How should I respond to criticism?

Posted by aliali @aliali, Tue, Aug 13 7:36am

There are many ways to do so and they are available online. But what I wish to know is how should a depressed respond to destructive criticism internally? Yes here are three main things: depressed, destructive criticism & internally. I am depressed and facing many destructive criticism daily. If someone criticizes me, I can deal with him easliy. I can say for him that he is right and it is gone. But internally, the effect I carry when after days, how should I deal with it? Should I go thru the criticism to check whether it is true or not? If it is untrue I doubt it is true because the criticism has been made by someone else. If it is true, I become tense, stressed; add to that the cruel manner used to make the criticism, it made me feel worse about myself. Headaches, diziness, weak concentration, weak functioning, becoming drowsy… are all caused by the process of EXAMINING the criticism. So what to do?

@aliali Sometimes we receive constructive criticism. That is, someone has noticed something in our lifestyle, or daily actions, or diet, that is destructive and unhealthy. That person is letting you know out of love, that you are harming yourself. You may already be aware of what they are saying, but was hoping it was not visible to others. Then it is up to you to decide to make a change, or not. Long ago, a trusted person, whose opinion I valued, told me, "no one can make you feel bad without your consent". I have tried since then to dismiss my feelings of feeling "less than" when something really upsets me. Can you try this and let us know how it works for you?
Ginger

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I would not allow people to constantly criticize you. If you sense it is going to happen, walk away. Change rooms. Leave the house. Breathe backwards from ten, to get some control of yourself. Tell yourself it is not your problem. Do not allow people to be abusive towards you. Be a friend to yourself. Talk positively to yourself. Love yourself. Do not answer abusive behavior, and maybe it will stop. Get out, whenever you can. God bless. Don't deal with bullies. Lori Renee

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Hello @aliali It really is important that you seek some help from non-family members. You need to unlearn the former ways of relating to yourself and to others.

Do you read any affirmations daily that help you focus on loving yourself? If not, search some out and read them daily. You need to convince yourself of your worthiness.

Here is one website that I found with these types of affirmations. As you look on the internet you may find more.

https://www.self-help-and-self-development.com/self-love-affirmations.html

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@hopeful33250

Hello @aliali It really is important that you seek some help from non-family members. You need to unlearn the former ways of relating to yourself and to others.

Do you read any affirmations daily that help you focus on loving yourself? If not, search some out and read them daily. You need to convince yourself of your worthiness.

Here is one website that I found with these types of affirmations. As you look on the internet you may find more.

https://www.self-help-and-self-development.com/self-love-affirmations.html

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@hopeful33250 Great link! Thank you for sharing that.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@aliali Sometimes we receive constructive criticism. That is, someone has noticed something in our lifestyle, or daily actions, or diet, that is destructive and unhealthy. That person is letting you know out of love, that you are harming yourself. You may already be aware of what they are saying, but was hoping it was not visible to others. Then it is up to you to decide to make a change, or not. Long ago, a trusted person, whose opinion I valued, told me, "no one can make you feel bad without your consent". I have tried since then to dismiss my feelings of feeling "less than" when something really upsets me. Can you try this and let us know how it works for you?
Ginger

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In fact, @gingerw, this is a great defense mechanism. I have some problems. I am perfectionist. I also doubt that my perception is wrong and what people see is right! I am about to make an exhaustive list of event in which any of my family members has told me that I am stupid! If I ask them now one by one, they will tell me that I am genius. But in some cases they tend to see me as the sole source of problems in the world. Should I do such a list?

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@hopeful33250

Hello @aliali It really is important that you seek some help from non-family members. You need to unlearn the former ways of relating to yourself and to others.

Do you read any affirmations daily that help you focus on loving yourself? If not, search some out and read them daily. You need to convince yourself of your worthiness.

Here is one website that I found with these types of affirmations. As you look on the internet you may find more.

https://www.self-help-and-self-development.com/self-love-affirmations.html

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@hopeful33250 The method of affirmation is highly effective as of my experience. I will try to add it to my daily tasks

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@aliali

In fact, @gingerw, this is a great defense mechanism. I have some problems. I am perfectionist. I also doubt that my perception is wrong and what people see is right! I am about to make an exhaustive list of event in which any of my family members has told me that I am stupid! If I ask them now one by one, they will tell me that I am genius. But in some cases they tend to see me as the sole source of problems in the world. Should I do such a list?

