I just don't know what to do anymore.

Val29, I see the pain you are in. I would like to share something with you and I would like to ask a question if you don't mind.
My nephew who is 28 still lives with his parents because his situation is complicated also. He was born with Spina bifida and as a result he is paraplegic. His situation is different because he isn't being emotionally or physically abused. But he is dependent on his parents for nearly everything.

Have you ever had a case manager working with you? In most states there is an agency that can oversees care of adults who are dependent due to either physical or mental difficulties. In my state it is the Division of Aging. It sounds like it would be for seniors but it works with people over the age of 21. A phone call to their toll free number will start the process. My nephew worked with that agency. That agency referred him to other services that also help him to become more self sufficient. What state do you live in? I would look the agency for that State to give that information to you.

Denise

@val29
You're in a tough situation, but you're still young and have time to change you situation.

Do you know about the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988), you can call and talk to someone anytime. Their website is https://988lifeline.org

Do you go to school or work?

@val29 I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. It's not your fault. The fact that you have come here today tells me you have the courage to take the next step and want to begin a better life.

@denisestlouie and @roch have given some excellent ideas. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

I see a couple good suggestions here 988 -is a crisis line. Call when you can freely talk. And ask about getting a case manager-it will start the process of you getting life long freedom

PTSD ANXIETY DEPRESSION
Traumatic events through life been a widow for 12 years I am 71 years old-DEAF a care giver to two other family members dealing with daily harassment
anxiety and isolation because I can’t communicate without help with the outside world!!
Been assessed for CI but decided against it!! I need someone just to talk too when desperate! Thank you and Happy New Year ! MY

I’m sorry you feel so bad. I have also had much trauma in my life and have to deal with a family member that is mean and cruel, a bully to the core. I’m not totally deaf but have profound hearing loss in my right ear and moderate in my left. I learned ASL many years ago but have forgotten most of it as others in my life refused to learn. My doctor has suggested a CI but I just don’t want it. It feels incredibly invasive.
I would be glad to communicate with you any time and would hope that through this forum, I could provide you with some support.
Take care and Happy New Year!

P.S. I’m 61 years old, just use that profile picture as it reminds me of a happier time in my life.

Please don’t end it. I know it seems like there is no way out of your current situation but I assure you that there is. I would recommend that you call a domestic violence hotline. They have many resources and could potentially help you get out of your house and into an independent living situation or maybe even a group home that would provide you with more support.
Make no mistake about it! You are experiencing domestic violence and abuse and have every right to pursue a way out that doesn’t involve suicide. I’ve been there. I tried to take my own life several times. It never worked and only made things worse.
Reach out to me. I will offer you support and caring as a fellow human being who experiences mental illness and has dealt with domestic abuse.
Take care. It’s a new year and you can start living a new life.

Long long answer but...

Is there a women's shelter in your area? If you are being physically abused, you should fully qualify for their assistance. One of the things such facilities are very good at is getting women into safe housing. To my mind, the first thing you need to do is get to a place where your fear of being physically harmed is removed. That's paramount before you can begin to heal.

Parents hitting children is always a bad situation. That's abuse. Parents hitting adult children is abuse and beyond. Verbal abuse is always unacceptable as well. That abuse isn't an end in itself. Abuse is a means to an end, and the end it is aimed at is breaking you and controlling you. They might be your parents, but they would not do this to you if they loved you. They might say they love you, but people do not treat those they love in such a manner.

I'm male, so I haven't suffered the physical end, but I went through a relationship long ago with a woman who subjected me to the mental and emotional end of it, and while the physical abuse you are enduring is orders of magnitude worse that what happened to me, and I want to emphasize that my experience pales in relation to yours, I did go through that cycle of feeling like it was just my life, that somehow this was normal, that there was no way out of it. That's what the abuser wants from you.

I knew even as I was in the midst of it that it was destroying me. I made repeated efforts at clawing my way out. They were repeatedly followed by getting sucked back in by the partner. That part I'm familiar with. It's an insane cycle to live through. It has to be broken first. I was unable to address the emotional damage that the relationship did to me and get beyond it until I was able to first escape it. It's critical that you get out of it.

The next step is getting counseling. I was fortunate to have a wonderful boss who I went to work for just as the relationship was ending who basically forced the issue. "I don't know what happened to you," she said, "but what's going on with you isn't a normal breakup. There's something else going on here." She was so so right, and the counseling helped me understand what had occurred and find my way towards being fully free from it and making peace with it. 33 years later I still consider what my boss did for me when she refused to accept any of my excuses and just insisted and insisted and insisted and even argued with me until I relented to be one of the greatest gifts anyone ever gave me. Perhaps the greatest. We're still in touch. I've told her so. Even all these years later I still tell her so. I would not have fully found my way to understanding it if she had not stepped in when she did. I would not have found my way towards living beyond it. I was beginning to make some very bad choices even though I was free of the actual relationship by then. It's really hard to think straight, even after getting out. You're going to need that help. A women's shelter should be able to get that for you as well.

You are being abused. You need to get out of that situation first. You might need to – and I suspect absolutely have to – cut your parents off. They have harmed you. You cannot have a normal relationship with them unless they get help as well. But in your situation, I don't feel it can be family therapy. You don't trust them. Nor should you. You need to work on you. Let them solve their own problems if they wish. But that's not your responsibility.

My advice is to look for resources in the area where you live. Especially in your case, a women's shelter where they have people trained to get you exactly what you need. Especially your immediate needs. My experience was that simply freeing myself from the relationship that was destroying me was the only way I could begin to get beyond it. Escaping it was first, counseling was second.

The duration of my experience was much shorter than yours , but it's still a part of me, and it will always be a piece of you regardless of what steps you take. You'll have to accept that. It's trauma. But you can make it a past experience in your life. It can and will get better if you get out. I met my now-wife a year after getting free of it, one year after entering therapy. We've been together 32 years now. You too can find a better place to be. But you have to escape the abuse first. Please do whatever that takes. Get out of there.

Add on: I was 26 when I fell down the hole. The same age you are now. You're young. You have your full life in front of you. Don't let your parents rob that from you. That's what abuse is aimed at accomplishing. Please free yourself of them. It does get better.

One more add on: If you get into a women's shelter, they will not let your parents get near you. They will see to your physical safety first. If they put you into housing, they will not let your parents know where this is. Women's shelters are an unfortunate but vital need in every community. We regularly contribute to ours.

Thank you so much. But I have no idea how to escape. They won't even let me get a job...trust me, I tried....a lot