1. < Caregivers

Caregiving: I’m frustrated and exhausted.

Posted by dem2301 @dem2301, Jun 18, 2019

My post tonight is nothing but venting and a bit of poor me. I'm caring for my husband with Parkinson's and Lewy body dementia. His daily care demands are exhausting some days besides taking care of our home, bills etc. and attempting to take care of myself which I'm not really doing very well. If I would have the listened to the nurse of 37 years(meaning me) I would have advised myself to go to the emergency room after being sob of breath and having chest pressure but no I needed to make supper, do meds, blood sugars, help him to the bathroom and be at his beck and call. I do feel better now but am so tired and I know he will call me at least twice tonight to help him. I know this sounds pretty mixed up but I just need to vent. Unless your living this no one really wants to listen. Including my own kids. It's impossible to even carry on friendships anymore, I'm unavailable when I'm invited which is becoming less frequent all the time
I don't leave him anymore unless it's to run a short errand. I had breast cancer and treatment last summer, I never skipped a beat. The day after surgery I resumed my daily care routine, drove 40 miles one way for radiation and still cared for him. I had carpal tunnel surgery in may, came home and took care of him. Like I said there is a bit of poor me involved tonight..i better quit for now. Thanks for letting me vent.

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kimspr3 | @kimspr3 | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @IndianaScott "Hi @kimspr3 Thank you for the kind words. My dad only spoke of his war experiences..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

Hi @kimspr3 Thank you for the kind words. My dad only spoke of his war experiences one time. He wanted to be sure his grandchildren knew the horrors of war so one night he told them all about it. One time and only one time.

I'll have to think about a book I'd recommend. Last one that made me smile a lot was when I reread one of Dr. Seuss' classics!

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I have to say, he was a wise man! History is to remember, never to forget. Tearing it down erases so many historical memories whether good or bad. Look at, read it learn from it. My Grandparents, My parents explained that to us, I taught my daughter. It was a valuable lesson for us.

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1 reply
rmftucker | @rmftucker | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @IndianaScott "You are too kind, @kimspr3 I love to write, but don't know if anyone would be..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

You are too kind, @kimspr3 I love to write, but don't know if anyone would be too interested in the ramblings of an old man 🙂 But I will give it some thought.

A side note -- my dad was a 1st Lt in the Army in WWII. He was awarded a Bronze Heart in the field and after landing on Omaha Beach fought across Europe and was a liberator of Langenstein Concentration Camp. He passed away before my Mom and his desire was to be cremated. There was family discord over the disposition of his ashes. My mom also wanted to be cremated and one day late in her life called me and said 'Scott, I'm worried that your dad and his service will be forgotten if he doesn't have a grave. Can you do something about this for me?' I was able to finally convince my sisters to give some of the ashes they kept and I found that the family actually still owed two plots in the cemetery where her folks and several other family were buried long ago. I designed a stone with my mom's agreement. Since Dad had never had a service, when Mom died we did a double service and were able to have it done with military honors.

Now no matter what, his service, as they say, is 'carved in stone'.

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Maybe you aren't interested in sharing your thoughts and experiences now, but having them written for future generations will be great. We can't ask our grandparents and great grandparents those questions we wish we could have while they were living, but we can read their diaries, letters and other writing they may have done. I am so thankful my mother, grandmother, and aunt were great diarists as well as letter writers and my mother very patiently saved all of that for us.

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2 replies
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @rmftucker "Maybe you aren't interested in sharing your thoughts and experiences now, but having them written for..." + (show)
@rmftucker

Maybe you aren't interested in sharing your thoughts and experiences now, but having them written for future generations will be great. We can't ask our grandparents and great grandparents those questions we wish we could have while they were living, but we can read their diaries, letters and other writing they may have done. I am so thankful my mother, grandmother, and aunt were great diarists as well as letter writers and my mother very patiently saved all of that for us.

