1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Mom wants to go home, but she is in her home.

Posted by ailsa @ailsa, Mar 6 2:17pm

The last 2 weeks mom has been saying this isn't her home, even though it is her home. I've tried explaining that she is at her same home but she won't believe me and asks to go home constantly. She gets quite agitated. I tell her sometimes that we will move her next week back home in hopes to calm her but she remembers the conversation and then insists that I said I would move her. I don't know what to say anymore, our whole conversations are about her needing to move back home. She sees all her stuff around her but won't accept that this IS her home.

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elsmore | @elsmore | Mar 9 11:22am
In reply to @celia16 "I have read that treating mental anguish is as important as physical pain, so when my..." + (show)
@celia16

I have read that treating mental anguish is as important as physical pain, so when my dad began with his delusions and fixations that caused him such misery and agitation, I discussed it with his doctor. He prescribed a small dose of Seroquel and it helped quite a bit. It doesn’t totally stop the obsessions, but helps tremendously. I have seen advertisements for other meds for dementia agitation.

I don’t know if your mother is mobile, but some patients who want to go home actually try to leave their house unattended, which can become another whole issue. Best of luck with everything.

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Hello. My wife (60 years of marriage this year) is constantly saying I want to go home. However she does not know where this home is other than her childhood home which her deceased parents sold some 30 odd years ago. She is receiving medication ie small does Seroquel and now both Seroquel at bedtime and newly low does Risperidone in the mornings. The latter I am not sure is helping or not. Has anyone else had Risperidone prescribed and what have you experienced. Her doctor has said that she does not like using two different drugs and I am thinking to stay with the Seroquel as it does calm her down for sleep which in turn helps me as her caregiver. Comments?

REPLY
edsutton | @edsutton | Mar 11 6:55am

The feeling "I'm safe at home" is not about the physical facts, the geography of house and place.
It's about a feeling of safety, security and comfort which your partner with dementia cannot feel.
It's a feeling they are seeking, not a set of facts, so arguing about the facts won't help.
They're looking for the feeling of "I'm o.k., it's o.k. here, I'm safe" which their terrible disease has taken away.
Perhaps you can offer something that relaxes and comforts. Maybe a hug, a gentle song, a cup of favorite tea, a moment's relief from a question inside that can't be answered.
For the caregiver it can be a relentless stress of being with someone whose anxiety can't be eased.

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celia16 | @celia16 | Mar 11 8:56pm
In reply to @edsutton "The feeling "I'm safe at home" is not about the physical facts, the geography of house..." + (show)
@edsutton

The feeling "I'm safe at home" is not about the physical facts, the geography of house and place.
It's about a feeling of safety, security and comfort which your partner with dementia cannot feel.
It's a feeling they are seeking, not a set of facts, so arguing about the facts won't help.
They're looking for the feeling of "I'm o.k., it's o.k. here, I'm safe" which their terrible disease has taken away.
Perhaps you can offer something that relaxes and comforts. Maybe a hug, a gentle song, a cup of favorite tea, a moment's relief from a question inside that can't be answered.
For the caregiver it can be a relentless stress of being with someone whose anxiety can't be eased.

Jump to this post

Good points. I think it took me years to realize that with dementia, a person may just not be able to be happy and content, even with meds.

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1995victoria | @1995victoria | Mar 12 10:29am

This is just a suggestion, don't know if it would work....maybe take him/her out for a day, lunch/park.....and say afterwards you will bring her/him HOME for favorite dinner and after dinner tv show or play cards or do a puzzle. And then bring her/him home. My cousin would call me continuously to come over, finally I said I would be there Sunday, and it seemed to calm her down. I never said what sunday....I tried telling her that I had cancer/side effects and couldn't come, but when I said I would come (even though I didn't ) seemed like it made her feel better.

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