Feel paralyzed by my sadness and depression

@southcarolinagirl
I am sorry to hear the despair in your words. You have arrived at a good spot with this forum. It is a wonderful place to connect with good, caring and supportive people, some of whom have traveled in shoes similar to yours. Please follow the posts here on Connect. Also feel free to hunt around for previous discussions regarding depression, loneliness and desolation felt by others here. You are not really alone, I guarantee it!

I am not currently suffering depression myself, but I did have a run of 25 years in my early life where I was depressed much of the time, very depressed. Can you write more about yourself and how you arrived at your current situation? Why was your childhood home a loveless one, as you say?

Best to you, Hank

Hello @southcarolinagirl and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I see you are looking to connect with other members regarding your depression.

I want to bring in other members who have shared similar feelings in other discussions such as @jesfactsmon who has already joined, @daphne47 @jimhd and @susu2 whether they have lived with depression or have had recent bouts.

I can see that you have mentioned your husband who isn't motivated. One thing I might suggest is to focus on what you can control/influence to feel better. I attended a family program for a member with addiction and was taught something that has stuck with me for 9 years that I feel might be worth sharing with you. Essentially, think of each of our lives as a bus and there is only one driver per bus. When another bus seems to be going off the road, it does us no good to jump out of our bus and drive someone else's bus. We must drive our own bus and do things to influence our feelings and betterment. When we are feeling well enough, we can help others but not until then. Does this resonate with you?

The bus imetaphor is brilliant. When you feel depressed,though, you do not want to drive your own bus, you want someone else to drive it for you!nofcourse, in the direction you want! It is childish. You are now an adult and can drive it yourself. I wonder why so many people want to revert to being taken care of? You have many more options when you are in charge of your direction. Ofcourse it is scary.You might not succeed. Who said: if at first you don’t succeed,try,try again. It’s the energy that allows you to try again-do it-do it-do it. Focus on your head.

@susu2 that is really good perspective. As well, @southcarolinagirl I feel I maybe didn't finish my whole thought on the bus analogy. Where I was going with that was more so to recommend using your energy for yourself and taking those steps you mentioned, rather than focusing on what your husband may not be doing. Sometimes, those closest to us will follow our lead when we start to take steps toward feeling and getting better.

<p><strong>Hi I M <span class="markrq8c6c2ez" data-markjs="true" data-ogac="" data-ogab="" data-ogsc="" data-ogsb="">New</span> Here</strong></p><p>Hi, My name is Annie and I have chronic anxiety and Ocd and I feel like Im drowning.</p>

Hi Annie, just saw your post and wanted to welcome you. I have found this forum so helpful for myself...it's so good to know there are others who understand how we feel. Blessings.

@annieb0188 Would you tell the group more about what you mean when you say that you feel like you are drowning?

It doesn't sound like a hospitable place to be.

I moved your question to a previous discussion in the Depression & Anxiety group. I did this so you could connect with members like @catcr505 @dorisena @junkartist @lacy2 @marjou @lioness @hearttoheart1 @suz55 @marylcamp67 @stsopoci @southcarolinagirl @susu2

Below I have also linked the Mental Health group.
- Mental Health https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/mental-health/

You may wish to scroll through the discussions in both groups to connect with members like you.

May I ask if you are currently being treated for anxiety and OCD?

Sometimes it helps to distinguish between anxiety and depression which can be separate issues. I was not depressed because I knew I was on the right path, but I had anxiety living with other's issues. So I took a prescription at bedtime and slept it off and did well to succeed the next day. The doctor prescribed an anti-depressant which "souped me up" so much I couldn't stop working or sleep at night.
I soon stopped that and told the doctor he gave the prescription to the wrong person. I was able to stop the anxiety medicine in short order when the other person was gone from my life. My self respect was restored soon after and I am doing well in my old age. It is a difficult choice to try to live with personality problems that affect you or choose to stick it out to honor marriage vows or commitments.
At some point the choice needs to be made. I lasted 50 years in an unworkable, unloving marriage. I really don't recommend it, however.
If the other person refuses to acknowledge a serious problem or seek counseling, you must go alone, or you must change your residence.
We also need to not always accept blame for what others do that is hurtful. It destroys us. I am a whole, happy person now but it took a long time to get to this point. I try to help others but not be too interfering because solutions can be different for others. Dorisena

I really don't think it is a good idea for doctors to medicate a person because someone else is causing them big problems. Maybe on a temporary basis, perhaps. It takes two to make life better. It takes action, on the part of the suffering person. I spent years volunteering and helping others. It preserved my self respect and my initiative. Healthy nutrition and exercise and a good night's sleep is essential. Setting goals and working on a personal project is helpful.
I lived to please another person and it nearly destroyed me. We all need to take care of ourselves in order to be able to live and work with others. Dorisena

I have seen the good results that can come from medication for OCD in children and adults. One relative chose to go off the meds as she matured and is a happy, successful person who has learned to overcome her issues. No medicine now. It can happen. Dorisena