How to handle dependency on therapy or the psychologist?

Posted by jonasd @jonasd, Jul 20, 2021

I am working on my depression for 2 years now, it begins with a burn out crisis of working and family relations. I found a good psychologist that’s helps me a lot, with the time with became also friends, I think that it is based on the confidence that we have.
The problem is that I’m fighting inside myself because I don’t want to depend on her help, she has stabilized boundaries. But I still hoping her attention and help when I’m alone crying with specific things that I can’t handle, and I realize that in those specific moments she never answers my messages or calls and I think that’s ok because she has a personal life.
With that ideas in my mind I can’t find the balance between counting on her help and my good emotional independence. Any idea please help!

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Hi @jonasd and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. It can definitely be a struggle when you are lost or lonely and your main support is your healthcare professional. There are certain boundaries that your psychologist may have to adhere to, but you deserve to have a confidant that is there for you. Connect is a great place to meet individuals who are experiencing similar situations that you may be able to reach out to during those times.

I'd like to introduce you to some members that are part of the depression and anxiety group that may be able to share their stories with you. @marjou, @kelster69, @mariajean03, @gingerw, @mjpg2013, @mandrake70

Are you currently taking anything for your depression?

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Hi @jonasd. My first thought for you would be to seek out a support group in your area. Check to see if NAMI has meetings near by. Sometimes a group can help when a professional can't. The professional is really there to help you learn to deal with the problems and to teach you to work with some ideas and tools. They aren't there for a lot of support. A good group supports each other and might be of some help when you are in crisis.

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@jonasd I understand about having times when things seem so overwhelming. Your psychologist is working with you to develop tools to use and help yourself. Sometimes it is hard to get going on making changes. @mandrake70 is right, about seeking out a support group, whether it is in-person or online. Other things that have helped me are exercise- even a simple walk, journaling your thoughts and how you are responding, and perhaps medications to help rebalance your brain.

Do any of these sound like something you are willing to try?
Ginger

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@amandaburnett

Hi @jonasd and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. It can definitely be a struggle when you are lost or lonely and your main support is your healthcare professional. There are certain boundaries that your psychologist may have to adhere to, but you deserve to have a confidant that is there for you. Connect is a great place to meet individuals who are experiencing similar situations that you may be able to reach out to during those times.

I'd like to introduce you to some members that are part of the depression and anxiety group that may be able to share their stories with you. @marjou, @kelster69, @mariajean03, @gingerw, @mjpg2013, @mandrake70

Are you currently taking anything for your depression?

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Thank you. Yes I’m taking medication. Wellbutrin 150 xl, fluoxetina 20, and clonazepan 2mg. That’s the kit!
I also hace problems with thyroid and insulin the psychology tells me that everything is connected I want to know more about, how to get out these and work for it.

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@gingerw

@jonasd I understand about having times when things seem so overwhelming. Your psychologist is working with you to develop tools to use and help yourself. Sometimes it is hard to get going on making changes. @mandrake70 is right, about seeking out a support group, whether it is in-person or online. Other things that have helped me are exercise- even a simple walk, journaling your thoughts and how you are responding, and perhaps medications to help rebalance your brain.

Do any of these sound like something you are willing to try?
Ginger

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Hey Ginger, do exercise is a must for me, a like to try new sports also. A lot of times I try to start a journal but I get stuck I don't know why.
Can you give an idea… of how to handle the frustration before I discovered my depression and start living it, I usually drink my own frustration and try to keep going like nothing happens, but know I cannot handle it and part of me thinks that I have to let it go, show it but sometimes I can hurt people that I love. Some help?

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@mandrake70

Hi @jonasd. My first thought for you would be to seek out a support group in your area. Check to see if NAMI has meetings near by. Sometimes a group can help when a professional can't. The professional is really there to help you learn to deal with the problems and to teach you to work with some ideas and tools. They aren't there for a lot of support. A good group supports each other and might be of some help when you are in crisis.

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That’s for the idea of the group support I am going to look for it. I really appreciate

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Oh @jonasd, I was there with the drinking too and that really needs to stop. I know how self-medicating works and it does help while you are drinking but it makes things worse in the long run. I have been sober for about 3 years now and it has helped a lot. Adding another change in the middle of what you are going through isn't going to be easy but it will be worth while. The meds you are taking will work much better without alcohol messing up your brain. If it is more than self-medicating, you may want to check out a local AA too. I think one thing you have to proud of is that you are asking for help to get better. That is the first step. Check on NAMI and AA groups. You may be surprised by the support you can get there. Best wishes.

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@jonasd

Hey Ginger, do exercise is a must for me, a like to try new sports also. A lot of times I try to start a journal but I get stuck I don't know why.
Can you give an idea… of how to handle the frustration before I discovered my depression and start living it, I usually drink my own frustration and try to keep going like nothing happens, but know I cannot handle it and part of me thinks that I have to let it go, show it but sometimes I can hurt people that I love. Some help?

Jump to this post

@jonasd When you combine the medications you are on, along with alcohol or other drugs, those medication cannot work the way they are supposed to. Drinking is a "temporary fix". No one said it is easy to ask for help and work on yourself. There are many reading this who will agree.

Write down what is frustrating you. Pick one thing to work on, maybe an easy one. When you see how you fix that, you will be happy to try another one to fix. You probably cannot do the whole list at once, I know! Making steps forward will help you feel better about yourself, also.

Your comment about hurting the people you love. How is it that you are hurting them?
Ginger

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It's difficult to keep in mind that a therapist is just a professional doing her/his job. It's easy to develop a feeling of closeness and trust which leaves you feeling betrayed if that person isn't available when you're feeling particularly bad. Support groups help to fill in the gaps at times like that. If you can exchange emails or phone numbers with even one person there, that gives you someone else to reach for during those times. Keep in mind that sunshine and exercise are both wonderful therapies for depression. If you combine the two and take a walk at mid day, you're really doing something wonderful to help yourself. Good luck.

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@gingerw

@jonasd When you combine the medications you are on, along with alcohol or other drugs, those medication cannot work the way they are supposed to. Drinking is a "temporary fix". No one said it is easy to ask for help and work on yourself. There are many reading this who will agree.

Write down what is frustrating you. Pick one thing to work on, maybe an easy one. When you see how you fix that, you will be happy to try another one to fix. You probably cannot do the whole list at once, I know! Making steps forward will help you feel better about yourself, also.

Your comment about hurting the people you love. How is it that you are hurting them?
Ginger

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I don't what I wrote, but I’m not in troubles with drugs or alcohol. What I try to say is that I also have another health issues. So I also have to take medicine for that. That for your advice, just reading these helps a lot.

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What do you think about quit the therapy sessions for a while, I feel that I cannot keep the rhythm

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@jonasd

What do you think about quit the therapy sessions for a while, I feel that I cannot keep the rhythm

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Hi Jona, I moved your latest message to the original discussion that you started. It sounds like you're not satisfied with the therapy you are currently receiving or that you may need additional or different support. Have you talked to your therapist about your feelings of dependency on her?

You also mentioned quitting therapy sessions for a while. Should you decide to do this, do you have an alternative plan for support? Perhaps group support through NAMI as suggested in precious messages above?

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