My perfectionist family is causing my depression even worse
1. I have been diagnosed with depression. I am perfectionist. My family is perfectionist ONLY WHEN TOWARDS ME! They are not perfectionists in their only lives at all as I see them. However, if I do the task with with a trivial, small mistake, they come to look at this mistake, exaggerate it and then ignore the success I made. They look at the 0.00001% mistake and ignore the 99.99999% success. As I said earlier, I am myself is a perfectionist and have unreasonable criteria but the matter is even worse when having a perfectionist family, and it is even worse when they are perfectionists only towards me!! I cannot believe that I will be criticized if I got an A in a course rather than an A+!! If I look at this family member who criticized me about getting an A, I see my grades are much much better than him! Is it reasonable?!
2. What is causing me much stressed and anxious in the matter is the following. I do my best to help my brothers. If I made a small mistake they would inform my mother. The problem is she is and elderly lady and diagnosed with a heart disease! I do my best to follow her commands and make her feel happy towards me. She is very lovely towards me. When we talk about such problems, she always realized that my brothers are unrealistic and she would say to me be patient towards them. Everything with that is ok to me. What is not ok is the irritation caused to my mother when they go and scream at her: Look what your stupid son has done!! I can feel her paining immediately and as I said earlier she is diagnosed with a heart disease. I have told them such a statement: “I am a bad person. My mistakes are unlimited and countless. But I see your kindness which will make you conceal my bad deeds, not because I deserve that, but because of your kindness “! While I do not believe in this statement, I have said it again and again. Why? Because I love my mother and want her to live in peace. What is their response to me is the following: “We will keep telling her your mistakes regardless of her heart disease”!! Note that my mistakes are not intentional because they are perfectionist! I feel pain while typing those words, anxious, exhausted and irritated! I think you can feel what I feel when you read those words. In an attempt to stop the issue from escalating, I said to my brothers: “If you think you are right and I am doing wrong, then let’s go to ask our uncle about the matter” . They immediately REJECTED and said there no problem at all to be solved!! I can see that they believe in themselves how they are doing wrong and are worried from the disclosure of this matter among the relatives! However, my mother felt irritated towards the idea and then I rejected it also . So what should I do? I think you that if someone talks too many then he may be very irritated! I am Help