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Holiday Feelings: Are They Merry or Stressful?

Posted by @hopeful33250, Dec 18, 2018

We are in the middle of a holiday season marked by twinkling lights, music, movies and sentiments that are supposed to bring joy and cheer. What if you don’t feel those sentiments right now? Is that OK?

Perhaps you have experienced difficulties, maybe health problems, loss of a job, or loss of a loved one. Maybe it is not possible to work-up the holiday cheer that everyone else experiences.

What do we do with the holidays if we are not feeling cheerful and upbeat?

Let's share together what you are doing with your less-than-merry holiday feelings.

REPLY

No I will go to my moms sometime since I was diagnosed with the rarest blood disorder and one sister doesn't act like she nod me and the other wanted to control everything they wanted to make me look like I couldn't care for. Myself. Tell my Dr seen .I forgave them and me and my mom is like oil and water and if I'm not handing money to my daughter and her low life boyfriend that never worked to put diapers on my grandchildren she keeps me from seeing them they have no idea about the Nash in my liver.

Tough year here. I have dysthymia, and it comes in peaks and valleys. Medication helps, but the holidays bring back good memories, and make current reality all the more painful. I am an only child with no children. My wife and I have great nephews and nieces on her side. She is not finding joy this holiday, and I suggest we are getting the Christmas upon which we agreed. No gifts to each other, since we don’t need anything. The nieces and nephews are getting cash. No decor in this house for many years. Next year will not be like this. I refuse to be in this conundrum again. I am so down, and I don’t care if I live until next year. One day at a time…

@elwooodsdad

Tough year here. I have dysthymia, and it comes in peaks and valleys. Medication helps, but the holidays bring back good memories, and make current reality all the more painful. I am an only child with no children. My wife and I have great nephews and nieces on her side. She is not finding joy this holiday, and I suggest we are getting the Christmas upon which we agreed. No gifts to each other, since we don’t need anything. The nieces and nephews are getting cash. No decor in this house for many years. Next year will not be like this. I refuse to be in this conundrum again. I am so down, and I don’t care if I live until next year. One day at a time…

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@elwooodsdad
It sounds as if this is an exceptionally emotional Christmas for you. I am so sorry that you feel so down. Often the compounding of health problems get us down and not feeling the Christmas spirit makes it all seem much worse.

Is there anything at all that you can do to lift your spirits? Are you able to walk, journal about your feelings, talk with someone over coffee, listen to your favorite music, read a good book?

@sharonryanbless

No I will go to my moms sometime since I was diagnosed with the rarest blood disorder and one sister doesn't act like she nod me and the other wanted to control everything they wanted to make me look like I couldn't care for. Myself. Tell my Dr seen .I forgave them and me and my mom is like oil and water and if I'm not handing money to my daughter and her low life boyfriend that never worked to put diapers on my grandchildren she keeps me from seeing them they have no idea about the Nash in my liver.

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@sharonryanbless Welcome to Mayo Connect. I am so sorry that you are having family problems on top of a rare blood disorder. Are you on medication for it? Perhaps, if you can, you could see a counselor during the holidays to help you get some of your anger out?

@elwooodsdad

Tough year here. I have dysthymia, and it comes in peaks and valleys. Medication helps, but the holidays bring back good memories, and make current reality all the more painful. I am an only child with no children. My wife and I have great nephews and nieces on her side. She is not finding joy this holiday, and I suggest we are getting the Christmas upon which we agreed. No gifts to each other, since we don’t need anything. The nieces and nephews are getting cash. No decor in this house for many years. Next year will not be like this. I refuse to be in this conundrum again. I am so down, and I don’t care if I live until next year. One day at a time…

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@elwooodsdad Is there something else you can do instead of Christmas? I know it seems that everyone is happy and celebrating and if you don't feel it, you might feel left out. I certainly have had those feelings myself thinking about how wonderful it must be and why can't my family be like that perfect family with a magical holiday? When family members don't get along, I feel sad wishing that it could be different. I feel the loss and really wish there could be closeness among my siblings, but I can't change it. I've learned not to set high expectations, and to look for enjoyment elsewhere. That is what I can do. I can redefine what I want Christmas to mean to me. I know also at this time of year with the gloomy overcast days and short sunlight hours, if affects our spirits. That is seasonal effective disorder when the lack of sunlight causes people to feel down. To remedy that, you can use some full spectrum lights that simulate sunlight and get some exposure to that daily. Maybe it's time to start a new tradition in whatever way that would be meaningful to you. Let go of the expectations. Live in the moment and find joy in simple pleasures. I have no children, but I have experienced joyful children by volunteering at a museum and helping direct crafts for kids. I've also given presentations about local history for kids through the museum, and one of the most rewarding things for me was when a school group sang a song for me to thank me for my presentation. That was a very creative teacher who did that and they came to the museum prepared ahead of time to sing. It was a surprise, and I wish I could play that over and over. I was teaching about local Native American history, and the kids had each taken an Indian name and made costumes for who they wanted to be in learning about the culture, and then as a group, sang the song. That touched me, and I hope a story like this might help you find some possibilities and hope.

