~ Just about done with everything ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Sep 11, 2017

Hi all ... first I want to apologize for this note. I know you all must get tired of hearing it and I don't blame you. I'm just about done with everything ..... I like my apartment, but the kids upstairs are so loud, screeching, running, banging furniture around, and it sounds like they drop bowling balls on the floor (I'm sure they're not, but they're something heavy), and it goes on til 11. They're so loud in the living room my sliding glass door rattles. I've had 3 kids and I know kids are noisy, but this is way beyond noise. The policeman living aside of them went over one night and gave them "what for" and for a few days it was quiet. Last week I had to write a note to the Mgr. but never heard back. I don't think they're going to do a darn thing about it. I have absolutely no energy or interest in unpacking all these boxes ... they make me sick to see them. My family is bickering about "an I-phone or GPS for Mom." Geez, you'd think I didn't have a brain. I should have never, ever, moved. Yes, I love being with my girls, but they have their lives and are busy and I can't expect them to entertain me ..... Lord knows, I don't want to be entertained. If my condo weren't sold, I'd go back. I close my eyes and daydream about sitting in my living room up there, feeling safe, cozy, and happy. And ..... these da_n teeth are a pain. I've read about them and it takes quite awhile to get used to them .... I'll say .... right now it feels like a mouth full of rocks. As soon as I'm home out they come. I should just go away and hide and become the "shrunken face lady" in the mountains. I thought I was through all the crap when my divorce went through .... guess not.
abby

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Barb | @amberpep | Oct 19, 2018

Hi all .... I hope it's OK to tack this onto the old one from, I think 2016. Nothing much has changed. I still have not totally unpacked and I think it's because I really don't want to live here. Otherwise, why would I let boxes and boxes sit in the 2 extra guest room? It was a huge mistake to move here ..... I should have listened to my instincts, and stayed in MD where I had my "nest." The only positive is that my 2 adult girls are down here and I see each of them about once a week. I do love being with them. Otherwise, I really dislike it here. Guess you have to be raised in the area to really like it. My SIL wants me to get a gun for protection. He said, "Mom, I'll go with you to get one that is workable for you, and I'll go with you to take the classes." No. I was shocked when I found out everyone in my family, including my 2 girls (I knew my son did - he works in D.C.) has a gun. SHOCK!
I am trying to find a new Psychiatrist down here for medication management. I have a therapist in MD whom I see once or twice a month (been seeing him for 15 years), and then the Psych. I had up there moved and left his job. Down here it's really strange .... I saw one down here a few weeks ago .... he seemed like a good guy, but before I can go to him, even for med. management, I have to go through a series of 2 different classes led by LSW's. They're each 4 weeks - 3 days a week. After 15 years of intensive therapy, I really don't want to have to do that ..... I'm not saying I'm "well" .... but I sure am not in the place I was when I started therapy. I'm 73, made it through a divorce after a 40 year marriage, a move down here, and then another move closer to my girls (and cheaper). It's been rough for an ole' lady. And, to top it off, my X only lives 15 miles away from here ..... holy cow! What next!? Today I'm just angry, like a simmering pot .... at what? I guess just everything .... that I moved down here, that my X is that close, that I feel like I'm just waiting but for who knows what? I want to find a part time job, but that requires me to exert energy to actually move! I'd rather just stay home and isolate. I did get involved in a church so that's a plus at least. I did something my girls thing was rather "wild" last week ..... well, I got a piercing on the side of my nose! And my hair is highlighted with a purple and blue stripe in it ..... love it, and these are all things I couldn't do when I was married. I believe he thinks I've gone off the deep end ..... maybe I have ...... who knows?
abby