My kids don't understand my mental illness

Posted by twinkie @twinkie, Nov 25, 2019

In the past three days I’ve “lost” my son and daughter because they don’t understand my mental illness. So, so sad.

@twinkie

Hi Colleen. No activities. Pretty boring. Doing lots of reading and listening to music. Not relating to any staff or clients. Did a telepsyce with my provider and that was helpful. I like her and have known her a long time. She got me out of bed to shower and recommended a new book. I'm still so sad, lonely and heartbroken. I wish I had a family. It's hard not to, especially today 🙁

Tina

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That's great that you can be connected to your therapist by telepsyche. What book are you reading?

I get that you're still so sad, lonely and heartbroken. Today's a tough day for many people. I wonder if there are others (clients and staff) in crisis center feeling like you do and just need an invitation. Is there a common area that you could invite someone to join you for a game of cards? Or some activity that doesn't make any obliged to talk, but has you sharing space and time together?

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@twinkie

Hi Colleen. No activities. Pretty boring. Doing lots of reading and listening to music. Not relating to any staff or clients. Did a telepsyce with my provider and that was helpful. I like her and have known her a long time. She got me out of bed to shower and recommended a new book. I'm still so sad, lonely and heartbroken. I wish I had a family. It's hard not to, especially today 🙁

Tina

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@twinkie I remember spending Thanksgiving in the crisis center, and was still there for my wife's birthday on the 13th of December. I set a goal to be out before Christmas, and I made it, even though I still wasn't safe.

I've been in the hospital several times, and I felt very lonely when no one came to see me. It's hard.

Hearing from your therapist was great. Perhaps you can focus on your conversation over the next couple of days. You're there for You. Can you try to hold on to the things that are helping you? Take good care of yourself these few days.

Jim

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@colleenyoung

That's great that you can be connected to your therapist by telepsyche. What book are you reading?

I get that you're still so sad, lonely and heartbroken. Today's a tough day for many people. I wonder if there are others (clients and staff) in crisis center feeling like you do and just need an invitation. Is there a common area that you could invite someone to join you for a game of cards? Or some activity that doesn't make any obliged to talk, but has you sharing space and time together?

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Well, it wasnt my therapist, but a provider. We have to see one every day. Thanks for the positive ideas, but the people who are interacting aren't as high functioning as I am. No disrespect intended. Thanks for your support.

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@twinkie

Hi Colleen. No activities. Pretty boring. Doing lots of reading and listening to music. Not relating to any staff or clients. Did a telepsyce with my provider and that was helpful. I like her and have known her a long time. She got me out of bed to shower and recommended a new book. I'm still so sad, lonely and heartbroken. I wish I had a family. It's hard not to, especially today 🙁

Tina

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Twinkie, so happy you are in a healing environment. You may not see us but you forum buddies are with you. Blessings

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@jimhd

@twinkie I remember spending Thanksgiving in the crisis center, and was still there for my wife's birthday on the 13th of December. I set a goal to be out before Christmas, and I made it, even though I still wasn't safe.

I've been in the hospital several times, and I felt very lonely when no one came to see me. It's hard.

Hearing from your therapist was great. Perhaps you can focus on your conversation over the next couple of days. You're there for You. Can you try to hold on to the things that are helping you? Take good care of yourself these few days.

Jim

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Hi Jim, sitting here in the crisis center feeling suicidal and no one to talk to. Isnt that ironic. I just feel like I have no purpose or will to go on. Like I mean…what for. My kids dont want me in their lives, so that's gone. I just imagine lying here formulating a plan to kill myself between now and Christmas so my broken borderline heart wont hurt so much anymore. I need someone to care really care that I have these thoughts.

Twinkie

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@colleenyoung

That's great that you can be connected to your therapist by telepsyche. What book are you reading?

I get that you're still so sad, lonely and heartbroken. Today's a tough day for many people. I wonder if there are others (clients and staff) in crisis center feeling like you do and just need an invitation. Is there a common area that you could invite someone to join you for a game of cards? Or some activity that doesn't make any obliged to talk, but has you sharing space and time together?

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I'm really struggling. Thoughts of suicide running rapid. Feeling so lonely going through this alone. Dont want to tell the truth for fear they will put me in group home. Looking for support. Want to call my kids and beg for their love and attention.

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@twinkie

I'm really struggling. Thoughts of suicide running rapid. Feeling so lonely going through this alone. Dont want to tell the truth for fear they will put me in group home. Looking for support. Want to call my kids and beg for their love and attention.

