I survived suicide attempts

Posted by Jim, Volunteer Mentor @jimhd, Oct 6, 2016

I haven’t attempted lately, though the idea lingers. I’ve taken overdoses a number of times, and spent time in a nice facility twice. At this point, I mostly don’t want to end my life, primarily because of concern for my wife. Sometimes, when I’m in a lot of physical and emotional pain, I wish I had died.

Liked by lucky1038

@parus

Interesting…My family expects this of me since my father went out with a bang. Thing is, this choice, would not benefit anyone. Knowing how my father’s choice changed my life I do not want my own adult children to go through what I have for over 42 years. Being the survivor of someone else close is something that stays forever. Even though I believe my adult children would not care (my dad never said a word to another about his plan). I am able to care for myself and can still drive some. I would never want to be a burden on my family with nothing of value to leave them. Some happy memories is the best I can hope for.
@jimhd Thank you for sharing as it helps to know how others cope. I am 66 and still moving on. Time with my grandson is “my” greatest joy. Hurdles there. I am patient and anxiously await an invitation. I am capable of being alone with him and we have so much fun. Tells me there is still a reason to continue to try. When I get the time with him I don’t notice the pain. Sometimes love is not enough.

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@parus I was looking back at this discussion and saw your name and wondered how you're doing.

I took a break from Connect because I was feeling overwhelmed, but I jumped back in a few weeks ago.

Jim

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@overwhelmed

Hi Jim, thanks for thinking of me. I have not been on in a while even in some of the other groups. My health has been deteriorating more & more lately. I also just finished getting the last three of my teeth removed ( a result of having severe dry mouth, a side effect of my medications). I have been told that dentures for me will be approximately $30k!!! This Once again is due to the medications giving me dry mouth. Since I barely have any saliva my mouth cannot hold in normal dentures!! I need bone graphs & almost snap like things that hold the dentures to the top & bottom of my mouth. I am not sure that I have that kind of money to spend, especially on myself. I have had to get a lot of work done around my house & that is not cheap. I am also trying to stay in my house as long as I can but unfortunately it is a two storey so I am going to need an electronic chair to get me up & down soon!! The stairs are the hardest thing for me! Before I can do that I need to redo all of my floors (more $$$) not just because my house is almost 20 years old and the carpet is really due. Plus I can’t use my scooter on carpet. So far it h as been difficult doing an

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@overwhelmed

How are you doing? I took a long break from Connect because I was feeling overwhelmed. I decided a few weeks ago to reconnect on a smaller, more manageable scale.

I wonder if you've been able to get your new teeth. I suppose by now that you have new flooring.

Let me know what's going on with you.

Jim

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@lilgrizz

@jimhd I am not sure I have the words to help but I’m gonna sure try with you anyway. I myself have attempted suicide twice. And now thinking back I am glad I didn’t succeed when I think about my kids and parents. They stood beside me all the way but reminded me how they would always be scared to leave me alone again which would impede on them ever having a normal life. It just wouldn’t be fair to any of them having to baby sit me forever. It has been about seven yrs now since my last attempt. But I didn’t become healed all the way. I switched suicide for cutting which scared them just as bad because they were just afraid I would end up cutting my wrist too deep and bleeding to death before I could get to the hospital. I have about 50 scars on both wrist so eventually I managed to kick that habit with a better psychiatrist, the right mixture of meds, and a caring neurologist, and God. Especially God. Now I’m not saying you have to believe in god but believe in something, somebody who can help you, it just to hard to do it alone. And don’t forget how bad that charcoal taste, that is if you had to drink it. I did and it was very unpleasant and then one time it was to late and they kept me in ICU for a week. But I hear you when the emotional and now more so the physical pain gets to be more than I can handle cutting, more so than suicide really, lirks around in my brain. It creeps close to the surface just begging me to cut ONE more time but I’ve learned to talk to someone and for me I pray also. Just remember you got all of us to talk too.

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@lilgrizz

I took a long break from Connect because I was feeling overwhelmed. But I decided to reconnect a few weeks ago. I hope you're still moving forward.

Thank you for your encouragement a couple of years ago.

Jim

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Hi all, as social interaction is limited with the COVID-19 virus and many members have concerns they'd like to discuss, Mayo Clinic Connect has opened up a brand new group dedicated to COVID-19, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/covid-19/. The hope is to help members connect and cope during these unprecedented times.

Please follow the COVID-19 group by clicking on +Follow, look at the discussions there and participate. You are also welcome to start a new discussion on any COVID-19-related topic you'd like to discuss.

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