New at this

I’m sorry about your father. I know firsthand how difficult it is to face this.

It’s good you stepped in to get guardianship. Hope it goes smoothly. Will you or a professional be in charge of the decisions for your father? I’d discuss it thoroughly with the attorneys and the court because it’s a huge responsibility. Hope you have help.

People with dementia often are resistant to care and act in ways that are not in their best interest. It can be hurtful and frustrating. Keep learning as much as you can about his condition. And get support from family, friends and support groups. Sites like this one are invaluable, imo.

My dad had Alzheimer’s for quite a few years. His symptoms weren’t severe until the end, but caring for him was a huge endeavor. We did have good times though and I cherish those memories. While dementia can change a lot about the person, in my dad’s case, he retained most of his qualities and we miss him dearly.

I’m sure on some level your dad welcomes help from his family. I hope that brings you comfort.

I am sorry about your challenges with your father. I am caring for my husband who was a brilliant physician, master bridge player and active outdoorsman. He is none of those things anymore. The hardest part for me of this dementia journey is accepting that his behavior today is not that of the man I married 44 years ago it is the dementia. I have gained a lot of understanding of the disease and its effects by educating myself about the different types of dementia and the way that the brain changes over time. These changes affect everything because the whole brain is involved. I think you have done the best thing for him in gaining conservatorship. He needs someone to make decisions in his best interest. There is a lot of support out there. The Alzheimers Association has many resources that you can avail yourself of online. Try to take it one day at a time.

I am sort of in a similar state as Chad but it is slightly different with me. My 86 year old mother has dementia and it runs in her family so we've seen it before. My 88 yr old father is her primary carer and wants to keep her at home. I am 53 and live in the house with them. It's been a little over a year and I help out the best I can but I am essentially told pretty consistently that what I do is not enough, not the right way to do it, not at the right time and, not the right things. 1st, there is an inherent disconnect bw thinking what I do is not helpful (it actually is) but still wanting more from me. My father yells at me a couple of times a week. My siblings and I are on the same page that we need more PROFESSIONAL help (right now we have aides from 10 - 4 six days a week) like a live in person who is not me as I'm gone most of the day (which my dad seems to be jealous of) but they are not willing to push him. My father is rail thin, clearly overwhelmed and exhausted but doesn't really want more help. His moods are changeable on a dime and it is very difficult to deal with. My siblings are hardly around but he seems to value their opinions over mine despite the fact that I live IN THE HOUSE. I am exhausted of it and also dealing with my own health issues. It's really hard. I can't tell if my dad is in denial or is going senile. It's possible he's just super overwhelmed but I struggle with that idea bc it's been going on for years now and he's still obsessed with controlling everything. Good luck Chad. My dad picks fights wioith me incessantly and sometimes so do my siblings based on his errant information but at east we're all still speaking. Sort of. I'm sorry to hear you're in that situation.

I am sort of in a similar state as Chad but it is slightly different with me. My 86 year old mother has dementia and it runs in her family so we've seen it before. My 88 yr old father is her primary carer and wants to keep her at home. I am 53 and live in the house with them. It's been a little over a year and I help out the best I can but I am essentially told pretty consistently that what I do is not enough, not the right way to do it, not at the right time and, not the right things. 1st, there is an inherent disconnect bw thinking what I do is not helpful (it actually is) but still wanting more from me. My father yells at me a couple of times a week. My siblings and I are on the same page that we need more PROFESSIONAL help (right now we have aides from 10 - 4 six days a week) like a live in person who is not me as I'm gone most of the day (which my dad seems to be jealous of) but they are not willing to push him. My father is rail thin, clearly overwhelmed and exhausted but doesn't really want more help. His moods are changeable on a dime and it is very difficult to deal with. My siblings are hardly around but he seems to value their opinions over mine despite the fact that I live IN THE HOUSE. I am exhausted of it and also dealing with my own health issues. It's really hard. I can't tell if my dad is in denial or is going senile. It's possible he's just super overwhelmed but I struggle with that idea bc it's been going on for years now and he's still obsessed with controlling everything. Good luck Chad. My dad picks fights wioith me incessantly and sometimes so do my siblings based on his errant information but at east we're all still speaking. Sort of. I'm sorry to hear you're in that situation.

Thanks, Celia. I definitely needed to hear that.