1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Looking for advice regarding wife's progression (10 years)

Posted by DanL @tunared, Jan 28 2:08pm

My wife has been diagnosed with dementia and it has been ongoing for almost 10 years. However, last night was new to me. she went to bed about 15 minutes before me, then when I arrived and tried to go to sleep, it all started for the next 4 hours. everything from divorce, to we have no relationship, to we never talk, to who are you?, to where are we and when will we go home (we were home), to whose house is this. She eventually went to sleep and didn't remember anything about last night. I called her PCP and was called back by assistant told to go to an urgent care clinic and get her tested for a UTI. I'll take her there when she get's back from her daily trip to the gym (60-90 minutes on a treadmill and I drive her).
my mind was going all night about what she was talking about. I tried to calm her down last night but she was just wound up and sometimes I couldn't get a word in. I'm not sure how to handle this and I'm looking for advice from someone who has gone through this. Is this another step in her progression? what should I look out for? any help/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. There is no one I can talk to in this situation. I'm really down now

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pamela78 | @pamela78 | Feb 8 8:09am
In reply to @bayviewgal "@tunared I've gone thru alot of emotions with my hubby and feeling like i'm gonna lose..." + (show)
@bayviewgal

@tunared I've gone thru alot of emotions with my hubby and feeling like i'm gonna lose it has been one of them. This platform has helped with sharing my struggles and listening to what others have to say and knowing I'm not alone, even tho I have felt alone. Do you attend any in-support groups? I find it helps with putting a face to a name to share...but this is great as well.
I told myself for the longest time, that "i got this" not realizing that I would eventually need support and I am SO glad that i finally got the support because it has made such a big difference. The strategies and tips on how to handle certain situations has been invaluable because it could be things that I wouldn't have thought. Know that you ARE NOT alone!!!

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I actually like the anonymity here. I feel I can say anything without risking hurting someone's feelings or revealing more than I want to to friends or family. This is a lonely undertaking and we all need help and acknowledgment

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DanL | @tunared | Feb 8 10:18am
In reply to @wctdoc1943 "I understand. Every patient is different (with a lot of overlap). It was the suddenness of..." + (show)
@wctdoc1943

I understand. Every patient is different (with a lot of overlap). It was the suddenness of her change that made me think there could be another cause (I'm a retired physician). But it certainly could be just natural progression. Unless it resolves quickly, it is usually worth checking with her physician. It isn't my intent to offer medical advice as I've been retired a long time and I'm now a caregiver with a medical background.

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Thank you again for your input/advice. I appreciate it!

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jehjeh | @jehjeh | Feb 8 3:41pm

My husband went through this. It's been a couple of months since it last happened but for awhile it would pop up out of the blue every few days. At first, I tried reassuring him that I love him, there's never been anyone else, don't want a divorce... Didn't work. He even swung his walker, hitting me in the leg. The only time he's been violent.
Finally, one day I blew up. Told him this really hurts my feelings when he talks this way. That I'm doing everything I know to make our lives good, these accusations are unfair. I even cried and walked out of the room. Eventually he called me and apologized. Said he didn't want to hurt me. He admitted his biggest fear was losing me. Then, the reassurance worked. Finally, I got to the point where i could deny his accusations, leave the room and when I returned it had passed.

The moral is, you never know what will work from one moment to the next. Just gotta try a new tactic when the old one doesn't work. Wish there was a better answer.

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DanL | @tunared | Feb 8 6:07pm

Sounds like we’re in the same boat. Good luck . Stay in touch.

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