New person who is caregiver for spouse and finding no one to talk to

Welcome to Mayo Connect. You have come to the right place. You will find a lot of caring folks going through a lot of the same things you are who are willing to offer helpful advice and give encouraging support. Caregiving can be a very lonely experience and as caregivers we find our world grows smaller just as our loved one’s does. We experienced the same response from friends when they tried socializing with my husband. They meant well but I think they were just too uncomfortable not being able to communicate well with him. My lack of free time caused some drifting away of my friends too. Now I look forward to my early morning coffee and Connect time…these folks have become friends.

Good morning Banjo5, at least it's morning from where I'm sitting. - based on the time you posted, I'd guess that; you are either in Iceland, or up very early looking for someone to talk with. Your post though says that you want someone to talk with your husband - you've asked two people already but had no response. Well, I believe you've come to the right place for both conversations with you, and advice for how to find others to maybe call your husband. Take care of yourself, you are not alone - the calvary may not be coming; however, the Mayo Clinic Connect group will provide you with the support and advice you're looking for online. Stay well and strong, he needs you now, probably more than ever. All the best to you.

I loved Bill's post "the Calvary is Not Coming" when I first joined Mayo Connect and read it, but what I realize now a year later - "The Calvary is Here on Mayo Connect." We may not be with you physically every day, but we are here. We are not alone. I like you tried to rally every neighbor I had to come visit my next-door neighbor who was slowly slipping into the next stage of dementia. Noone came not even her adult children. And when they did, they were in denial. I remember even when my mother died, I tried to get the Greek priest to come, he never came. People that don't show up are disappointing, but we just move on. As a caregiver, our adaptability has to grow as we move through the trials and tribulations of what we're always up against. Every post, every Mayo connection, every support group we tap into, every bit of information we glean, the knowledge we get is powerful in giving us clarity in knowing what to do and how to do it. I'm sorry your husband's friends didn't come. But they probably look at their own mortality and just want to stay at arm's length. Keep posting, I find getting up in the morning, and checking onto this site, is my own therapy to get through the day. Please know you are not alone. Best, Karla

This is a very lonely road we travel. I care for my husband with dementia and we also have had the same experience from friends, children and grandchildren. Perhaps our families do not understand how lonely we are since physically we are together but we are generally with a stranger who carries on no meaningful conversation. Our community has a memory cafe that meets once per month for dementia person and their caregiver. Perhaps something similiar is available in your community? Search out any resources via Alzheimer's Association and Duet. Duet offers via zoom a caregiver support group. Also a caregiver support group via zoom through Mayo Clinic that is open to all. If your loved one is able I find it helps to just get out for a meal or coffee. Just to be around other people. Helps us both.

Hey @banjo5, you can talk to us. ☺️

Yesterday, my husband said, regarding family and friends: I guess they’ve forgotten where we live.