Just thinking out loud: Humans Alone vs Social

Posted by stuckonu @stuckonu, Sep 15, 2019

After watching the movie: The Martian I thought once again about being alone. I’m an artist and live alone. I often like, dare I say LOVE living alone. That said, As a HB ( Human Being ) I am an Individual and a social creature by nature. It’s difficult for me at time to explain my SELF. Sometimes I think that is a result of or perhaps a consequence of my choice to not co-habituate with another, or other HB’s.
About this time in this rumination which I’ve written about as well as “shared” with others, I often hear: “what are you trying to say?” That question at times seems to me to be an answer to the question because as I see it HB’s or as think of them now as “ modern HB’s “ are impatient so instead of allowing me to explain myself there is a need for many to hear their own voice. Instead of wanting to explain my thoughts I withdraw to the self voice that reminds me why I close to be alone.
Matt Damon in The Martian was left behind abandoned in a manner of speaking because his crew decided that there was no way that he could still be alive under the circumstance he was in. In a way they were impatient and rationalized, justified for their own wellbeing and survival to leave Mars and Matt’s body behind. In the Marines the motto to leave no one behind to a certain degree is rooted in a knowledge that, even if dead an enemy may likely desecrate a dead enemy. If anyone recalls those horrific images from all wars but in this century the most currents wars, the truth confirms this theory. It makes me think about my opening comment that HB’s are Individual and Social creatures. Maybe the error in my definition is that it doesn’t say enough about HB’s
The world that we inhabit is changing fast and perhaps that’s where impatience comes from.
Surely some here are wondering “ what is he trying to say?” So May I ask you what YOU think I’m trying to say because I am honestly interested. Maybe I can learn something about HB’s as well as my SELF because after all, I’m only YOU MAN.
Pun intended 😉

@stuckonu I like what you say here a lot but before I give a real response it will require some very thoughtful moments.
JK

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@stuckonu Welcome to Mayo Connect. We are quite a diverse group of people here, and surely there will be a variety of responses to your post. Of course, some of the replies may be written in invisible ink, so they don't actually appear.

You pose a few interesting thoughts, some that may have people questioning either you and your thought process, or themselves saying, "yeah, I totally relate!" Living alone, and choosing to do so for the most part, allows a more complete responsibility of one's life, not responding to the possible controls that a partner may try to place on you. You also have control of your environment in the respects of sound/vision/where and how you live/meals you eat, etc. There is less chance of disappointing yourself or someone else if you are by yourself, and less chance of feeling used or using others. Your intuitiveness as an artist is not thwarted so much by everyday activities, and you may eat/sleep as you see fit, rather than conforming to a mutual schedule. It seems to me there are definite positives to being a hermit so to speak.

At the same time, living alone can rob you of the richness of a shared life, letting you see the world only from where you sit and not being able to share another person's view and viewpoint. Having that repetoire can enrich your own view.

This is my thought pattern based on your post, randomly put down.
Ginger

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I appreciate the honest sharing of your thoughts @stuckonu . I agree with what ginger just said regarding the benefits of living alone and also the benefits of sharing your life. I personally look at this topic through the lens of "what is the purpose of life " or "why am I on earth. " my answer, for me, is simple. I am alive to interact with others in my world. And I don't mean just family and friends. I believe I am here to help in whatever way possible whoever crosses my path on a given day. Help can be many seemingly incidental things . Talking to the cashier at the grocery store or taking a neighbor some cookies. Or hugging someone you ordinarily wouldn't hug. Or really listening to people when they speak to you . I don't think it matters whether you choose to live alone or with others. I think the only thing that matters is engaging with people with kindness.

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@stuckonu Thank you for opening this discussion. What you have written will stay with me and I may have more input for you at a later time, but for now I think you have shared a number of jumbled thoughts and conclusions and are asking us to sort everything out for you. In your shoes I would sort my thoughts out item by item and gather information from other people in person, through research and, as you have done here, in a "chat room" atmosphere. For myself, I have my opinions and conclusions based on my knowledge and research. Sometimes I change my opinion. I use paper and pen or electronics for writing out my thought, not stone. I need a great deal of editing. My advice to you is to keep searching.