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@aliali Like you, I am a perfectionist. But over the years I have learned to soften the edges somewhat, and not hold myself to such strict standards. It takes work. Often being a perfectionist may turn people away from you. If you are like me, I would correct people all the time, in their speech, grammar, tasks, etc. It drove people away from me. I am a much happier person and a happier person to be around, now that I worked on becoming softer.
As for the list – what do you hope to accomplish with this? Have you thought about how family member might react when you ask them about the list? What is the purpose of rehashing a negative [to you] event that occurred, as that might increase a family member's opinion of you being a source of problems? I hope you will consider these questions just posed. Will you do that?
Lastly, remember, sometimes when someone is criticizing you, it might be because they are reminded about something they do not like about themselves, and if they can make you feel poorly, it raises themselves up in their own eyes. I hope the wording was understandable.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@aliali Like you, I am a perfectionist. But over the years I have learned to soften the edges somewhat, and not hold myself to such strict standards. It takes work. Often being a perfectionist may turn people away from you. If you are like me, I would correct people all the time, in their speech, grammar, tasks, etc. It drove people away from me. I am a much happier person and a happier person to be around, now that I worked on becoming softer.
As for the list – what do you hope to accomplish with this? Have you thought about how family member might react when you ask them about the list? What is the purpose of rehashing a negative [to you] event that occurred, as that might increase a family member's opinion of you being a source of problems? I hope you will consider these questions just posed. Will you do that?
Lastly, remember, sometimes when someone is criticizing you, it might be because they are reminded about something they do not like about themselves, and if they can make you feel poorly, it raises themselves up in their own eyes. I hope the wording was understandable.
Ginger

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@gingerw My son is like this it drives me crazy. He will correct my grammar and if I put preposition at the end of a sentence it drives him wild

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Hello @aliali and all others in this discussion group,

Here is a video by Smart Recovery that might give you some good ideas to working with your thoughts,

https://www.smartrecovery.org/new-video-release-the-abcs-of-coping-with-urges/?

Will you share with me and let me know what about this video was helpful to you?

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@lioness

@gingerw My son is like this it drives me crazy. He will correct my grammar and if I put preposition at the end of a sentence it drives him wild

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@lioness I really am better than I used to be, about that. I try for an "internal cringe".
Ginger

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@hopeful33250

Hello @aliali and all others in this discussion group,

Here is a video by Smart Recovery that might give you some good ideas to working with your thoughts,

https://www.smartrecovery.org/new-video-release-the-abcs-of-coping-with-urges/?

Will you share with me and let me know what about this video was helpful to you?

Jump to this post

@hopeful33250 Thank you for that link. I found the video very interesting. It is not saying anything I haven't heard before, over years, but it bears repeating, and has been presented in a slightly different format. It seems like the right thing comes along when we need it.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@aliali Like you, I am a perfectionist. But over the years I have learned to soften the edges somewhat, and not hold myself to such strict standards. It takes work. Often being a perfectionist may turn people away from you. If you are like me, I would correct people all the time, in their speech, grammar, tasks, etc. It drove people away from me. I am a much happier person and a happier person to be around, now that I worked on becoming softer.
As for the list – what do you hope to accomplish with this? Have you thought about how family member might react when you ask them about the list? What is the purpose of rehashing a negative [to you] event that occurred, as that might increase a family member's opinion of you being a source of problems? I hope you will consider these questions just posed. Will you do that?
Lastly, remember, sometimes when someone is criticizing you, it might be because they are reminded about something they do not like about themselves, and if they can make you feel poorly, it raises themselves up in their own eyes. I hope the wording was understandable.
Ginger

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Hello @aliali, I feel that what @gingerw has said about the list is true. Your family has been unduly critical of you and I'm not sure that giving them another opportunity to criticize you would be at all helpful.

Instead, why don't you tell them of one of their positive characteristics and then ask them to tell you one of the positive characteristics that they see in your life? In other words, write affirmations for each other! This may not change their attitude overnight but in time, if you keep telling them something good about themselves and then ask them to tell you something good about yourself, it might eventually turn their critical attitudes toward something more positive.

It might be worth a try to just see how it works.

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@hopeful33250

Hello @aliali, I feel that what @gingerw has said about the list is true. Your family has been unduly critical of you and I'm not sure that giving them another opportunity to criticize you would be at all helpful.

Instead, why don't you tell them of one of their positive characteristics and then ask them to tell you one of the positive characteristics that they see in your life? In other words, write affirmations for each other! This may not change their attitude overnight but in time, if you keep telling them something good about themselves and then ask them to tell you something good about yourself, it might eventually turn their critical attitudes toward something more positive.

It might be worth a try to just see how it works.

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That sounds interesting.

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