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Hi Jim,
I have actually suffered with depression on & off since I was 13. Unfortunately, it is only now that they are really speaking about mental illness
and investment in our Healthcare System. The couple of psychologists that I saw were terrible, not to mention the fact that you had to wait for weeks in between appointments. My closest attempt was ridiculous. They had to bring in a doctor out of retirement in order to just release me....Nothing much else was done.
Frankly I know the end will come soon for me. I cannot handle my Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) much longer. I am on maximum dosage for my meds. I know at some point the pain meds will no longer be effective for me. I already am experiencing this with my breakthrough pain meds. I started out only needing to take one 8mg pill when I experienced breakthrough pain and now I am up to 6 x 8mg. = 48 mg. and I am only prescribed enough for a maximum of 10 per day. So once I have one episode of breakthrough pain I do not have enough for a second or third etc. Not only is the pain getting worse, it is spreading throughout my body. I am not sure how much longer I am going to be able to get around with just my canes and scooters. My husband use to be my support and now I have none. My daughter, while not the best support she was the closest to me and she has now moved to Nova Scotia (by the Atlantic Ocean).
I already spend many nights crying in pain. Nights seem to be the worst. I speak to my husband's urn when I can barely take it any more.
It is very frustrating as well when there are so many doctors that have never heard of my condition or don;t believe in it. Every time ( I have had to
be taken to the hospital by ambulance around 3 times in the last few years ) I get in the ambulance they ask me about my condition's name over and over again. Then they get to the hospital and say the same thing to the doctors. They also are alarmed at all my meds. especially my pain meds. They treat me like I am some sort of a junkie and ignore me practically for hours. Before my husband would show up and be my advocate. I just am sick of having to endure living like this. I don't even have anything to look forward to any more they are not working on any other treatments here right now and even if they were they won't try the SCS surgery on me. Not to mention I do not have much energy to fight the fight any more. If the shoe were on the other foot I bet they would be on the operating table in a hurry.
Jim I am sorry that you are dealing with so much but please fight to get the surgery done. I am sure with the pain you are experiencing potentially off the table, it may not rid you of your depression but I am sure that it will lessen it to some extent.
Now it is my turn to be very tired and try to get a little bit of sleep or at least close my eyes to rest them.
Keep in touch Jim. Please.
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I've not had doctors take my pain or conditions lightly. As soon as I say the word suicide, or tell them where my depression is, they listen. Once I get started with a therapist, I've always been able to get weekly sessions, and more often if things were intense. I've been told by doctors to call them if I need to talk, as well. One real challenge has been that unless I work with the hospital behavioral health, I can't find any therapist because they don't take Medicare clients. That is true for any doctor. They can accept what Medicare allows and not charge me for anything above that, or they can choose not to accept Medicare allocations, which means either self-pay or having other health insurance.
I hope that you won't get to the place where you can no longer live with the plan. None of us want to get to that point, though I understand how that feels, having been there, with emotional pain rather than physical. Now it's a combination. Even though I'm at the point of overdosing, I am still at peace because I know that I'm prepared to transition to heaven. Without that knowledge, my feelings of hopelessness would be much, much worse. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, I can be more specific.
I just got a call from the doctor's office, and have the implanting of the trial scs scheduled for April, after my wife gets back home. Now, at least I have something to look forward to.
I bought some new used wheels and tires last week, and I need to paint them down in my cellar, so I should get to work on them.
I'll be praying for you, and I would welcome your prayers.
Jim