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@stuckonu I think I’ve read your discussion twice now and I’m a little confused. Maybe more sad. You say that you love being alone, but then you mention the movie, Martian, and Matt Damon’s character. Do you feel that you were left alone at some time and since then have chosen to be alone?

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Thank you all for your honest thoughts and feelings.
Being new here I’m struggling some with process and procedure. So, for instance I’m not sure until I hit post if THIS reply will say “ to Becky “ or it will appear as if it is to “all “ HB’s are intelligent enough to figure it out as soon as they read “ thank you all “, that said, I do want to respond to every contributor because each reply tell me something unique.

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@contentandwell

@stuckonu I like what you say here a lot but before I give a real response it will require some very thoughtful moments.
JK

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JK, I patiently await your reply no matter how long it takes

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@gingerw

@stuckonu Welcome to Mayo Connect. We are quite a diverse group of people here, and surely there will be a variety of responses to your post. Of course, some of the replies may be written in invisible ink, so they don't actually appear.

You pose a few interesting thoughts, some that may have people questioning either you and your thought process, or themselves saying, "yeah, I totally relate!" Living alone, and choosing to do so for the most part, allows a more complete responsibility of one's life, not responding to the possible controls that a partner may try to place on you. You also have control of your environment in the respects of sound/vision/where and how you live/meals you eat, etc. There is less chance of disappointing yourself or someone else if you are by yourself, and less chance of feeling used or using others. Your intuitiveness as an artist is not thwarted so much by everyday activities, and you may eat/sleep as you see fit, rather than conforming to a mutual schedule. It seems to me there are definite positives to being a hermit so to speak.

At the same time, living alone can rob you of the richness of a shared life, letting you see the world only from where you sit and not being able to share another person's view and viewpoint. Having that repetoire can enrich your own view.

This is my thought pattern based on your post, randomly put down.
Ginger

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Good Morning Ginger, TY for your reply. On feature of how I look at things came about when computers became available for Personal Computing ( use ) as an “ artist “ I look at and often “ see “ things much more differently than others. It relates in many ways to this posts existence.
Computers introduced me to:
“ copy and paste “ that feature broadened the way I look at and see things, so your reply is a great example; here’s an example : you said “Of course, some of the replies may be written in invisible ink, so they don't actually appear.” I think I know what you mean but by pulling it out and pasting it here in quotation marks I can 1 say that this particular part of your reply touched me and I smiled. Assuming little it’s best to ask you if you want to expand on it or to allow me my own interpretation? However, I can copy and paste other parts of your reply but another way of responding is free flow which is basically what most people do in everyday life IMHO feel free to disagree or correct me if you think I missed YOUR POINT.
In you next paragraph I read and saw the word “ control “ and towards the end of the Paragraph the word “ try “ in context with the point begged clarification. Are you saying or suggesting that a purpose of cohabitation is to TRY to CONTROL others? If, for instance we live together under the same roof I would want to be clear about intentions, beliefs, expectations, and your willingness to Understand vs Know me.
To use a quote from another movie: “ ‘TRY’ NOT Luke. ‘ DO or DO NOT ‘ there is no ‘ TRY ‘

I often say that Yoda’s Jeti lesson to Luke is profound and it’s one of my favorite quotes.

Overall I love that this whole forum exists so whether I live alone or not I get to read what you think.

Thank you for sharing your thought and feelings!

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@georgette12

I appreciate the honest sharing of your thoughts @stuckonu . I agree with what ginger just said regarding the benefits of living alone and also the benefits of sharing your life. I personally look at this topic through the lens of "what is the purpose of life " or "why am I on earth. " my answer, for me, is simple. I am alive to interact with others in my world. And I don't mean just family and friends. I believe I am here to help in whatever way possible whoever crosses my path on a given day. Help can be many seemingly incidental things . Talking to the cashier at the grocery store or taking a neighbor some cookies. Or hugging someone you ordinarily wouldn't hug. Or really listening to people when they speak to you . I don't think it matters whether you choose to live alone or with others. I think the only thing that matters is engaging with people with kindness.

