New here really needing some support.

Hi Ange. I too had a liver transplant, mine about two years ago. I am sorry to hear about your knee but so glad you had a successful transplant ! I too attribute my still being alive to God and Mayo. I had no symptoms of liver cancer , on a doctor's whim had a endoscopy of my esophagus for acid reflux, which accidentally caught a tiny tip of the liver. That tiny tip is where my 3 cancerous tumors were. It was then a race to get me on the transplant list and transplanted before the cancer spread outside of the liver. Which would have taken me off the list as they have too few livers to transplant to folks who may pass from cancer anyway. I made the list and was told because of my blood type it could take about two years to mind me a liver. My prognosis was not good again. Then 18 days later I got the call and was transplanted.

Just my opinion but you should not feel guilty or feel a responsibility for "wasting your life". You can't help your knee issues. It is great that you are still around to have knee issues almost 3 years later. (--: . I bet they may have a counselor or someone at your church you can talk to ? If your transplant was at Mayo I believe they have folks who can help in that area too. But I am so glad you got your successful transplant even though you are going through this ruff patch ( Michigan losing to Ohio State could not have helped) (---: . I believe you will get through this tough time just fine. Best of luck and Merry Christmas!

Thank you for your kind words. It really helps to not feel like I'm alone . I don't know why I thought for so long that because I (did this to myself ) that, that meant I have to do this all by myself. I know I have God and he has a plan and he doesn't make mistakes. When I found out I was sick sick it was after a year of being off an on sick hoping I could get it under control in time before it was too late but it was so far gone that summer I got COVID and went into multi organ failure . I had over a 120 pounds of excess fluid built up that I didn't even realize was fluid for years I thought I was just fatter even though I was barely eating because I'd puke it back up constantly . They thought I would need a liver and a kidney . Anyways I was at Henry Ford hospital in Detroit for almost 2 months and finally they denied me to go on the transplant list. Said I was too high risk due to volume overload
I was on dialysis almost every day but it wasn't enough. They didn't think I'd survive the anesthesia from being put under plus I was almost 5 hours away from any friends and family I have and it was the middle of winter so they didn't feel as though I had enough social support . It was a big mess . They said my options were second opinion with the University of Michigan hospital in Ann arbor (Go Blue 💙) or Cleveland clinic.

It took almost 2 weeks but I was transfered to the U of M hospital and it was like night and day difference. I went directly under the management of the liver transplant team they made all decisions with my care at that point ultimately to get me ready to go on the transplant list. The end of December right after Christmas I was transferred to the ICU from the general medical floor and they did CRRT . Which is 24 hours continual dialysis and you have to be monitored on the ICU floor because it's a tedious serious process. But after 7 days they had pulled over 90 pounds of fluid off of me. I looked like a deflated balloon . Henry Ford never even mentioned that option but it wasn't meant to be at Henry Ford, I know.
Many other bumps and road blocks happened during those next few months but ultimately I survived and I had lots of ppl tell me Henry Ford was just going to send me home to die but God said that wasn't the right place for me and it wasn't the right time. Everything has a reason.

Much like your story. What are the odds that it's just a random find just like that and then things line up almost so perfectly you can't explain it 🙏❣️ that's how it was for me anyways.

I suffered Alot yes but it wasn't for nothing. Hard lessons are still lessons , I would never want to die from liver failure it was awful. I was bleeding to death getting 1 to 3 blood transfusions a day due to spur cell anemia I think is what they called it basically your baby red cells never mature . My hemoglobin level stayed between 4 and 6 for months in the hospital.

The Drs at the U of M saved my life and it forever humbled me how kind they all were to me and nobody ever judged me even if I might have deserved it . They treated me with respect and I'm so grateful for so much . That's why this bothers me that I'm in this depressed state off an on lately and I want to recognize it and not wallow in it .
In the beginning I talked to counselors at the U of M all the time and they have given me some resources . The problem is at the time I thought well I am not gonna drink or jeopardize my life anymore so I got this . I got God now and my Bible and this second chance and that's all I need. And I was very naive. I do AA of course online and in person both. I am seeing a counselor again well will be next week I finally took the initiative and decided that there's a lot I should probably unpack with a licensed professional and maybe instead of white knuckling life like I have been I can get sum more tricks and tools to help not feel so darn overwhelmed.

Thank you for your kind words again. And for sharing your story with me. God is so good and everyday I might not know how it's gonna go but I know no matter what he is with me. (Sometimes it's just hard to feel that when life is happening all at once ). Merry Christmas. 🌲💙

Take a moment to focus on the wonderful aspects of who you are and the blessings in your life. It takes practice to manage your thoughts and feelings, so be patient with yourself.

Try to steer clear of that negative inner voice. A pessimistic mindset can lead to feelings of fear and self-doubt, which can hold you back.

When those negative thoughts creep in, write them down and question their validity. Challenge those thoughts and remind yourself of all the good you’ve accomplished and the person you are becoming. Reflect on what you’ve learned along the way. Remember, you are in control of your narrative. Keeping a journal can be a powerful tool; it helps you gain perspective and track your growth.

