signs of mental abuse
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My husband manipulates me,verbally abuses me to the point that I would kill myself just to put an end to it except I have three children and I just can’t do it to them. People say,”Just leave!” but it is more complicated than that. I have spent many nights crying. He has never physically hurt me, but sometimes I think it would be less painful than being treatedthis way. to me, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of difference between verbal and emotional abuse. The things he says(often out of the blue, when I think everything is fine) are so hurtful they cause me to feel so sad and isolated, I feel like I don’t even have a husband. I know I’m not the only one who lives like this, but men like this don’t let their wives have friends so it’s hard to find support.
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Investigate the possibility that he could have Borderline Personality Disorder. It could be the reason he acts the way he does. It is considered a Mental Illness.
Hi your not alone .I have been there . I try to leave too. But it’s not easy . Focus on seing a doctor,Counselling,work,church,friends,relative,turn your mind to positive things, ask seek help in your community,hospital ,and everything will be okey. Take care.
I totally agree with MOMENTUM – From a kid’s point of view – by not leaving him and getting them out of this harmful situation – they are being taught that this is just how a relationship is. A daughter will accept being treated like this in her relationships cuz this is “normal” to her – and a son will treat the females in his life that way since that is all he ever saw. If you can’t to it for yourself – to it for them. This is what gave me the strength to do what needed done. You have already given him more than he deserves by having you as a wife and having his children there as long as you did. Don’t let him take one more day of happiness from you and your inocent children. My children were mad at me at first because they were young and he manipulated them by saying that he would be with them if he could but Mom wouldn’t forgive him – but it wasn’t long til they realized the strength it took for me to do what I did – and they were proud of me. They told me that they could never have been strong enough to do that. MOMENTUM is also right that you have already taken the first step… Actually, it’s sad to admit – but I was abused by my father in this way so I picked a guy just like him as a husband. I didn’t actually know that I wasn’t the one that was doing something wrong – since my dad and my husband always blamed everything that went wrong on me somehow – and I accepted it – that was all I had ever known. As encouragement – it is a journey – one step at a time. Get in touch with an abuse counseling agency – Catholic Charities has one – and I went to VOICE. VOICE also has a “safe house” for you and the kids to go to that has security and survaillance to keep you safe. Even if you don’t has VOICE near you – use your phone – find out what is available out there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE 🙂 Sure, you will still have problems – but he won’t be one of them. In addition, when you are getting beat down every day 24/7 – it makes it difficult to deal with anything else. It will be like a weight lifted off of your shoulders. In the meantime – this is what I said to myself whenever he started on me – “IF YOU WANT TO CONTROL SOMEONE – TRY CONTROLING YOURSELF!” It helped me keep the focus on him and his actions and not allowing myself to believe what he was saying to me. I wish you a happy, healthy future for you and your children. Let your love for your children give you the strength to make this change.
Dear Anonymous, Sounds like your husband is very Psychologically Abusive, much like Terrorism. That can certainly wear on a person – you must be exhausted. There are a couple books that were helpful for me to read. They can be read in part for free online: http://books.google.com/books?id=qBFdlUnxmkkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=when+love+hurts&hl=en&ei=8Mm6TJn_FI-8sAOh7_WUCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false http://books.google.com/books?id=azvHexd1g1YC&printsec=frontcover&dq=why+does+he+do+that?&hl=en&sa=X&ei=dLdFT8_ZE-PWiALhgviqCQ&ved=0CD0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=why%20does%20he%20do%20that%3F&f=false http://books.google.com/books?id=y9Kz6F22OdsC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+verbally+abusive+relationship&hl=en&sa=X&ei=r7dFT7v9IMWoiQLq2ZSrCQ&ved=0CEYQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=the%20verbally%20abusive%20relationship&f=false http://books.google.com/books?id=iHr24QnnbH8C&printsec=frontcover&dq=not+to+people+like+us&hl=en&sa=X&ei=2LdFT_q_OonKiAKa7empCQ&ved=0CDgQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=not%20to%20people%20like%20us&f=false
I am currently separated from my husband because of the abuse I have take from him and it is not easy!My lack of self steam is playing a big part I am sure , not knowing who to turn to because most people I talk to have never been in my shoes and don’t understand how it happens! We become isolated and fear to make a move at anything even though we are quiet capable of moving on we remain stuck that is one reason I am here , I know I am not the only woman who has ever gone though this but it sure helps to know someone believes in you! I praise all the women here and hope to be here for you as I know you will be for me!
I do know how you feel I just separated from my husband and it is so hard to move on when you don’t have friends that understand what you are going though but believe me I do understand ! and the isolation makes it worse !
You aren’t alone and if I can be of help let me know Take care!
so what exactly does one do? he denies all his actions and remarks. get a tape recorder i think so!
thank you, this is driving me nutty, why doesn’t somebody understand, i told dr. ha
join a church ladies grp, i did, friends are a blessing.
well, things the same, why can’t a bigger person step in, where are they?
I agree with the author of this post. I’m a male and I would never commit abuse on women, because I’ve seen it and I did’nt like what I seen.
Stay strong and never and never accept abuse.
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