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Thanks georgette for your thoughts and feelings. Indeed, as an HB on a crowded planet, being there for others; including other living things is necessary and often rewarding beyond words.

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@2011panc

@stuckonu Thank you for opening this discussion. What you have written will stay with me and I may have more input for you at a later time, but for now I think you have shared a number of jumbled thoughts and conclusions and are asking us to sort everything out for you. In your shoes I would sort my thoughts out item by item and gather information from other people in person, through research and, as you have done here, in a "chat room" atmosphere. For myself, I have my opinions and conclusions based on my knowledge and research. Sometimes I change my opinion. I use paper and pen or electronics for writing out my thought, not stone. I need a great deal of editing. My advice to you is to keep searching.

Jump to this post

Looking forward to reading your findings after you do research and are ready to share and continue.

TY

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@becsbuddy

@stuckonu I think I’ve read your discussion twice now and I’m a little confused. Maybe more sad. You say that you love being alone, but then you mention the movie, Martian, and Matt Damon’s character. Do you feel that you were left alone at some time and since then have chosen to be alone?

Jump to this post

Hi Becky, Thank you for your thoughts and feelings. Will you tell me what makes you “ sad “? after reading my discussion twice?
Looking forward to your answers as well as thoughts and feels

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@stuckonu
Hi,

Great discussion and interesting choice of a “name”….stuck on you. I am interested in your physical living arrangement and means of self support…that is do you support yourself as an artist? You do not have to answer.

Millions of people choose to live alone and interact with others physically only out of necessity. We call them loners or a lone wolf. There are probably very few hermits who live off the land Robinson Crusoe style. Lots of people find them odd. I don’t see the necessity of having to explain your choice to anyone and it sounds like you want validation by doing so. This is by no means a negative criticism. I agree that people are impatient and don’t listen….they are too preoccupied with what they have to say. There are very few good listeners out there and they stand out.

Some of our most creative people through the centuries have been labeled as loners. You are an introspective individual which , maybe, a lot of “loners” are. If you are happy with yourself and content with your life, why do you question it? You are interacting with the HBs on this forum are you not?
I don’t question your choice at all and I think you may be too introspective and that those you do interact with are causing you to question yourself.

Live long and prosper
FL Mary

Ps I reread this and it sounds like a put down. It is not. I have a sense of humor and love to look at all sides of things in general.

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I can and would enjoy expounding on this subject; maybe even break it down and explain more

As life happens defining moments at times happen with out warning. It’s not that the new moment disqualifies another however I think of it as TRIAGE meaning that one leap frogs another.
After finding the Mayo connects and spending most of “ football Sunday mostly focusing on what I was reading here and attempting to join, that admittance speaks a lot about how I reprioritized and I’m proud of myself that I could and did.
My scheduled appointment with my PCP doc who I often debate with and no loaded with new info I figured that we would “ get into it “ and we did. I do wish that I had a transcript to post here as it relates on many levels.
He engages in these debates IMHO because most patients behave with respect and a degree of meekness that I think many doctors take advantage of. The doctors these days have a book of comments by themself and other doctors she I think her prepares for confrontation when I come in
This discussion was flying all over the place for many reasons. One argument was about SBO he kept playing it down and in so many ways he sounded like many of the doctors talked about in the SBO group who are also like my two hospital doctors during my stay in Feb
Not that we will or can change the world with discussion here. That said I do think that change can happen and it starts with one Doc who has an ahha moment while discussing things.
He said to me” I’m not sure why your so concerned, it’s NOT A DISEASE “ I laughed and said:” since we can’t run the tape back all I can say to advance this conversation is this :” I don’t recall saying that word and I’m not so attached to it that I’m perfectly happy FINDING A WORD FIR UT THAT WE BITH CAN AGREE ON , MAY I SUGGEST CALLING IT: “ a MALADY “?
He agreed so we managed to discuss SBO and I’m very ready for round 2 if he’s willing to put on the gloves and go mono-e-mono
I better know my opponent than he knows me. If he only knew he might not be some typical 📿🔬

