How do you deal with aging?

Posted by prcrowe @prcrowe, Jan 1 10:04pm

How do you emotionally handle aging and knowing that you only have a limited number of years left in your life? I'm turning 80 years old in 5 months, am in quite good health, work fulltime, and am incredibly grateful for the life I have. But, I find myself obsessed with the thought that I only have "x" amount of years left in my life. I've never figured out how to live one day at a time. Any suggestions from those of you around my age or older would be SO appreciated! (I'm "kind of" spiritual, but not really religious so that's not something that seems to help with my fear.)

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@magia

Until I reached 77, I felt I was 50. I couldn't understand people's problems who were 79, my age now.
In the last two years I've discovered I ache horribly when I get up in the morning, my gait is different so I can't walk as smoothly and I can't run for the life of me, I fall asleep while watching TV without being aware of it, I'm nervous driving on freeways, and my short term memory is bad.
Now I'm old. I say this because it's true, although my younger friends all protest, "you're not old!" What am I, then? Young? Middle-aged? Elderly? Hah! They think "old" is a bad word because they haven't gotten here yet.

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You are very lucky you felt 50 until you were 77 years old! I'm only 63 and already have slowed down quite a bit....I also have a groin strain that acts up periodically and that makes it painful to walk on that leg...UGH....because I was a very active person. ..long walks daily as well as hiking and biking....so far growing old is No Fun...just be thankful for my good health and loving husband and sisters...

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@beleza

What happened, Magia? Was it a gradual change or was it more traumatic? I think the pandemic and all its repercussions set us all back and I don’t mean long Covid but the social implications and the overburdened
health care system. I speak from a Canadian perspective where our “free” health care has become very costly and overburdened with wait times and “burned out” health professionals who soldier on, bless their hearts!

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I was born and raised in Canada, Winnipeg, to be specific. I came to California in 1958. You talk about the "free" health care in not very nice terms. Do you really think it is better here? Try getting an appointment with a doctor. It can take months. Two years ago I had to have a full hip replacement. It took me four months to get on the surgeon's schedule. And what about the care after the surgery? I was shipped off to what can only be called a hell hole. I am now 89 years old, so I was "only" 87 then. But I lived through it. I am doing well now. I do not have anything major wrong with me. Best of all I still have full use of my brain and am able to live independently. I can also drive. And if necessary I can and do drive the freeways. I just don't feel my age. So much of feeling old is actually how your body feels. I am very sorry for the folks who have all these ailments. I can see why they feel old. I realize how fortunate I am. I am able still to do pretty much what I want to and in fact have a cruise coming up in the summer. I attribute much of my good health to the fact that I was a race walker for many years and continued to walk when I turned 70. The only reason I stopped was because of my hip. No smoking and very little drinking also helped. I have tried to eat a healthy diet as well. All these things add up and so here I am at 89 with possibly quite a few years left.

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@thisismarilynb

I was born and raised in Canada, Winnipeg, to be specific. I came to California in 1958. You talk about the "free" health care in not very nice terms. Do you really think it is better here? Try getting an appointment with a doctor. It can take months. Two years ago I had to have a full hip replacement. It took me four months to get on the surgeon's schedule. And what about the care after the surgery? I was shipped off to what can only be called a hell hole. I am now 89 years old, so I was "only" 87 then. But I lived through it. I am doing well now. I do not have anything major wrong with me. Best of all I still have full use of my brain and am able to live independently. I can also drive. And if necessary I can and do drive the freeways. I just don't feel my age. So much of feeling old is actually how your body feels. I am very sorry for the folks who have all these ailments. I can see why they feel old. I realize how fortunate I am. I am able still to do pretty much what I want to and in fact have a cruise coming up in the summer. I attribute much of my good health to the fact that I was a race walker for many years and continued to walk when I turned 70. The only reason I stopped was because of my hip. No smoking and very little drinking also helped. I have tried to eat a healthy diet as well. All these things add up and so here I am at 89 with possibly quite a few years left.

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You go, girl! BTW I believe that the American way of "health care" is great as long as you're healthy and have great insurance plus cash to cover the rest... not so much when you're broke or have an actual problem and need an appointment within the next six months. Also, with long Covid, no doctor I've seen so far has helped at all.. just "more testing is needed." Someone in this forum said "We are our own doctors..." and I believe this is largely true. I live in a major metro area in the US with "access" to "good" health care, when I can crowbar my way in. Love the positive attitudes that this forum is full of; you all are inspiring. (Gratitude!)

