Looking to talk with someone caring for a non-blood relative

@buckyc71

Becky, My husband helped me take care of my mom for two years. She passed at the age of 92 1/2 a few days ago.

My husband tells me it was just talking and getting to know each other that helped him most. He learned what he could joke about in those awkward situations that are bound to happen. Like grasping her butt to keep her from falling when getting into the car.

Learn what they like to do. What activities? .... Watch tv or movies? Art? Puzzles? Reading? They will get bored if they cannot do much physcially. If you will be responsible for meals learn what foods they like and don't like. You may have to help him with a special diet. I am not familiar with transplants.. strokes, dementia and type II mobitz was our problems to deal with.

Again it is mostly just getting to know each other. I had not lived with my mom since I was a teen. So I also had to learn her wants and needs too.

Zaee Gee

@fourof5zs I am so sorry to hear about your mother. It certainly took a lot of courage and strength to get on to Connect and add to the advice! But, you’re right, your mother lived with you so the doctors felt legally safe talking to you Your brother probably had a legal POA and what’s needed to talk about healthcare decisions, is a Medical Durable Power of Attorney. This says that you have discussed everything and are speaking for your mother.
I wish you the best and hope that you will take some time for yourself. Becky

@buckyc71 fourof5zs. Is so correct! The most important thing bout a MDPOA is that you and your BIL talk about everything first! You should know exactly what he wants and speak for him if the situation arises.

@becsbuddy
Becky, this site actually helps me. I am still tired and it shows in my typos 😄. My husband and I are putting away the medical equipment and deciding what to do with some of Mama's possessions that are at our home. We are doing a little at a time. Taking time to breath. My mom was his second mom.. as his parents were my second second set of parents. My husband loved mama as much as I did and he has cried with me.

We were allowed to take Mama's dog to the funeral home for a visit. He did not respond to the site of her or her name and has not responded to hearing “Mama” since we visited. He seems to understand that she will not be coming home. Ziggy is a mini poodle and will be 10 years old in a few weeks. .. acts like he is 3. A couple of weeks ago I caught my husband telling Ziggy he loves him. Both are loved by me.

@buckyc71
Becky, I do wish I had more suggestions for the question here, but I don't. Just sitting down and having a good talk is the best thing. You may need to write your questions and answers down. My memory is about shot, so I need notes. I set the alarm on my phone so I would remember when to give Mama her medicines... also to remind me of doctor appointments. On my ipad I could set it to remind me of appointments a day before and hours before.. so double reminding at times. Please keep us updated with his progress and ask any question you wish. I and others will try to answer the best we can.

Zee Gee

Sweet to hear your story. Inspiring. Thank you

Hi, again @buckyc71 . Haven’t heard from you and hope that is is OK. You did mention that you will be taking care of your husband’s brother. Will your husband help with his brother’s care? When is the bone arrow transplant scheduled for?

I'm caring for my brother-in-law. I'd love to have conversations with you.

@rusty1948. Here is the link for the Caregivers Support Group that meets on Thursdays. You may
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/event/caregiver-support-group-meetings-5b6ed7d4/
Be too late for today’s meeting but there is a link to the program. Good place to ask questions!
See upcoming meetings https://connect.mayoclinic.org/events/

If this message doesn’t come through with all details, go to the homepage, where it is listed

Hi Becky,
Unbeknownst to me, I ended up moving into a house with a woman who has vascular dementia. Her sister in another state owns the home and only told me my housemate had some memory issues and at times somewhat confused. After a week of living here I was able to see how bad she really was. I let her sister know and she claimed she didn't know how bad it had gotten. I have now been here 7 months as I look for an apartment I can afford. So, I ended up being caregiver just by proximity. I'm finding it intolerable, with the uncertainty of how each day will be. Some days not so bad, other days horrible, but always exhausting.