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@imallears

@stuckonu
Hi,

Great discussion and interesting choice of a “name”….stuck on you. I am interested in your physical living arrangement and means of self support…that is do you support yourself as an artist? You do not have to answer.

Millions of people choose to live alone and interact with others physically only out of necessity. We call them loners or a lone wolf. There are probably very few hermits who live off the land Robinson Crusoe style. Lots of people find them odd. I don’t see the necessity of having to explain your choice to anyone and it sounds like you want validation by doing so. This is by no means a negative criticism. I agree that people are impatient and don’t listen….they are too preoccupied with what they have to say. There are very few good listeners out there and they stand out.

Some of our most creative people through the centuries have been labeled as loners. You are an introspective individual which , maybe, a lot of “loners” are. If you are happy with yourself and content with your life, why do you question it? You are interacting with the HBs on this forum are you not?
I don’t question your choice at all and I think you may be too introspective and that those you do interact with are causing you to question yourself.

Live long and prosper
FL Mary

Ps I reread this and it sounds like a put down. It is not. I have a sense of humor and love to look at all sides of things in general.

Jump to this post

Hi I m all ears,
Thanx for your reply.
No prob answering you question about living arrangements: I live in a family neighborhood…lots of kids. Sometimes I baby sit. Few people accept my answers and explanations for having what I have driving what I drive, and as they try to “ figure me out “ most think that I’m hiding some truth based on “ starving artist “ stereotypes. There are many truths I’m hiding because if they doubt what I tell them I know that no truth or lie will satisfy all curiosities. Imagine if you will someone asking you how much you are worthy, how much money you have on hand, etc etc
Less is often better ( words from my minimalist period )

IMHO, most people don’t “ get me “ I’m mostly okay with that but I do think that there still exists out there who might quietly observe me, maybe from a distance, maybe up close if the can get in; and like the Caterpillar to Alice, they will ask: “ Who are YOU? “
I believe that I will recognize what’s being asked and delve into the inquiry…

My brother who I was once very close with always introduced me to new friends as : “ my brother from another planet “ I LOVED IT! However more often than not others would ask me why I allow him to disparage me like that?

We once understood each other so for me that was an accurate description as in most other ways we were very dissimilar.

Now we’re strangers

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@stuckonu First, I find it interesting that you feel the way you feel regarding living alone! Your post indicates that you are a man. In my experience, men do not generally like to live alone at all, they are not good at entertaining themselves. I (a woman) can be quite content alone. When I was young and single, many years ago, the guys all wanted roommates whereas the women were striving for when they could afford to have their own apartments alone.

I totally agree with you regarding the impatience of people and they often start responding to something before the other person has completed their thought, leading to an inappropriate response. A couple of people with whom I am very close do that very frequently and it is maddening.

I haven't seen the movie the Martian but I get the gist of it from your comments about it. As far as "what is he trying to say", I think you are just thinking "out loud" and bouncing your thoughts off of us, which is fine. People are social beings and as such most of us, even those of us like yourself who enjoy retiring to their home where they can be alone, generally want some social time also. I saw a definition of introverts vs extraverts once that said introverts re-energize by being alone, whereas extraverts re-energize by being with people, being social. I find that true of myself, an introvert. By the end of a social evening I am often very glad to have some time to myself. My son would appear to many people to be very extraverted but I know him, and I know he does re-energize by getting some time alone. My daughter very definitely does too, more so than either of us.

I am not sure if this is the type of input you are seeking or not, but that’s all I have. I think you enjoy being an anomaly.
JK

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