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@janeaddams

You go, girl! BTW I believe that the American way of "health care" is great as long as you're healthy and have great insurance plus cash to cover the rest... not so much when you're broke or have an actual problem and need an appointment within the next six months. Also, with long Covid, no doctor I've seen so far has helped at all.. just "more testing is needed." Someone in this forum said "We are our own doctors..." and I believe this is largely true. I live in a major metro area in the US with "access" to "good" health care, when I can crowbar my way in. Love the positive attitudes that this forum is full of; you all are inspiring. (Gratitude!)

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I agree that this forum is awesome! I'll share that when my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2017, because we'd chosen a REALLY good supplemental insurance to go along with his MediCare, his treatments at Stanford Medical Center in Palo Alto, CA. came to a half million dollars and we didn't owe one cent out of pocket. Our only expense was our 1 1/2 long lodging. The same thing happened when I was hospitalized and had 2 medical procedures for a tumor in my liver -- no out of pocket expenses. The one advantage to getting older is excellent insurance options -- expensive but definitely worth it if one ends up with something serious.

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@janeaddams

You go, girl! BTW I believe that the American way of "health care" is great as long as you're healthy and have great insurance plus cash to cover the rest... not so much when you're broke or have an actual problem and need an appointment within the next six months. Also, with long Covid, no doctor I've seen so far has helped at all.. just "more testing is needed." Someone in this forum said "We are our own doctors..." and I believe this is largely true. I live in a major metro area in the US with "access" to "good" health care, when I can crowbar my way in. Love the positive attitudes that this forum is full of; you all are inspiring. (Gratitude!)

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Thank you. You really hit the nail on the head.

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@prcrowe

I agree that this forum is awesome! I'll share that when my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2017, because we'd chosen a REALLY good supplemental insurance to go along with his MediCare, his treatments at Stanford Medical Center in Palo Alto, CA. came to a half million dollars and we didn't owe one cent out of pocket. Our only expense was our 1 1/2 long lodging. The same thing happened when I was hospitalized and had 2 medical procedures for a tumor in my liver -- no out of pocket expenses. The one advantage to getting older is excellent insurance options -- expensive but definitely worth it if one ends up with something serious.

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Sounds like you have Original/traditional Medicare and a Medigap plan to cover the 20% Medicare does not pay. Me too, I have Original Medicare (Parts A and B) and I am so glad I do. I have had two surgeries, a stent and many PET and CT scans in the last two years and I have never seen a bill. And I had no problem self-referring myself to Mayo Clinic.
We have been discussing Original Medicare vs. Medicare Advantage plans in another thread on Connect, warning people about shortcomings of Medicare Advantage. It may sound cheaper, but if you have health issues you easily arrive at Medicare Advantage max out of pocket expense. My Medigap plan costs me much less than I would be paying with Advantage now and I go to whatever doctor I choose when I choose.

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@vic83

Sounds like you have Original/traditional Medicare and a Medigap plan to cover the 20% Medicare does not pay. Me too, I have Original Medicare (Parts A and B) and I am so glad I do. I have had two surgeries, a stent and many PET and CT scans in the last two years and I have never seen a bill. And I had no problem self-referring myself to Mayo Clinic.
We have been discussing Original Medicare vs. Medicare Advantage plans in another thread on Connect, warning people about shortcomings of Medicare Advantage. It may sound cheaper, but if you have health issues you easily arrive at Medicare Advantage max out of pocket expense. My Medigap plan costs me much less than I would be paying with Advantage now and I go to whatever doctor I choose when I choose.

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Wow, you sound incredibly well informed about all the Medicare plans and obviously have the perfect plans for yourself. To be perfectly candid, after a dreadful experience my husband's parents had with health insurance, we decided to use an insurance agent who would fully understand all the complex details of every single plan. Each year we complete a health form and then rely on him to tell us which supplement we should enroll in for the upcoming year. We also have been extremely fortunate not to have had out of pocket expenses. I think it's unfortunate, though, that the system has to be SO complex.

