Importance of focusing on Positive with Depression & Anxiety.

Hello
Thank you for support and kind words (Lori)💓
My depression came many years after my husband had a very serious accident,felling a tree that went wrong leaving him with severed spinal cord and t12 injury and is wheelchair chair bound.so for about 20 years I’ve been “managing” my depression fairly well
Walking daily saved me
So I could be doing without this Anxiety. I have a very supportive family always ,but as they do not have Anxiety it is difficult for them to understand,
Anxiety is scary,as I think it will affect my defibrilator
And why this group is so beneficial for me,
knowing others are going through it too.
Thank you

@hearttoheart1 First, I have to say how sorry I am to learn of your husband’s spinal cord injury. What a tragic, life-altering event for both of you! How old was he when the accident happened? With a T-12 injury is he still able to use his arms freely? Is he coping well and fairly independent?
It’s wonderful to have a supportive family but they’re not with you 24/7 to face the daily challenges of being ‘chief cook and bottle washer’ as my mom used to say. Having all that responsibility doesn’t leave you with much time to dedicate to yourself. You sound like a wonderfully dedicated caregiver and are so amazing with how well you’ve balanced everything over the years. Do you tend to be great on the surface but keep all this pressure held inside?

You mentioned you’ve recently had a defibrillator implanted and that you’re worried your anxiety affecting it? Has it? Or is this a ‘what if’ moment? That’s when diversion techniques are really helpful! It’s awful the power anxiety can have over us!
Speaking of diversion, a couple of therapies which really helped my adult daughter over her anxiety:
EMDR-Eye Movement Desensitization and Repossessing. She said this one helped her the most!
MBRS~mindfulness based stress reduction. Both of these techniques have brought her back to a normal life again.
There are clinicians who specialize in these techniques so you might look for a center or therapist in your area.
Again, talking with your physician is a good first step to getting long term help.

Meant to add this: When we started “Operation Armageddon” for my cancer battle, my daughter’s gift to me was a book: Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness. By Jon Katat-Zin and Thich Nhat Hanh. It’s become a bible to both of us!
This might be a useful tool for you in the meantime!
Best to you!! Lori

Such a wealth of knowledge and information you have shared with me.
Knowledge is power so I will take all on board .
The accident happened on New Year’s Eve 1986.he was 36 .I was 28.and had 4little girls at the time
Youngest just 5months.
They are amazing girls,and want the best for their Mum now
Yes my husband is kept very busy
I got him a lovely greenhouse with double doors a year after his accident now lots of fruit etc grown and vegetables too,!
Now ,I need to focus on getting this Anxiety out of my life so I can be the best I can be
Thank you again..🥰

@hearttoheart1 What’s the old axiom? With age comes wisdom or something like that. But you’re right, knowledge IS power. And you’re a true dear heart who possesses an enormous capacity for love, patience and understanding. What a wonderful role model for your daughters. The greenhouse for your husband was brilliant! I have no doubts you’ll tackle this anxiety head on and be the victor! Sending you positive vibes!

Hi Merry @merpreb, @BoneHead, and @ginger. Thanks for your notes. My mantra that has extended over from my youth was "This too shall pass." A couple of things that helped me slog through depression, chronic fatigue, and debilitating headaches were (1) accepting the concept of enough...whatever I could do that day, even if it was just getting out of bed, was enough and (2) celebrating small accomplishments, such as avoiding a headache that day, as victories. As a former Type-A personality, these three illnesses almost literally stopped me dead in my tracks and forced me to change to cope with them. I agree that having a positive attitude makes a huge difference in everything we do and need to clarify that from my previous post. I just couldn't be positive when I was chronically depressed. People use the term depressed to mean sad, blue, low, etc; and a positive attitude and doing things to lift our spirits at such times definitely helps. I just hope they never experience episodes of major depression. Thanks again for your insights. Nancy

@nla4625 Only those of us that have experienced major depression have any idea what it is like. I know I work hard at not allowing depression to reach that volume again. Not always easy either. Takes work on a daily basis. In 2013 the depression became so severe I became psychotic. Very frightening. I new what I was seeing and hearing weren't there yet I couldn't stop it. Fear can be a powerful thing. I did get through it and thankful for the things I have learned since then. Self care is important and not a selfish thing. Connect is a place of help and healing.

@Parus. I too work hard to hopefully avoid another episode of major depression. I use a light box during the winter and on gloomy days, take supplements, eat well, get enough sleep, and take breaks from the news. Whenever I make a major life move that could trigger another episode of depression, such as leaving the farm I loved in SE MN or leaving Minnesota, my chosen home of 40+ years, I plan and take a great adventure to ease the transition. Due to a problem I'm having with my lungs, I get breathless easily so don't get enough exercise. I have learned a lot from people on MayoConnect, particularly on the hearing site, that is really going to improve my quality of life once I feel it's safe to visit an audiologist and get a hearing aid. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and hope neither of us ever has another bout of major depression. Thanks for your nice note. Nancy

@nla4625- Good morning Nancy. Nancy, I find it interesting that you claim to no-longer be a type-A personality. How is this possible. I found that my anger and aggression increased when I was at the worst of my anxiety/depressive stage. Is there a trick that I missed?

I agree that doing things that people suggest, like having a positive attitude during very low times seems so impossible to me. At other times I think that I have a handle on it. Even with anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds it sometimes breaks through. I believe that it's chemical. Zoloft and bupropion are good for me most of the time. I just hesitate to jump around trying others maybe 3 times during the year.

@merpreb. I'm not sure what a TypeA personality means to you or to a professional psychologist. I've never been aggressive or angry, although in my readings about depression I found some believe depression is anger turned inward. To me a TypeA personality is very competitive, controlling, driven to excel and succeed, leads rather than follows, handles numerous things well at the same time, and rarely takes time to relax and smell the roses. I used to be that way but found I couldn't do much of anything when I was depressed, suffering from horrendous headaches, or experiencing debilitating fatigue caused by chronic fatigue. I had no energy to do anything other than meet my basic needs and came to realize how much energy I had expended trying to control things, excel, do too much, compete, etc. I was forced to change my behavior and priorities by my depressions, headaches and chronic fatigue and than chose not to go back to my old ways when I was better. It's wonderful and freeing to let other people lead, solve their own problems, realize control is an illusion, and not having to compete, win or weigh my worth through what I achieve. I'm much happier not being a TypeA personality. I'm really in awe of all the medical issues you are dealing with and yet you spend so much of your time helping others on MayoConnect. Thank you! I'm glad you have your art and gardens. Spring is coming...
Take care. Nancy

@dianrib I wanted to check back. How are you doing?