Increased depression after the death of my father

Posted by aliali @aliali, May 10, 2019

I was diagnosed with depression. My dad passed away four days ago. Before the death, my depression was perfectly controlled; I was very strong and happy. I thought that I am unbeatable and nothing could harm me or cause my depression again! I was very happy and excited. However, when I was told that my father has just passed away, I was very shocked and in doubt that he passed away. I am still in doubt due to the shock!! I am sleeping 12 hours a day due to increased depressive symptoms! I feel the desire to sleep all the time even when I am typing these words to escape the reality. I feel no reason to stay alive. I do not mean suicidal thoughts or attempts but I mean hmm, actually I feel it difficult to select the appropriate word here. May I feel no motivation for staying alive. Is anybody willing to help me?

Your father just died days ago. How would you expect to feel? Let yourself feel this way. It is ok, and normal. He just died! My dad died when I was 21 years old, and I am now 68. No one was more important to me. I still feel his loss, and have kept memories of him alive in my mind, because I would never want to loose them. You are grieving. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself sleep. It is OK. It is normal. How could there be another way? I was numb after my father died. Like nothing happened. That frightened me. I did not understand how it could be. About two or maybe even three years later, the grief began. I suffered. I had trouble loving the love of my life, and I let him go. Thankfully, with time, I went on with my life, got married, had a son, have a daughter in law, and grandson. But the memory and pain is always there. We love. Our loved ones die. Such is the power of our lives. We endure because we are alive, and here, on this earth. Grieve. Let yourself. It is life. It is love. God bless and keep you, Lori Renee

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@aliali First, I send you condolences on the loss of your father. If his passing was not expected, then it is doubly difficult for everyone right now. You are a young man, and perhaps still look to your father figure for guidance in many things. There may have been things you wanted to discuss with him, and feel you may not be able to voice now, which can be frustrating and disappointing. Allow yourself this grief process, and do not be so hard on yourself. For a long time you will hear his voice, or see his presence in things, and this is the way the mind works. Each person has their own way to grieve. Check with your doctor, and let him know about your father's passing, how it is affecting you. He may have some good suggestions for coping right now.
Ginger

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@lorirenee1

Your father just died days ago. How would you expect to feel? Let yourself feel this way. It is ok, and normal. He just died! My dad died when I was 21 years old, and I am now 68. No one was more important to me. I still feel his loss, and have kept memories of him alive in my mind, because I would never want to loose them. You are grieving. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself sleep. It is OK. It is normal. How could there be another way? I was numb after my father died. Like nothing happened. That frightened me. I did not understand how it could be. About two or maybe even three years later, the grief began. I suffered. I had trouble loving the love of my life, and I let him go. Thankfully, with time, I went on with my life, got married, had a son, have a daughter in law, and grandson. But the memory and pain is always there. We love. Our loved ones die. Such is the power of our lives. We endure because we are alive, and here, on this earth. Grieve. Let yourself. It is life. It is love. God bless and keep you, Lori Renee

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1. Have you ever been diagnosed with depression?
2. How much time does a normal grief take? How can I ensure that everything is happening the normal way?
3. Is it normal that grief cause a depressive episode?

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@aliali

1. Have you ever been diagnosed with depression?
2. How much time does a normal grief take? How can I ensure that everything is happening the normal way?
3. Is it normal that grief cause a depressive episode?

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@aliali Please excuse me for answering these same questions. Yes, I have been diagnosed with depression, and have had both medications and talk therapy. Really, grief takes as long as it takes, I don't know that you can put a timeframe on it. And in the near future, you might be having a good day, then something may trigger a memory of your father, causing sadness or grief for a short moment. It's all okay, and to be expected. I don't believe emotions [Good or bad, positive or negative] can be assigned a definite timeline. That's my opinion.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@aliali Please excuse me for answering these same questions. Yes, I have been diagnosed with depression, and have had both medications and talk therapy. Really, grief takes as long as it takes, I don't know that you can put a timeframe on it. And in the near future, you might be having a good day, then something may trigger a memory of your father, causing sadness or grief for a short moment. It's all okay, and to be expected. I don't believe emotions [Good or bad, positive or negative] can be assigned a definite timeline. That's my opinion.
Ginger

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Yes; I think I agree with you that a feeling will not last forever. I feel that I began to accept the reality of my father’s mortality and I can see many positive sides in that. But I think I have to see my physician soon. By the way, is there any recommended book on this subject ? Reading has changed my life from worst to best. I am willing to purchase and read any recommended book.

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@aliali– My sincere condolences on the death of your dad. I lost my dad when I was 42 but I remember it like it was yesterday. It takes quite a while to grieve but I do not think that we ever stop mourning especially if it someone who means a great deal to us.
I have been depressed almost my entire life. I think right now you are also feeling an immersive amount of sadness.
Grief can cause all sorts of feelings. Anything that you feel right now is normal so try not to think of things as normal or abnormal. Just take the time that you need to mourn your dad. Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Do you have a therapist that might help you in the future?

