How about a laugh, (hopefully)

You sweet thang… 😘

@artist01
You get an E for effort.
By the way I'd unplug Alexia!
Jake

@jakedduck1 . Aw gee, Jake, thanks! 😊 And I'm not going to unplug my pal, Alexa. Most of her jokes are corny so I don't want to torture everybody, but the dragon joke made me giggle! X0 Laurie

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him.

“How bad is it?” the doctor asks.

“I have no idea.” the husband says.

“Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something.

If she doesn’t hear you, get closer and say the same thing.

Keep moving closer and closer and repeating the comment until she does hear you.

That way we'll have an idea of her range of hearing loss.”

So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen chopping up vegetables for dinner.

From 20 feet away: “What are we having for dinner?”

No answer.

From 10 feet: Same thing.

From 5 feet: Same thing.

Finally, he's standing right behind her:

“What’s for dinner?”

She turns around, looks at him and says:

“For the FOURTH time, BEEF STEW!”

A man just bought a new Ferrari and he decides to take
it out for a spin. As he's driving, he starts speeding
down the road that he's driving. He suddenly notices a
police car is behind him with his lights flashing and
siren wailing. The man floors he gas petal and takes off.
A few moments in the speedy chase the man thinks,
"What the hell am I doing? This isn't worth going to jail!"
He pulls over and the cop approaches the car.
"Listen, we both know that you were speeding. My shift
is over in 5 minutes and if I write you a ticket, there's
going to be paperwork that I don't want to do. If you can give me one good reason as to why you're
speeding, I'll let you go."
The man thinks for a moment and says, "Well officer, just
recently my wife decided to run off with a police officer
and when you were chasing me, I thought you were bringing her back!"

I've heard some people are really going crazy from
isolation. I'm glad I'm not one of those.
I've just been talking about this with the microwave
and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us
agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as
she puts a different spin on everything.
Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold
and distant.
The sink just said everything is going down the drain.
In the end the iron calmed me down as she said
everything will be fine, the situation isn't that pressing.
The vacuum was very unsympathetic. Told me
to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and felt it would all soon blow over!
The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion
and it didn't say anything, but the door knob told me
to get a grip.
The front door said I was unhinged and then.
The curtains told me to pull myself together!

l guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she ex-pected to earn. She said, "Well. the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week. I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her
head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."

Okay ladies don't get your tails in a knot.

A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offersto sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it The stranger Says, "Howabout 20?" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it stranger says, how about 10?" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it, the stranger says, the stranger says, “Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they’re not worth it?”
The Egyptian man says, “Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn’t.”

Two hillbillies walk into a
restaurant.
While having a bite to eat, they
talk about their moonshine
operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby
table, who is eating a sandwich,
begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes
apparent that she is in real distress
One of the hillbillies looks at her
and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the
woman, lifts up her dress, yanks
down her drawers and quickly
gives her right butt cheek a lick
with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that
she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she beqins to breathe again,
the Hillbilly walks slowly back to
his table.
His partner says,
'Ya know, I'd
heerd of that there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed
nobody do it.

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy,"the little girl asks, "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady
her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite." "OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really,"the mother Says, "Those are
personal questions and are really none of your business. Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you
and Daddy get a divorce?" "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "All you need to do
is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32.” The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?" "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that
out?" "And,'
" the little girl says triumphantly, "I also know why you and daddy got a divorce.“ "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an "F" in sex."