Share this:
overwhelmed
@overwhelmed

Posts: 33
Joined: Apr 06, 2016

My husband has only weeks to live

Posted by @overwhelmed, Apr 16, 2016

My husband & I just found out that he has only weeks to live. He only took sick a little over three weeks ago. We found out just a week ago that he had colon, liver, lung & bone cancer. Then four days later (Monday that just past) we were told that he only had weeks to live. After the shock wore off, and the tears still flowed, I asked about months.They then took some more blood work, at which time they said the results would tell them for sure. a little over an hour later they confirmed it would be just a matter of weeks. He is in liver failure.
I have been trying my best to support him, however, I myself became disabled 8 years ago & he has been my only support all of these years! I have a chronic, incurable nerve condition that leaves me in severe and constant pain.
I can never seem to say the right thing. I hesitate to bring things up that need to be taken care of ASAP (i.e. a DNR) among other legal matters, despite us both being advised by both the Oncologist as well as the Palletive Care nurse. When I wait for him to mention something he discusses it but then actions nothing. I am afraid that he will end up getting too ill to address these things. How do I get him moving to ensure that we have all of our matters taken care of???

REPLY

@overwhelmed – what a shock this must be for both you and your husband. I encourage you to explore this website Virtual Hospice http://virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home.aspx
Reading through the articles in Topics and Asked & Answered, you soon find that many find communication at the end of life to be difficult, but possible. For example, see the answers that the palliative care team offer other people who have faced very similar situations as you and husband do.

Here are a few specific links to get you started
Communication with the patient: http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Support/Support/Asked+and+Answered/Communication/Communicating+with+the+Patient.aspx

http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics.aspx

I really like the advice offered in this extract “Our society generally discourages talk about death, dying and illness. For some people this kind of discussion is most difficult with family. You can try several strategies to help your [husband] open up and talk. It’s possible that no matter what you try your [husband] may be unwilling to talk. This can be hard for you, and if it is, it may help to tell him so. Unless he knows, he may not realize that talking will help you and him.”

We’re here to talk any time you need to.

Liked by salena54

So very hard to hear that. Please take care

Over whelmed: My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband and
family. I know it’s easy for me to say words of encouragement and prayers
when I have never experienced anything thing of that magnitude. If you need
friends to vent to, I’m sure you would find that others on this post would
agree, we are here for you. Looks and prayers salena

salena

@colleenyoung

@overwhelmed – what a shock this must be for both you and your husband. I encourage you to explore this website Virtual Hospice http://virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home.aspx
Reading through the articles in Topics and Asked & Answered, you soon find that many find communication at the end of life to be difficult, but possible. For example, see the answers that the palliative care team offer other people who have faced very similar situations as you and husband do.

Here are a few specific links to get you started
Communication with the patient: http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Support/Support/Asked+and+Answered/Communication/Communicating+with+the+Patient.aspx

http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics.aspx

I really like the advice offered in this extract “Our society generally discourages talk about death, dying and illness. For some people this kind of discussion is most difficult with family. You can try several strategies to help your [husband] open up and talk. It’s possible that no matter what you try your [husband] may be unwilling to talk. This can be hard for you, and if it is, it may help to tell him so. Unless he knows, he may not realize that talking will help you and him.”

We’re here to talk any time you need to.

Jump to this post

Thank you very much Colleen..for the information, sites and support. I am sure I will be back, if not before than for sure after his passing.
Thank you once again.

Thank you Salena & to everyone else. It actually does make a difference to me (that you offer your support) that complete strangers are so compassionate. Humanity still does exist!!

Liked by salena54

Overwhelmed: Please private message me. I would love to mail you and your husband, each one of you a prayer cloth if you wouldnt mind, and it wouldnt affend you are your husband, That is the last thing I would want to do. If you dont mind please send me your address by private message. Love and prayers Salena

@salena54

Overwhelmed: Please private message me. I would love to mail you and your husband, each one of you a prayer cloth if you wouldnt mind, and it wouldnt affend you are your husband, That is the last thing I would want to do. If you dont mind please send me your address by private message. Love and prayers Salena

Jump to this post

What a lovely offering Salena.
Please note that I removed your personal email address from your message. We recommend not sharing personal contact information publicly on the forum. We don’t want you getting unwanted spam etc. Instead we recommend using the private message function within Connect.

To private message another member, simply click their @username and the click the envelope icon to open the private message box. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Liked by Ali Skahan

@salena54

Overwhelmed: Please private message me. I would love to mail you and your husband, each one of you a prayer cloth if you wouldnt mind, and it wouldnt affend you are your husband, That is the last thing I would want to do. If you dont mind please send me your address by private message. Love and prayers Salena

Jump to this post

Collen: Thank you so much. I never thought about it. I am really touched by
this sight. I feel like my sickness and pain is so small to what I have
witnessed in each post. I think in having this link is a great thing and a
blessing. Wish I could do more!

salena

@colleenyoung

@overwhelmed – what a shock this must be for both you and your husband. I encourage you to explore this website Virtual Hospice http://virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home.aspx
Reading through the articles in Topics and Asked & Answered, you soon find that many find communication at the end of life to be difficult, but possible. For example, see the answers that the palliative care team offer other people who have faced very similar situations as you and husband do.

Here are a few specific links to get you started
Communication with the patient: http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Support/Support/Asked+and+Answered/Communication/Communicating+with+the+Patient.aspx

http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics.aspx

I really like the advice offered in this extract “Our society generally discourages talk about death, dying and illness. For some people this kind of discussion is most difficult with family. You can try several strategies to help your [husband] open up and talk. It’s possible that no matter what you try your [husband] may be unwilling to talk. This can be hard for you, and if it is, it may help to tell him so. Unless he knows, he may not realize that talking will help you and him.”

We’re here to talk any time you need to.

Jump to this post

Prayers for you and your family. 

Sent on my Samsung Galaxy S® 5 Sport

Liked by Ali Skahan

Overwhelmed, please accept my deepest sympathy with your current situation. My heart goes out to you and your husband. Approach the Pallative Care Nurse again. Make a list of the things you and your husband need to do ASAP. Then list action steps for each one. See how much, if any, she can assist with. You will bey in a much better place when they are done. I will pray for you and your husband. Sincerely Riverqueen1305

I thought to write since I myself have faced situations like that. Presently, since November 2015 they put me on Palliative Care (a step before Hospice); even though when my cancer was diagnosed in 2009 they gave me 5 years to live. Well, I’m still here and seeking each new day with promise. Faith, hope and perseverance. One of the biggest turning points in my life was not simply learning to live with epilepsy and migraines as I grew and adjusted during those years. However, when I became a memmber of The Employer Committee of The President’s Committee on Employment of People with Disabilities (a year after the Americans with Disabilities Act was signed by the eldest President Bush. I sat for three and a half years on the committee that taught big and small business about the ADA. Not to bypass Minnesota’s State Disability Council and Minneapolis’s Disability Council. Over that time I met and spoke with blind, deaf, MS, MD, Polio, Cancer, Epilepsy, Migraines, etc. and learned how these people made it to achieve their goals and pursuits. It also taught me the reality “that there was always someone worse off than me that needed help.” As a factory manufacturing employee, I was able to shed new light to your upper eschelon management so that they could learn and understand the value of a disabled employee.

Best wishes to you. As hard as it may be try to take one day at a time and find items that may be able to replace (even temporarily) you anxiety, worry, fear, depression, etc.

Kay

Please login or register to post a reply.