By documenting the positive things in your life, you can shift your focus away from negativity. Spend quality time with your family and ask them what good qualities they see in you. Write those down and express your heartfelt appreciation for them too.

Take the time to create a clear plan for your future and read it every day. It’s not just about having a positive outlook; it’s about nurturing hope. Find hope in what lies ahead, but also take actionable steps to turn that hope into reality.

You deserve to love yourself and to see yourself in a positive light. You are wise, resilient, and strong. Empower yourself, encourage your growth, and let your journey inspire others.

Remember, you have a courageous story to tell, my friend! Embrace it!

Wow. Thank you for sharing with us. What a story. You have gone through so much. But you are still standing !
It is natural to feel overwhelmed when so much is going on. I think unpacking with a professional is a great idea.
I think you survived through your journey for a reason. When is God good ? All the time.

This will be my 2nd Christmas since my transplant. One of the guys who had a transplant at the same time as me just passed away from complications this month (my wife is on a text thread with 6 of the wives/ female patients from our trip to AZ who stayed at the same hotel.) I feel grateful and blessed to be still standing myself.

Enjoy your third Christmas since transplant !!! ✝️❤️🙏

I went through hell also 7 months ICU near death I was 62
Before and after surgery is nothing ever to forget, I believe that patients get ptsd afterwards I know I did and was suicidal after my surgery for a few months and being a Christian that wasn’t me, I found out that keeping busy walking is one but I found the pool was my biggest recovery plan by far my stomach doesn’t hurt which it does 24/7 any exercise is great in water there are gyms with indoor ones . Don’t let depression win you got this far after my transplant a year later I had a major hernia on my scar which set back another year because of another surgery 4 days ICU . I thank Jesus everyday when I wake up I would say get out and show off how tuff you really are my friends at the pool can’t believe my story and swim a mile a day I know you can do it. I’ve only met one person that’s had a transplant so talking to people is tough because nobody really knows what you went through, I hope everything gets better for you

@angieinmich Congratulations on your transplant.
I had a double lung transplant and like many others have had a bit of rollercoaster of emotions. The journey isn't linear. Don't feel guilty for having the feelings that sometimes you are not living up to some grand example. I live my life for what it is, a second chance. I am able to be with my family and do for them most things. I have had set backs and things that weren't an issue before now are. Just do the best you can do for you.

Thank you for your words. I don't know my entire life I have always been so hard on myself. More so than I ever would be on anyone else. And instead of making me motivated it just cripples me with anxiety, dread and many feelings of inadequacy.

I live in the country . I don't have many true friends that I trust because I had to limit my interactions over the last 5 years with certain ones I was close to for decades.

But it's not a bad thing in all ways ...just can be really really lonely sometimes . I'm glad I found this group. And I appreciate the comments and support.

My head can be a messy place to be sometimes lol kidding, not kidding .

And even just today having this little break once in a while to check back has really helped lessen the negativity in my head a bit. I want to succeed and make God and my donor and their family proud but also I have to work on loving myself and forgiving myself for some of the things from the past . Anyways I could ramble on all day lol it's nice to share my story and have people at least relate on some levels sharing the same health journey in many ways. Hope it's been a blessed day for everyone .

Hi Ange. Hard on yourself , feeling inadequate sometimes, feeling down. I guess that makes you..... A human being..... I am sure everyone, bar none , has had those feeling at times. Everyone may not have had your exact circumstances but have had ones of our own. We all need to forgive ourselves for things we have done in the past as no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes both big and small. My wife and I went to Saturday church tonight and that was part of the message. I think forgiving yourself and loving yourself are great ideas you have !!! Take care. (---:

@angieinmich I can relate in many ways. My liver transplant was in 10/21 and was the result of an acute autoimmune disease. For the first two years I was also riding a kind of high- to be alive, to be rid of the awful symptoms and feel like myself. I still feel like myself and grateful and healthy. And yet. Some days it feels like a slog and I am simultaneously aging! (I am 58). I have not had major problems but really annoying and inconvenient things like getting frequent stomach viruses which sometimes land me in ERs getting fluffed up with fluids for hours. I’ve gained some weight likely related to my meds but I’m desperately trying to keep it in check so I don’t develop diabetes. An attack of gout that sent me howling to my PCP. And my liver team always being helpful but clearly directing me more often toward other providers even though my complaints relate to having had a transplant. Before I was sick I took zero medications, now I take 8! I am in the Whining stage. I try to keep my humor up.

Do you have support around coping with sobriety/harm reduction? I imagine this adds a huge layer to your recovery. Make sure you get lots of support for this- you deserve it.

I disagree with you referring to yourself as a loser! I believe that alcoholism is a disease too, not a moral failing. You deserve to live. I’m not especially religious but I believe strongly that we are all children of God.
Take care and kudos on reaching out. Kate