Mom wants to go home, but she is in her home.

ailsa, do you have any photographs of her in her present home. She may be thinking of her childhood home. If you have photos of her in some activity in this home, especially activities with you, you might be able to have a comforting conversation. I'm sorry because I know how painful this can be. Later this will seem like the easy part.

ailsa,
My husband has Alzheimer's and he does the same thing. Often he comes to me and says I just want to go home. There are moments that I think he does not recognize things that are in our house. It is very heartbreaking.

How frustrating! Is she living alone? Maybe she is referring to her home when she was a child? What a horrible disease. I pray for you and your Mom. Oops, sorry. I just read previous replies and someone already suggested what I said.

From my experience and from what I am going through with my Alzheimer's husband is that it is a mistake to try to make sense of what their damaged brain is telling them or telling us. I love my husband, and we have been married for 57 years but he says things that really do not make any kind of sense. His poor brain is so damaged. This Alzheimer's disease is horrible. I can understand why many Alzheimer's patients try to run away because they are lost, and they want to find someplace where they feel at home.

I have read that treating mental anguish is as important as physical pain, so when my dad began with his delusions and fixations that caused him such misery and agitation, I discussed it with his doctor. He prescribed a small dose of Seroquel and it helped quite a bit. It doesn’t totally stop the obsessions, but helps tremendously. I have seen advertisements for other meds for dementia agitation.

I don’t know if your mother is mobile, but some patients who want to go home actually try to leave their house unattended, which can become another whole issue. Best of luck with everything.

My husband used to do this. When it happened, I would get him in the car, go for a drive, and then come back home after 20 - 30 minutes. I even did this in the middle of the night. As we were driving home, I would point out what I hoped would be familiar landmarks including the homes and names of our neighbors, our street, etc. On most occasions, he then recognized his home and settled. Another strategy is to ask where she thinks she is. Sometimes, this helped my hubby. Good luck. This is a journey none of us wants to take but we must try to cope the best we can. I lost my husband at the end of Dec. I am still reeling.

@gently My uncle who has since passed (the day after moving into care) lost his wife some years ago to cancer. They were farmers so he sold up the farm and went to live independently in a gated community apartment near one of his children and her family in another state, a long way from the farm. He did well. When he was diagnosed with Alzheimers he moved in with them. When the disease progressed he too got very upset and wanted to go home to the farm. He was upset and didn’t remember why he had left and why he wasn’t there any more. In his case he was quite right that he once did have another home where he probably spent the best years of his life. The many years that had passed didn’t change that for him. My cousin made him up a scrap book of both the farm and also his new home with them and happy occasions at both. It did calm him down until the next time. The scrap book and adding to it did become a routine between them.

isadora2021, thanks. This was so pleasant to read.

Just repeat her comment "ok you want to go home." Then ignore. Correcting and making up scenarios won't work. If it gets too bothersome for her, medication might work.

I’m not saying this is right, but when my cousin first went to assisted living (not memory care, but regular AL), she would ask to go home a lot. She was referring to her real home though. I just kept saying as soon as you get stronger, you’ll go home, As soon as the doctor approves it, As soon as your labs show recovery, etc. It was something that satisfied her in the moment. Anti anxiety meds helped too.