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Feel so helpless and hopeless over fiancé Long Covid

Posted by karen8 @karen8, Jun 3 11:49am

It’s been awhile since I have written … I always tell myself “ oh don’t be silly Karen- writing about your crap to people you don’t even know !! “ BUT I am again …. 5 years fiance with LC / we feel it is here to stay - he is not bedridden but he is far from who he use to be - physically and mentally - going through extra rough time “ on this sandbar , waiting for tide to take me off to a more manageable one “. His anxiety is extremely bad - his level fatigue is so frustrating and debilitating for him - 10 min at grocery store and could not get to the car fast enough then slept 12 hours ….. the point is … my nerves are shot I’m sick to my stomach - we have laughs and enjoy our time on sofa holding hands etc - the illness is NEVER far from my mind but when we talk about it which is often / my heart sinks . I don’t know I suppose I am just “ yammering “ I can’t focus or get any little thing done . Had anxiety/ocd since young girl and always a caregiver . I put on a GREAT face for everyone - I am funny and caring and smart - but crying and feel like a 10 year old on the inside . I have learned to wear my masks well through the years 🙂 thanks for listening - also caregiver to 90 year old mother who is I. A nice senior facility but if not for me would be def in assisted / dementia etc Karen…

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elliottw | @elliottw | Jun 4 10:01am

I once messaged my daughter about my spouse's care after a frustrating day of delusions, anger and wandering, "Taking care of her is paralyzing!" Venting seems an appropriate response to very difficult situations.

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anniewee | @anniewee | Jun 4 10:19am

You are not alone, dear Karen.
It is good to post and share what you are going through. We are blessed to have this forum with people we don't know in person but do know in our hearts. Although my caregiving is different from yours, I can relate to many similarities....one helpful treat I have given myself....when my husband sinks onto his deep depressions (sleeps ALOT, no eating, no talking)....I turn off the TV , enjoy the quietness of our home, read a book or do my knitting for a while, maybe take a rest myself and listen to a meditation). I look at this "challenging" time as MY TIME FOR ME.
Many who have read your post can relate...just remember...you are not alone. Sending love ❤️ and a hug.

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celia16 | @celia16 | Jun 4 8:21pm

Have you considered getting freedom and a life from caregiving? I hope you do. If I could recommend it for others I would. Full time, around the clock care is exhausting. Best wishes for better days ahead.

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Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Jun 4 9:42pm

@karen8 I’m sorry to hear about your fiancé’s health and your endless caring for him. Based on what you have written, I think it would be best for you to get help from a therapist. You describe yourself a like a 10 y.o. who cries all the time and wears a mask to hide behind. You are not able to help your fiancé unless you help yourself first. A good therapist can help you help yourself and maybe him also, but mostly you.
I may sound harsh, but you have so much going on in your life that you’re not capable of helping others, nor should you. Think about what I’ve said and maybe take some small steps toward a healthy future. I have complete faith in you!

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Mentor
Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | Jun 6 8:10am

@karen8 Your life as a caregiver to your fiancé and your mother is too much for any one person. You have a very kind heart and empathy. If you wear yourself down - and I suspect you have already done that - how will you be able to carry on as a caregiver?

I worked with Alzheimer’s disease patients and their caregivers for many years. While your fiancé does not have dementia the caregiving is no less of a burden for you to carry. One of the many things we did was to connect caregivers with in-person support groups and arrange for respite for the caregiver.

Can you leave your fiancé and mother on their own for a few hours at a time? If yes, then what would you like to do with that time? Coffee with friends? Massage? Like @becsbuddy I also would like to suggest a mental health therapist for you if you do not already have one. Mental health therapists also meet virtually so if you cannot find someone in your local area you can find a therapist within your state who is licensed to practice with you virtually. You can ask your friends for recommendations, your primary care physician or review this website:

Find a Therapist. Psychology Today:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists..*_gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjwio_RBhDMARIsAJPveNPeJBgYj2nnRylBPLRhPZL6EPFmPTHmUYLwwkU2dMl7i0nOWshc4coaAk1dEALw_wcB
What is one thing you can do for yourself, and only for you, today?

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