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@rmftucker My dad was a journaler. He started in high school, and continued until not long before his death at 96 yrs young, in 2012. But, I never saw what he wrote. He kept those volumes tucked away somewhere. His writings included Pearl Harbor invasion onboard the USS Enterprise, his work in the defense industry, caretaking of my mother during her 10 yrs of Alzheimer's and dementia. He said he would leave them to me but he never put it in writing. My older sister has those ratings and she refuses to share them with me, even for a look through. You are so lucky that your mother saved that for you.
Ginger

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1 reply
kimspr3 | @kimspr3 | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@rmftucker My dad was a journaler. He started in high school, and continued until not long..." + (show)
@gingerw

@rmftucker My dad was a journaler. He started in high school, and continued until not long before his death at 96 yrs young, in 2012. But, I never saw what he wrote. He kept those volumes tucked away somewhere. His writings included Pearl Harbor invasion onboard the USS Enterprise, his work in the defense industry, caretaking of my mother during her 10 yrs of Alzheimer's and dementia. He said he would leave them to me but he never put it in writing. My older sister has those ratings and she refuses to share them with me, even for a look through. You are so lucky that your mother saved that for you.
Ginger

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Ginger, so sad to read your dad never put the Journals in your name. This is so upsetting to me. Family can be very cruel, I know my brother was aided by his nasty cruel wife who called my mother "hey you!" I had to control myself from hitting her. My mother was shy, would never stand up to her.
I don't know what else they stole when my Father died. Does your sister have children you are close with? Do you think they would bring you the Journal so you could read it without anyone knowing? Just a thought. Joining hands

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1 reply
kimspr3 | @kimspr3 | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @rmftucker "Maybe you aren't interested in sharing your thoughts and experiences now, but having them written for..." + (show)
@rmftucker

Maybe you aren't interested in sharing your thoughts and experiences now, but having them written for future generations will be great. We can't ask our grandparents and great grandparents those questions we wish we could have while they were living, but we can read their diaries, letters and other writing they may have done. I am so thankful my mother, grandmother, and aunt were great diarists as well as letter writers and my mother very patiently saved all of that for us.

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OLD is just a word. Big Smile

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1 reply
kimspr3 | @kimspr3 | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @kimspr3 "OLD is just a word. Big Smile" + (show)
@kimspr3

OLD is just a word. Big Smile

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I apologize, my reply was meant for Scott. Smile meant for you too.

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @kimspr3 "Ginger, so sad to read your dad never put the Journals in your name. This is..." + (show)
@kimspr3

Ginger, so sad to read your dad never put the Journals in your name. This is so upsetting to me. Family can be very cruel, I know my brother was aided by his nasty cruel wife who called my mother "hey you!" I had to control myself from hitting her. My mother was shy, would never stand up to her.
I don't know what else they stole when my Father died. Does your sister have children you are close with? Do you think they would bring you the Journal so you could read it without anyone knowing? Just a thought. Joining hands

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@kimspr3 Good idea. No, I am not close to my niece, physically or emotionally. We have a fairly dysfunctional family.....
Ginger

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1 reply
kimspr3 | @kimspr3 | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@kimspr3 Good idea. No, I am not close to my niece, physically or emotionally. We have..." + (show)
@gingerw

@kimspr3 Good idea. No, I am not close to my niece, physically or emotionally. We have a fairly dysfunctional family.....
Ginger

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I to came from a dysfunctional family. My brothers wife, an spoiled only child. Sharing life, love never in her vocabulary. Wishing you a good day/evening.

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1 reply
Mentor
Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @kimspr3 "I to came from a dysfunctional family. My brothers wife, an spoiled only child. Sharing life,..." + (show)
@kimspr3

I to came from a dysfunctional family. My brothers wife, an spoiled only child. Sharing life, love never in her vocabulary. Wishing you a good day/evening.

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Me too @gingerw and @kimspr3 Most of my life my dad was a raging alcoholic. Impacted my family of origin for generations now. extremely sad for sure. Damaged his job, his legacy, his children, and now even grandchildren.

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2 replies
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jul 25, 2019
In reply to @IndianaScott "Me too @gingerw and @kimspr3 Most of my life my dad was a raging alcoholic. Impacted..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

Me too @gingerw and @kimspr3 Most of my life my dad was a raging alcoholic. Impacted my family of origin for generations now. extremely sad for sure. Damaged his job, his legacy, his children, and now even grandchildren.

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@IndianaScott @kimspr3 What I say here, goes out to everyone who has had less-than-stellar family situations either while growing up or later on. Use it as a stepping stone to become your best person, not as a millstone around your neck for making excuses. This is what I have chosen to do. One sister says she is so amazed at how strong I am. I say the alternative was not an option for me.
Ginger

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