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@lorirenee1

Your father just died days ago. How would you expect to feel? Let yourself feel this way. It is ok, and normal. He just died! My dad died when I was 21 years old, and I am now 68. No one was more important to me. I still feel his loss, and have kept memories of him alive in my mind, because I would never want to loose them. You are grieving. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself sleep. It is OK. It is normal. How could there be another way? I was numb after my father died. Like nothing happened. That frightened me. I did not understand how it could be. About two or maybe even three years later, the grief began. I suffered. I had trouble loving the love of my life, and I let him go. Thankfully, with time, I went on with my life, got married, had a son, have a daughter in law, and grandson. But the memory and pain is always there. We love. Our loved ones die. Such is the power of our lives. We endure because we are alive, and here, on this earth. Grieve. Let yourself. It is life. It is love. God bless and keep you, Lori Renee

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@aliali I'm sorry about your Dad as many have said grief isn't on a timetable just work through it day by day Your lucky to have had your Dad as long as you did My Dad died when I was 6 and I don't remember much about him but one thing sitting on his lap listening to the old Philco radio so just remember the happy times with your Dad now 😊 grief in time will subside but you never forget I haven't.Im76

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@merpreb

@aliali– My sincere condolences on the death of your dad. I lost my dad when I was 42 but I remember it like it was yesterday. It takes quite a while to grieve but I do not think that we ever stop mourning especially if it someone who means a great deal to us.
I have been depressed almost my entire life. I think right now you are also feeling an immersive amount of sadness.
Grief can cause all sorts of feelings. Anything that you feel right now is normal so try not to think of things as normal or abnormal. Just take the time that you need to mourn your dad. Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Do you have a therapist that might help you in the future?

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How should my day go these days? I am out of energy; should I force myself to go to the gym? Should I keep dwelling on the what happened or should I ignore that? Regarding my therapist, I can see him after more two months! His schedule is busy!!

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@lioness

@aliali I'm sorry about your Dad as many have said grief isn't on a timetable just work through it day by day Your lucky to have had your Dad as long as you did My Dad died when I was 6 and I don't remember much about him but one thing sitting on his lap listening to the old Philco radio so just remember the happy times with your Dad now 😊 grief in time will subside but you never forget I haven't.Im76

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This is the first time I lose a so beloved one. It may be the reason why I am shocked. I am out of energy and can’t tell what I should do!

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I am trying to go thru a book or an article which may help me with my situation. I hope you may suggest any!

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@aliali

How should my day go these days? I am out of energy; should I force myself to go to the gym? Should I keep dwelling on the what happened or should I ignore that? Regarding my therapist, I can see him after more two months! His schedule is busy!!

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@aliali– Right now you are in deep mourning and should have whatever kind of day pleases you. If you are aching to get some exercise but feel drained and I I suspect you do, take a little walk outside. I'm not sure what you are referring to when you ignoring recent events.
One of the first books written about loss was written by a woman named Elizabeth Kubla Ross. Her book has been thought of as the bible, if you will. She discusses in details the 7 stages of loss. I have learned that these are true but they don't always come in a certain order. https://smile.amazon.com/s?k=elizabeth+kubler+ross+death+the+final+stage+of+growth&crid=1SOV6T82N0RYS&sprefix=kubler+ross+stages+of+death%2Caps%2C202&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_27
Have you checked out Connect's loss group? I'm not sure if I sent it to you
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/?utm_campaign=search

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@aliali

I am trying to go thru a book or an article which may help me with my situation. I hope you may suggest any!

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@aliali– I just sent you a book title. I know that you are confused now because of the shock. That will calm down as you accept this emotionally, May I ask if you have had the funeral as yet?
There is no one way to grieve or act or feel. Did you get my post about the book?

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@merpreb Yes I know that book and it is right on but @aliali when I lost my husband working got me through it plus one thing we talked about was remodeling the basement just cleaning and painting so I threw myself into this Don't worry so much about how you should act grief is something you go threw if you can look at those sites merprep gave you

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@merpreb

@aliali– Right now you are in deep mourning and should have whatever kind of day pleases you. If you are aching to get some exercise but feel drained and I I suspect you do, take a little walk outside. I'm not sure what you are referring to when you ignoring recent events.
One of the first books written about loss was written by a woman named Elizabeth Kubla Ross. Her book has been thought of as the bible, if you will. She discusses in details the 7 stages of loss. I have learned that these are true but they don't always come in a certain order. https://smile.amazon.com/s?k=elizabeth+kubler+ross+death+the+final+stage+of+growth&crid=1SOV6T82N0RYS&sprefix=kubler+ross+stages+of+death%2Caps%2C202&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_27
Have you checked out Connect's loss group? I'm not sure if I sent it to you
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/?utm_campaign=search

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I mean by ignoring the recent events hmm avoid thinking in the matter of my father’s death. As a depressed, not thinking in some negative ideas has given me infinite energy and self esteem! I will go thru the book immediately!

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@merpreb

@aliali– I just sent you a book title. I know that you are confused now because of the shock. That will calm down as you accept this emotionally, May I ask if you have had the funeral as yet?
There is no one way to grieve or act or feel. Did you get my post about the book?

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During the funeral, I had unreasonable ideas. Sometimes I doubt the death of my father; sometimes I accept that and feel overwhelmed! I got your post about the book !

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