first off today I decided to return to my job at time of fatal crash that left me with ptsd, pain and just horible situation, and so today was my last day before I lost the right to demand rehire, and they bastards actually turned me down, which helps me in many ways, also means more time of boredum and possibly more tim to loose the progress I have made..
basically I suffered silently with mental health issues since second grade. but due to my fear of peoples reactions I held it in, but I clearly remember suicidal thoughts starting when I was 8 years old.... And I saw some statistics not long ago, and seems like I am a very rare survivor of children with suicidal tendencies. I just recently started seeking help, and its been what I feared a very long, painful, embarrassing, and expensive process so far and I still don't know for sure my "Diagnosis" one doctor said I resemble a cuter that don't cut.. and I laughed and said well I can't see blood or I pass out... So when I smoked pot, for the first time I actually felt normal... my mom which is anti pot extreme will ever agree my grades, my moods and my quality of life improved. Since then I have been from one drug to the next with each time ending in treatment, and then few months later I hit a wall and start doing the next worse drug... after all of this pain, a lot of horrible events, I am at this fork in the road. I was pretty much fired today when I went to get my job back that I was injured at.... So basically I got a fresh start and my fear is the next drug... only one left and I wont go that route, so I really am considering going back to pot, legally. I have talked to my pastor and parents and both agree that they don't approve because of i "not obeying the laws of the land" but if I am legal they approved... K well I have rambled on an on but regardless if it makes sense it sure was nice to get it all out... SO my question is based on opinions, beliefs and morals is it a bad idea for me to view pot as medicine and not a drug? Please be open I really want to see all views on this. I want to be-able to say I saw all sides of this before I acted, I do not want to feel guilt or remorse later