Living with your abusers

Posted by januaryjane @januaryjane, Apr 30, 2020

Hi, im 34 and living with my parents because of health reasons. Im having flashbacks right now, so a lot of feelings are boiling up in me.
I was severely neglected and abused by my parents and brother. And the fights between my mom and i have been bad until this day. Ive been in therapy more than half my life, but reaching them to reconcile and communicate has been a nightmare. I ended contact with my brother. He is most likely a sociopath, my father is a disconnected narcissist, and my mom is very volatile. We never talked about anything, especially problems. After a lot of hard work in therapy, i confronted them all, with bad blowback. Its been a few years since then, but oh how exciting its been. I lost a lot, when i was just trying to say how i feel. But i dont take it back, that weight was lifted. The problem is, my health, that this is the best choice for now. Its not always bad, but i think it drives me a little crazy living here after ive grown and processed so much, yet they maintain unhealthy interaction. I build myself up, put up boundaries, but then somehow feel like a little kid again. I still feel like i cant speak my mind…..i just want to scream. This was happening before covid, but im sure its making it worse. I dont know if anyone can relate to family like this. Im feeling alone.

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Hello @januaryjane, I can certainly understand, to some extent, what you must be experiencing. Growing up can be a tough road but when you have the type of parenting that you describe, it is even worse. I had a similar childhood experience and I know how tough it was to pull out of what appears to be a gigantic hole.

I must congratulate you on the time you have spent in therapy. I can only imagine how it must have felt to confront your family as you did. It is good that you can now say, "that weight was lifted." As you probably know, it is unlikely that your parents or your brother will change for the better. Whatever you can do to set boundaries for yourself (both physical and emotional boundaries) will be helpful to you. Once the shelter-in-place restrictions are lifted I hope you can get out and find some time by yourself to re-charge.

If you don't mind sharing more, could you tell me what has been most helpful to you in your recovery process? Outside of therapy, are there particular books that you have read or has journaling helped you?

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