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@twinkie . I hear you. I've been there. In that same awful spot you are in now. I didn't call or talk to anyone who I felt could possibly reject me. Please contact only people who give you unconditional support. My friend is in the hospital after an overdose. Thankfully she is now receiving appropriate meds and therapy and care after her attempt. She is beginning to feel better, not by much, but some. She is safe.
There is a medication I recently heard about for those of us with suicidal thoughts. It's new and works immediately. But you do need to tell your doctors that you feel actively suicidal. There is no treatment if they don't know the truth about your feelings.

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@twinkie . If you are uncomfortable with your providers, call the suicide crisis line. I'm assuming you have access to a phone . I don't have the number handy. It's online and I think our forum members will post it as well. Please advocate for yourself. Ask people you trust for what you need. Do not give up. I know we're out here in virtual space but so many of us are telling you we're not giving up and we are here for support.

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@twinkie

I'm sorry that you're in a place where you are safe, but aren't being heard. I remember thinking how I could end my life right there in the safe house. It's not supposed to be possible there, but the thoughts and compulsion didn't stop. I hadn't cried since I was a child, but the second day there all of the stored up tears started flowing. I called the pastor in that city and asked him if he would bring me some real Kleenex. The ones available there were cheap ones, and I was getting sore from their roughness. I went through one box and gave someone else the other one who needed the same thing. I think that the tears were as therapeutic as any of the group sessions were. Are you experiencing that tear therapy?

Something else was missing, I thought, and I suggested to the staff that touch therapy would be something they should consider. I know that it would have been healing for me.

I hope you can release some of your emotional pain the next couple of days in a way that could salve your torn up heart. It was a turning point for me.

Jim

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@twinkie

Hi Jim, sitting here in the crisis center feeling suicidal and no one to talk to. Isnt that ironic. I just feel like I have no purpose or will to go on. Like I mean…what for. My kids dont want me in their lives, so that's gone. I just imagine lying here formulating a plan to kill myself between now and Christmas so my broken borderline heart wont hurt so much anymore. I need someone to care really care that I have these thoughts.

Twinkie

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Dear Twinkie, this is Peach. I was getting ready to log off when I read your post. Me, myself and I plus many others have gone through what you are experiencing now. We cry for you and my instincts for you are pushing me to say: F— them, f— them all. Who are they to do and be what they are? You are the person who is loved by many, many others. Now is the time for flight or fight. Fight them with all your might. Believe in yourself, I do and so do many others who do not even know you. For we have been there where you are now and did fight. Things will be a little better, the sun does come out and find a project for you and your mind to work on. It does work but you must, must be the fighter. IT DOES WORK FOR HERE I AM. Be positive and find that project to keep you busy. With much love Peach

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@twinkie thinking of you on Friday. I know you must be overstimulated with all of our good wishes, personal stories, and everything going on around you where you are now. I think it's helpful to just listen and allow yourself to filter out what feels right for you in terms of taking a positive step. Thank you for staying in touch. Blessings

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@georgette12

@twinkie . If you are uncomfortable with your providers, call the suicide crisis line. I'm assuming you have access to a phone . I don't have the number handy. It's online and I think our forum members will post it as well. Please advocate for yourself. Ask people you trust for what you need. Do not give up. I know we're out here in virtual space but so many of us are telling you we're not giving up and we are here for support.

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Dear Twinkie, Georgette is right. Please,listen to her. See? I told you there are many people wanting the best for you and Georgette knows the way and I thank you Georgette very much for helping Twinkie. Also Jim and he is right, a good cry does help. I love you Twinkie, Peach

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@twinkie . Am going out to shovel snow. I'll pass this thought on to you. How do you eat an elephant?ONE BITE AT A TIME! Whether you are shoveling snow, or working on getting well, I'm thinking that's a good thought

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@georgette12

@twinkie . Am going out to shovel snow. I'll pass this thought on to you. How do you eat an elephant?ONE BITE AT A TIME! Whether you are shoveling snow, or working on getting well, I'm thinking that's a good thought

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Thank you all for your support. I am going to be admitted to the hospital
voluntarily. I think it is in my best interest at this time. Not sure if
everyone will see this, but could someone make sure they do. I loved
everything and all of the support. Thank you. I will come back on and
update when I can.

Twinkie

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Yay @twinkie ! You've taken that first bite out of the elephant. You're on the road!

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