Help! Need to find another place. His LBD and aggression are too much.

Posted by maryvc @maryvc, Aug 19 7:27am

Well, I am moving in to the independent living apartment and my husband has been asked to leave the memory care. He has become more aggressive and even violent and I have to find another place for him fast. He has been in the psychiatric unit three times. It is devastating for him and for me it’s been very hard. My husband has Lewy body dementia, and that is making this all very difficult. his medicines have never been right, but finding the right psychiatrist to manage him is also difficult today. I am touring two places that say they can handle him. I want to be very very clear about the training of the staff whether they use agency and how they take care of someone with aggressive behavior before it gets violent and they have to send him out to a psychiatric unit. Has anyone else out there had this experience and how did you find placement for your spouse with Lewy Body dementia?

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Traci | @tracidw | Aug 22 12:59pm

So sorry! Meds would help my mom then after a few months, she'd get violent again and hit another resident. Hospice keeps working with her. She just started another phase of agitation, but it's so up and down. By the time I catch up, she's into a different phase. Just wanted you to know you have many people with you in spirit.

centre | @centre | Aug 22 2:56pm

In reply to @maryvc "@nelms My husband’s three admissions to psychiatric units were no help in determining meds. Each time..." + (show)

@maryvc is your husband a veteran? Most states have veterans nursing homes and in my experience, they are very caring and a lot more willing to work with you and work with the difficult resident. There are a lot more men on staff to handle aggressive people and the staff I’ve met consider it a career, the turn-over is less. Your county Area Agency on Aging can help you contact the local Veteran’s Affairs office, they know a lot and will help with the application process.
Has your facility’s Social Service Dept. met with you? Are they offering help and ideas for options? They are prohibited from patient “abandonment”, but if they find a place that will take him, wherever it is in your state, they can force his discharge. Applying pressure to you is their easiest path, but they can’t put him out on the sidewalk, there must be a properly licensed discharge location who is accepting the transfer.
The thought of him possibly being hours away will be horribly difficult, but it may come to that. An idea- perhaps you could hire a certified geriatric case manager in that area who would visit weekly, keep an eye on things, talk to the nursing staff and report back to you, buy things he needs or would like, attend the case management meetings, be an advocate for your concerns, set up FaceTime visits with you and him. Another way to find people who do that is to call church offices (extra points if it’s your denomination) where he ends up and ask if they would give your name and number to any retired nurses who might like to be hired for 1-2 hr visit/week. I go to FL in the winter to visit my son and his family, I found a retired CNA who comes weekly and does those above things and calls me after the visits. The facility Social Service Dept. might be helpful too.
Good Luck, hang in there, we’re all rooting for you both.