@suerc

I am very stressed this holiday season . For. 1 I broke my back in July, we have hard a gentleman working on our master bathroom as the floor was rotted. He has taken 4 mo to do this he is so slow. Almost done though. I haven't been able to lay down an rest in my room since August. He has had a wet saw in my bedroom to cut tile for 1 week now .he covered the bed. But everything else has 1 inch of dust on it. I have to crawl into bed. Because there is no space. He has taken up my whole garage with his tools and junk. It's suppose to snow next week and we can't get the snowblower out. Can't. Get Cars in garage. On top of this I have to finish X-Men ma's shopping. No cookies for us this yeas. And my husband and I fight about this every night. Help

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@suerc I agree with Merry, no contractor should be doing this. He needs to be responsible to clean up his mess and right away, and you should not be trying to sleep in a room covered in construction dust. The dust might also have collected in the air ducts in your home which would then need cleaning. That is just bad for your health, and recovering from an injury is hard enough without a problem like this. This job should have been completed in a few weeks, not months, and he should have done his cutting outside of your home. If your contractor doesn't clean up his mess, you'll end up hiring someone for that too. Will your husband help clean up this mess? Is there a local church you can reach out to for help? Church groups sometimes do home repair projects for people in need and that might be a source of help. You could call a pastor or church leader and talk to them. If you reach out to a church, perhaps your husband would also get onboard. Are there neighbors who might help with the snow until the garage is usable again? Sometimes asking for help is the last thing we want to do, but it's OK. It seems much easier to want to help someone else in a situation like this than when it is our situation. If you need help beyond this, you might ask your doctor to recommend what you need. if no one is listening, that might support your cause, Try not to put extra pressure on yourself. Put your needs first as you are in recovery. I had a recovery from spine surgery and a month after that surgery I was at my mom's house for Christmas and I had to ask people to pitch in and help. I had to actually say "no" and that I can't do everything because I didn't have the strength and was still in pain with lifting restrictions and wearing a neck brace.

I can suggest you might want to get some good quality disposable doctor's masks to protect your lungs from the dust. I bought them online from Walmart … 3M Earloop Procedure Face Masks, Blue, 50/bx 3M Model: 1820. The masks have >99% Bacterial Filtration Efficiency (BFE){1} and >95% 0.1 micron filtration efficiency which is comparable to HEPA filters. I bought these masks to help with my allergies/asthma and I sleep in them. With the ear loops rather than masks that tie, they are more comfortable. I also wear these when I'm exposed to things outside and they do help and are easy to carry in my pocket.

I decided to can some beets ,I still do some at times and I'm grateful I heard them all seal

@lioness

@2011panc Just be true to yourself. My husband died on Dec 22so I cant wait for Dec to be over but I know how its important for other people so I dont do anything on Christmas. My niece in Ga is a ballerina and was lead in the nutcracker so I will watch the dvd of her.

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I am so sorry for you

@suerc

I am so sorry for you

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@suerc Its 17 yrs but for some reason its effecting me this year.?Thanks suerc

@lioness

I decided to can some beets ,I still do some at times and I'm grateful I heard them all seal

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@lioness The sound of a successful day!! Do love that “pop”!

@lioness

@2011panc Just be true to yourself. My husband died on Dec 22so I cant wait for Dec to be over but I know how its important for other people so I dont do anything on Christmas. My niece in Ga is a ballerina and was lead in the nutcracker so I will watch the dvd of her.

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@lioness – thinking of you today. I know it must be a difficult day – these anniversaries of loss are always hard. Hope you are having some bright moments and connections to make it better. Sending hugs.

@lioness

@suerc Its 17 yrs but for some reason its effecting me this year.?Thanks suerc

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@lioness I echo what @debbraw said. Be gentle on yourself, and know we are here for you.
Ginger

@parus

@lioness The sound of a successful day!! Do love that “pop”!

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@parus yep me too a successful day is right

@debbraw

@lioness – thinking of you today. I know it must be a difficult day – these anniversaries of loss are always hard. Hope you are having some bright moments and connections to make it better. Sending hugs.

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@debbraw I heard the pop so this was good made me happy Thanks Debbra I am glad to have friends on here ,you to Ginger,parus,jenniferhunter,theresa and others who have been gracious and caring.

@hopeful33250

@elwooodsdad
It sounds as if this is an exceptionally emotional Christmas for you. I am so sorry that you feel so down. Often the compounding of health problems get us down and not feeling the Christmas spirit makes it all seem much worse.

Is there anything at all that you can do to lift your spirits? Are you able to walk, journal about your feelings, talk with someone over coffee, listen to your favorite music, read a good book?

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Reading a book by Richard Rohr gifted to me by a good friend. Bought a journal as part of my New Years program. Will look at medication in January as well. Trintillix is new for me, and doesn’t seem to do as much as the price would lead one to believe. This will pass. I appreciate your concern and kind thoughts.

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