Help for dealing with personality disorder in family member
Just wondering if Mayo offers counseling on how to cope with a very close, much loved family member that wreaks havoc on me.
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I was diagnosed with a Personality Disorder a long time ago and I was treated with DBT(Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy! I'm now in full remission from both Personality Disorder and Depression! I have an amazing Therapist, attend support groups including Acceptance Commitment Therapy! I fully understand your situation and my family members also still have a difficult time dealing with myself; however my current situation is different because I experienced a Major Stroke!
I do remember my family and friends supporting my Disorder and Disability, in that they also participated in helping me see how my behavior affected our relationships! I therefore chose to find help and support, which included medication for Depression, Anxiety, and my Mood Disorder!
I hope my suggestions help and support both you and your loved one through this situation!
dazlin, look me up @godsgiver
@godsgiver …yes, I remember your post about your situation, and I had responded. Hope your coping better. Different situation for me…I'm not a caregiver, nor is this person in need of one. This is a young, healthy person that surely can use counseling, but you cant help someone that doesn't want help. I walk on eggshells and carefully choose my words, as I never know what sets the trigger. I dont exactly dance to their tune either, but use my best wisdom, which I need help with. I choose to stay involved in their life, as I know they truly need my unconditional love. I believe in due time God will heal.
It is so hard to try and understand a troubled loved one's thoughts–may God answer your prayer! Still praying for you and your situation. Hang in there, dazlin!
I am dealing with the same thing with my daughter. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I will be looking into these groups as well. So very hard. The only I have found on this journey so far is validating her feelings. I just say that I understand whatever it is she said to me and repeat it back to her. That's as far as I've gotten. Yet the person you are talking about sounds exactly like my daughter. Poor decisions with bad consequences which she continues to repeat over and over again. She rages for hours and can equally cry just as long. I never know what I'm waking up to each day. It blows my mind. I also seem to be the target but I think, I can totally be off base here, I'm the one that's always there for her and sometimes I feel like she is trying to separate from me. Like their is a strong dependency on me. I also think I'm the rule maker in the home and I don't sway from certain things I believe in. I still have to be her mother and watch out for her safety. So difficult though. She's flipped her car, another time hit a sign. She has tremendous guilt over everything, no sense of identity, no self confidence. Threatens to kill herself, which I believe is a real possibility which scares me the most. It's so heartbreaking and sad to me. She was with a therapist and psychiatrist but now have her in a program which offers DBT skills. I feel for you. So very, very hard.
@dazlin Hi. I forgot to mention that the 12 week class at NAMI is called 'Family to Family'. It is both an educational course as well as a support group. Borderline Personality Disorder is a form of mental illness and can run hand in hand with other mental disorders that may not be apparent to you. It is worth the time to attend.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. My daughter is BiPolar and it has taken about 20 years for her to finally get meds adjusted so she is able to function on a daily basis. She gave up her drivers license about 15 years ago, and is now able to live in her own home, and is getting along pretty well. Be sure your daughter continues with the psychiatrist and therapist. Ann is still visiting with them about every 3 months and probably will for the rest of her life.
I would take the suicide threat very seriously and be sure to contact her therapist and workers about it. They may be able to help you. I also lost a daughter to suicide about 40 years ago from postpartum depression. That is another long story. My prayers are with you.
My sister was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 42 years ago. She had always been troubled, even as a 3 yr old. She had such bad temper tantrums that the doctor told my mom to throw a cup of cold water in her face to make her stop. I'm sure that didn't help her, but seemed to work when she was little. As we got to our teen years, she became worse. As an adult she was impossible to deal with. I had to call the police to come and help my parents as she was hitting them while they were in bed. As I was calling, she grabbed me and picked me up by the collar of my shirt and yelled at me. I was shocked at her strength! She then tore the door off a bedroom. I was afraid of her after that.
Many of our family gatherings were ruined by her tantrums and yelling. When her son was 3 years old she called and told me to come and pick him up because he was the devil and she was going to kill him. I went to her apartment and picked him up. He lived with me for about 8 months and then she showed up one day and took him. I moved to California shortly after.
Eventually she followed me to California with her son and her new husband. There were several incidents there before she finally ran away and left her 15 year old son to fend for himself. My husband and I took him in and helped him until he graduated from high school. Unfortunately, he's a mentally ill person who is back living with his mom. He's 44 years old now.
My husband and I have no contact with my sister or my nephew now, and haven't for about 25 years now. She won't get help for her illness and she's too unpredictable to have in my life. I decided that my sister, who I loved, has "died," and there is another person living in her body. It's very sad, but it was the only way I could protect myself and my family from her toxic personality and violent behavior.
I'm sorry to say, I don't have any real advice for you, except to get counseling for yourself and other family members. Also watch out for violent outbursts and threats, and don't forget to call for help if you need it. I hope you can handle the person in your life who has this problem. I think they look for a "rescuer" who will help them, but "kick you" when you do; they can't seem to help themselves to keep from doing that. I'm hoping the best for you and your family or friend who suffers from this disorder.
Your journey and that of your family must have been a difficult one. One of the most important things you can do is educate yourself on your sisters condition and learn to set boundaries so you do not let it effect you in a negative way. Where is her son now. He must be rather traumatised by his mothers unpredictable behaviours.There are many respurces on youtube on relationships with people with behaviour disorders. Stay strong and look after yourself. X
Hi, @martha7979 – thanks for the input for @dazlin. Wondering if you, too, have dealt with a family member who had a personality disorder?