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During my work life, we said that "Knowledge is power". And Medicare insurance plans are an example!!!
Reading up on things is how to stay informed.
In your situation I would recommend that you be careful how you change plans each year. And do not sign up for a Medicare Advantage plan. Here is why:
1) With original Medicare (Parts A and B) you can self-refer to any doctor in the US who takes Medicare. THAT IS KEY. Your Medigap plan should do the same! So, you never have to worry about your doctor not being in the plan.
The different Medigap plans vary in benefits and premium prices. To be able to compare them Medicare assigns a letter to each plan based on benefits it offers. Below is a link to a table on medicare.gov which compares each letter type of Original Medicare Medigap plan. When you choose between plans, they should have the same letter to compare "apples to apples".
2) Medicare Advantage plans MAKE you go to their network of doctors (they pay them less), and they easily may lack the expertise you need. And you need approval for tests and procedures. Many places are dropping them. Mayo Clinic does not take Advantage. Mayo Oncology warns people to check with their insurance to see if their cancer treatment is covered! Mayo brochure also states that people with Original Medicare (Parts A, B) do not need to check!
3) When one originally signs up for Original Medicare, all Medigap plans have to take you no matter your health. But after, they are not obligated to take you, and pricing may be higher. So, someone signing up for Advantage, and then later wanting to go back to Original Medicare, may find difficulty in finding a Medigap plan.
If you are only switching between Medigap plans and always keeping Original Medicare, I do not know if there would be a difficulty for you and if price is higher than if you had stayed with just one Medigap plan.
https://www.medicare.gov/health-drug-plans/medigap/basics/compare-plan-benefits

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@vic83

During my work life, we said that "Knowledge is power". And Medicare insurance plans are an example!!!
Reading up on things is how to stay informed.
In your situation I would recommend that you be careful how you change plans each year. And do not sign up for a Medicare Advantage plan. Here is why:
1) With original Medicare (Parts A and B) you can self-refer to any doctor in the US who takes Medicare. THAT IS KEY. Your Medigap plan should do the same! So, you never have to worry about your doctor not being in the plan.
The different Medigap plans vary in benefits and premium prices. To be able to compare them Medicare assigns a letter to each plan based on benefits it offers. Below is a link to a table on medicare.gov which compares each letter type of Original Medicare Medigap plan. When you choose between plans, they should have the same letter to compare "apples to apples".
2) Medicare Advantage plans MAKE you go to their network of doctors (they pay them less), and they easily may lack the expertise you need. And you need approval for tests and procedures. Many places are dropping them. Mayo Clinic does not take Advantage. Mayo Oncology warns people to check with their insurance to see if their cancer treatment is covered! Mayo brochure also states that people with Original Medicare (Parts A, B) do not need to check!
3) When one originally signs up for Original Medicare, all Medigap plans have to take you no matter your health. But after, they are not obligated to take you, and pricing may be higher. So, someone signing up for Advantage, and then later wanting to go back to Original Medicare, may find difficulty in finding a Medigap plan.
If you are only switching between Medigap plans and always keeping Original Medicare, I do not know if there would be a difficulty for you and if price is higher than if you had stayed with just one Medigap plan.
https://www.medicare.gov/health-drug-plans/medigap/basics/compare-plan-benefits

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Vic, valuable info for everyone over 65. Having experience in "benefits administration" I also learned this stuff; so we chose Original Medicare and the AARP recommended UnitedHealthCare supplement and have had nothing but good experiences. Also, at the time we weren't taking any drugs so thought maybe we didn't need Medicare D, but were advised by an RN that if we were diagnosed with an illness requiring an expensive drug, we might find ourself without decent (or any) coverage for it, so got D. Through two bouts of cancer and a hip replacement and more, have never received a bill. Medicare Advantage is being pushed hard right now by some folks who stand to gain $ from your decision. People need to be forewarned as this decision has long-term expensive implications.

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@janeaddams

Vic, valuable info for everyone over 65. Having experience in "benefits administration" I also learned this stuff; so we chose Original Medicare and the AARP recommended UnitedHealthCare supplement and have had nothing but good experiences. Also, at the time we weren't taking any drugs so thought maybe we didn't need Medicare D, but were advised by an RN that if we were diagnosed with an illness requiring an expensive drug, we might find ourself without decent (or any) coverage for it, so got D. Through two bouts of cancer and a hip replacement and more, have never received a bill. Medicare Advantage is being pushed hard right now by some folks who stand to gain $ from your decision. People need to be forewarned as this decision has long-term expensive implications.

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Agreed. And if one does not sign up immediately there may be an additional cost after.
My Medigap policy is an "F' designation, not offered anymore, and I have no intention of changing it.
But for Part D (drug) coverage, I check every year on the Medicare site - there is a good tool to compare costs between different drug plans. Every year one should use the Medicare tool to compare pricing on drug plans. One year I was distracted and ended up paying $900 more than I would have with another plan - all because that plan had Tier 1, 2 drugs subject to deductible before lower pricing. All the other plans did not do that! I had to pay full retail until I reached a deductible of $480. So people with original Medicare and a Medigap plan, that can stay the same, but you do need to check Part D coverage each year. But it is easy to do and easy to switch Part D plans. You input the drugs and it tells you how much each plan will cost you for the year. All these insurance plans do not give one choice but confusion. We all need good coverage at reasonable cost, and not a whole bunch of plans we have to spend time figuring out.

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