I don't know what to expect or do next

Posted by elsmore @elsmore, Feb 19 10:03am

My wife of 59 years and I both turn 80 this year. My wife started to show signs of dementia about 5 years ago and at that time I committed to her that I would keep her at home as long as I could. Things are now really bad. She has lost her memory to do most common tasks. We have had separate bedrooms for the past 3 years or more. This morning she woke me up at 5am to tell me she had to go to the toilet and did not know how to go. Early hour wake ups are common. She talks to herself non stop, wanting to go home, get out of this place and asking why am I so mean. Believe me I am not mean and try my best to keep up with daily life. Home is her place of birth which she left when we got married 59 years ago. Some days I feel like screaming and running away but of course this is not going to happen. I am trying to solve the problem of limited outside contact. She has no relatives and one friend who she talks to on the phome as she lives a distance away. She fears everyone and has hallucinations about people who are in the house and steal from her. A few days ago she said someone raped her when she went to the bathroom. There is much more that |I could say but I am reaching out for help.

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1995victoria | @1995victoria | Feb 22 11:26am

My cousin was calling every few minutes asking about what day is it, she was taking a month's prescription meds in a week, not paying bills, etc. As I am older, and do not live close by, I contacted her church where she was always very active. They attempted to help, until it was determined she was not safe living alone. Now she is in assisted living, She thinks she is in Florida (she isn't) and I tell her to enjoy her stay and stay a few more weeks. Life is cruel sometimes, but I'm glad she is being cared for and most important in a safe place.

bunzman | @bunzman | Feb 22 1:37pm

Yes. I know what you are talking about as have been there. You can try and contact your county or look up if there are any Aging & Disabilty agencies you can seek help from either monetary to help pay for caregivers to come in & any support groups available. Having said that do you have a doctor for her that can assess her condition & give guidance as to where she is at and direction as to whether you should consider placing her in some kind of assisted living / memory care facility. You MUST not just rely on feedback here but follow up with someone who can help you assess your situation, as what you have been told about it not going to get better in terms of her condition & your ability to care for properly IS very true. Please act... God Bless