Im a loving compassionate woman. I have 40 yrs of PTST. Every kind of abuse. I have attemped suicide so many times starting at age 16. Now Im 58. I have lost my Husband an two older girls and grandkids. I got divorced 10 yrs ago. I have never been the same. My ex still keeps in touch,but my 23yr old and 28 yr old daughters just dont bother with me. I have gone out of my way all these years to be close but the pain of the divorce is like a death that separated us. I am again at the point of no desire to live. I have been on every kind of medicine, and in and out of hospitals for years. The Doctors are tired of me and I cant blame them.I have been in counceling from age 18 till now 58yrs old. I have borderline,bipolar,PTSD,ADD,memory loss,many serious health problems. I have no one in my life.No friends.My relatives live out of state and are in there own worlds.So really whats the purpose. To live just to wake up? everyone deserves to be loved and to love. Even a Dog . I hate my brain and my life. even when I would be doing good and what seemed to be happy hasnt changed anything. My daughter and grandson live 4 miles away and I never hear from her. I get 660.00 from SSI and my rent is 550.00. I need major surgery in my eye so I dont go blind. I can hardly walk or take care of my home because Im in severe cronic pain. I just went to the doctor and he said my pain and issues are comming from me. I have exrays and pror tests of degenerative joints. in spine.Fibromyalgia.Osteoporsis. Rumatoid arthritis.A rare Glaucoma. I do not have enough money to have enough food or meet basic human needs. At times I feel gratefull, and when things get to much and I run out of resourses, Im back to square one.ground zero again. Im on disability now. I used to have a great carreer and loving family. I know theres people far worse off. But I was told not to compare. It is what it is. Its past the getting old stage. So Im making a plan. There is and never will be a reason to keep on suffering.and to be a burden and a dark shadow lingering for those I love.