How do you deflect mean & cruel comments?

What a dreadful situation. I can't imagine how difficult that must be.

If it were me, I would imagine that there is some invisible person standing next to me, and those remarks are aimed in that direction.

After all, your loved one is not seeing the real you, and under normal circumstances would never talk to you like that.

Can you have some alone time? Can your loved one take an independent walk down the street? Even just sitting and reading, each in separate rooms, can relieve the tension.

@gratia you just got back from a much need break from your mother - and it looks like MOM is back at it again. I'm sure that makes you feel so bad and so unworthy. I'm sorry for that. I had a similar situation last night that left me hurt, longing for my old life, and wanting company, someone to help navigate through the challenges, but it is what it is, and we do what we do out of love. Every day is a start over. When she talks to you that way, try to turn the other cheek, and know that, in spite of her comments, you are loved. Best, Karla

@scottrl Thank you Scott 🤗 even though I understand it is the disease, not her, it’s really hard to deal with especially when sleep deprived. 😞

@walkesu unfortunately she is housebound. I’m just trying to accept the disease and keep my well being intact. I am able to get breaks now that my sister is also here- so I will get out to walk and get fresh air. 🤗❤️

I have learned it is helpful in my situation to either ignore the comments (do not engage) or to walk away and say nothing. You will NEVER win an argument with this person, so don't try. What they say is real to them and you will not convince them otherwise. My wife will forget what she said in a few minutes, though it will surely come back some other time.

I know you’re absolutely right. It’s when I’m really exhausted, it’s so hard not to take it all personally. This disease can be so trying. I understand logically that it’s not personal, but the mental gymnastics and pivots required are very draining. I’m glad to have found this community, but sad at the same time to know that so many are on the dementia roller coaster ride.
Wishing you strength and sending virtual support!

Any comments that are rude, disrespectful or disparaging, keep quiet, turn your back and walk away to another room. The tirade will be forgotten.

@gratia When she's mean and says hurtful things, I probably would just tell her you love her, and that you are sorry she feels that way. Then let your sister, who's there, step in. I'm glad you now have help.
Best, Karla

@wctdoc1943 I feel your pain and inability to escape. I have these same issues but with 40 years of severe depression, paranoia, delusions, and now with aging a mean disposition. It’s rough.