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aliali (@aliali)

How should I respond to criticism?

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Aug 18, 2019 | Replies (13)

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In fact, @gingerw, this is a great defense mechanism. I have some problems. I am perfectionist. I also doubt that my perception is wrong and what people see is right! I am about to make an exhaustive list of event in which any of my family members has told me that I am stupid! If I ask them now one by one, they will tell me that I am genius. But in some cases they tend to see me as the sole source of problems in the world. Should I do such a list?

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Replies to "In fact, @gingerw, this is a great defense mechanism. I have some problems. I am perfectionist...."

@aliali Like you, I am a perfectionist. But over the years I have learned to soften the edges somewhat, and not hold myself to such strict standards. It takes work. Often being a perfectionist may turn people away from you. If you are like me, I would correct people all the time, in their speech, grammar, tasks, etc. It drove people away from me. I am a much happier person and a happier person to be around, now that I worked on becoming softer.
As for the list – what do you hope to accomplish with this? Have you thought about how family member might react when you ask them about the list? What is the purpose of rehashing a negative [to you] event that occurred, as that might increase a family member's opinion of you being a source of problems? I hope you will consider these questions just posed. Will you do that?
Lastly, remember, sometimes when someone is criticizing you, it might be because they are reminded about something they do not like about themselves, and if they can make you feel poorly, it raises themselves up in their own eyes. I hope the wording was understandable.