem, maybe he can give you more support. I'm wishing you the best. Hope this helps some. Will you read the blog and let me know what you think?
Hello, @cancersucks – agreed that @artscaping had some very good suggestions on dealing with memory issues. Have you also experienced any challenges with your memory?
Good evening @emylander, thanks for the good cheer. How did you know that I love red wine?
I am just thinking about you and wondering how things are going during the CORVID-19 crises. Are you sequestered and free from threat of the virus?
Are you noticing some MCI situations? I do. I have also succumbed to some pretty high anxiety including electrical shocks and tingles all over my head. I have to stop what I am doing and take 10 deep breaths.
Baby steps just mean that relationships are quite challenging especially when there is a medical condition involved. I have unwittingly let my frustration and anxiety spill over a bit the last couple of days. We just got our groceries delivered and sort of had two opinions about how to sanitize them. That's all done and we needed a break from solving problems and now from each other. He is string trimming on the river bank and I am writing to you. Perfect.
What I do know is that family members, especially males. want to fix you. And when they cannot, they become a bit unglued.
If it's ok with you, I am going to put you on my "message list" so that I can check in every once in a while. You can always let me know what's going on and how your days are going as you climb your uphill battles with the house, the move, and the memory. We will just work around this horrific pandemic.
May you be content and at ease.
Hi Chris, Being on lock down ( as I call it ) is hard, especially for our mentally handicapped daughter who usually would be at program each workday, it’s challenging to try and keep her occupied for part of the day and work on the house at the same time, especially when I can’t take her anywhere.
Last night while cooking supper I put our dinner plates on the back burner to warm up from the oven vent and was cooking mushrooms on the front burner. All of a sudden the bottom plate exploded all over the place, and my mushrooms weren’t cooking. You guessed it.
I’m worried about my son and his wife who live in NY. It’s turning out that the virus is easier to catch than we first thought. I know everyone has the same worries and I feel bad for everyone. My sister in law in Spain sends funny videos which help, and I pass them on.
How are you doing, I wish my husband could go fishing for a while.
Thank you for your company.