Is your ex-husband still living? Telling your adult kids the truth would be kind of scary for me. Do you have a will? Your story could be included with it.
Do you have friends who knew what was going on with your husband back at the time you left him?
You said that you've talked about this with your psychiatrist. I wonder if your family would be willing to sit in some sessions, perhaps your doctor would agree to be a facilitator when you're ready to tell them the truth about their father. I don't remember if you have said if they have ever seen him. Such a sad, messed up world we live in.
Hello Jim Peach here. Their father died about forty years ago and they knew of this. He lived with a woman who had two young sons for about nine years and then she threw him out. (I would love to know why.) Any way even if I would have a funeral they will not be there. My son told me so. I know I should write a very exposing letter to them. My dead husbands family was very small and they are all gone. My family is also very few left. Don't forget I am 82 years old now. Your suggestion of having my psychiatrist mentor this is a wonderful suggestion. Of course I will attempt this but they will not talk to me and will be very negative to any of this. Will try anyway. Thank you. Peach
By the way, @peach414144 , I definitely think your dog and red cat need you at home and you also need them. Good for you! I work in Assisted living facilities and agree with your choice . Your passion to help people will open the door for you. There are all sorts of things you can do without even leaving the house.
Dear Georgette, Yes you are correct. My kids should know the whole truth. No matter what the outcome is. When I hear some one else say this it enforces my way of thinking. I thank you Peach
Is your ex-husband still living? Telling your adult kids the truth would be kind of scary for me. Do you have a will? Your story could be included with it.
Do you have friends who knew what was going on with your husband back at the time you left him?
You said that you've talked about this with your psychiatrist. I wonder if your family would be willing to sit in some sessions, perhaps your doctor would agree to be a facilitator when you're ready to tell them the truth about their father. I don't remember if you have said if they have ever seen him. Such a sad, messed up world we live in.
What a challenging decision! Finding a reputable counselor would be a reputable counselor, maybe a family counselor. I'd suggest that you talk with the counselor alone before you say anything to your kids.
A counselor might work with you on the reasons for telling your kids, as well as reasons not to tell them; are you doing it for your own benefit; how telling them might affect you - or how not telling could affect you. Those are just a few questions you could be asked to explore. I'm not saying that you should answer any of that kind of question to us - unless you want to. We're just here to listen and lend our support. I'll be praying for you, that God will give you wisdom in handling this.
PS I wrote this before I read your post. It's good that you have a good psychiatrist. Have they ever suggested that you see a family counselor?
Hi Jim, Yes to see a family counselor. I have done this many years ago but none of them would answer to this and I was ignored. Now it is much later in our lives and I want to try again.
@peach414144 . I believe in my heart that our children need to know the truth. I had to tell my 6 year old son that his father had just killed himself . This same son has a brother who killed himself 3 years ago in the same tragic manner. I'm 75 and have had lots of practice trying to decide whether I should tell my children the truth. In my own opinion, children need to know who their parents are. They are then invited to decide with knowledge, how to move into the future. By the way, I'm thinking you deserve to be loved for the loving mom you always have been. And as for your son, he sounds like an incredibly strong person, and you could both love and lean on and support each other. Blessings.
Thank you for acknowledging me. I did feel like I got sidetracked and forgotten about. I just saw my therapist . It helped. I'm now staying at a crisis center until Saturday. I think it's a pretty good plan to keep me safe from self harm. The only thing is that it's pretty lonely as most people all but two dont come out. And anyway I'm feeling pretty lonely because I have no family connections for the holidays. This causes me to feel sad and broken hearted. I miss my kids so much. But since last Thursday two of them have indicated that they dont want me in their life. It feels as if they have died. I am so grievious. The only thing I know that I have done wrong is have a mental illness. I have supported and loved them unconditionally beyond jugement.
@twinkie That was a smart decision, to stay in a crisis center for a few days. I hope that while there you are able to connect with others who can become a "new" type of family for you. Like @jimhd has said, support is so critical to find, both professional and others in similar situations as yourself. I have few family connections myself, and years ago my twin brother told both me and a potential employer that I have mental issues, and he wouldn't trust me. Haven't heard from him in over 20 years. So I had to extend myself to find others of my like mind. It's hard to do, and being vulnerable like that is scary. I hope the next few days bring you some comfort, and help you see a different path to take and feel better. We care about you and want to hear how it goes for you.
Ginger
This Thanksgiving I want to thank our forum members and mentors for sharing such deep and searing feelings. There are no words that adequately express my appreciation for those who have opened their hearts and bared their souls. Many blessings.
@twinkie I hope your stay will be healing. When we're at the place, so close to the brink, we truly need to be with people who understand where we are, people who are equipped to pull us back from the brink of death. Even so, you need to speak up either in group sessions or in a private time with counselors, and be sure that they know just how fragile you are. They may not realize the severity of your struggle.
The place I went to was not a residential facility, but organized only for short term crisis intervention. Can you stay longer if you feel you need to? I pray the best for you 🙏
Thank you for acknowledging me. I did feel like I got sidetracked and forgotten about. I just saw my therapist . It helped. I'm now staying at a crisis center until Saturday. I think it's a pretty good plan to keep me safe from self harm. The only thing is that it's pretty lonely as most people all but two dont come out. And anyway I'm feeling pretty lonely because I have no family connections for the holidays. This causes me to feel sad and broken hearted. I miss my kids so much. But since last Thursday two of them have indicated that they dont want me in their life. It feels as if they have died. I am so grievious. The only thing I know that I have done wrong is have a mental illness. I have supported and loved them unconditionally beyond jugement.
Hi @twinkie, I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you today and that you're not alone. I and other members of this community are only a cyber click away. Are there any activities or a special meal planned at the crisis center today? How are you doing?
Hi @twinkie, I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you today and that you're not alone. I and other members of this community are only a cyber click away. Are there any activities or a special meal planned at the crisis center today? How are you doing?
Hi Colleen. No activities. Pretty boring. Doing lots of reading and listening to music. Not relating to any staff or clients. Did a telepsyce with my provider and that was helpful. I like her and have known her a long time. She got me out of bed to shower and recommended a new book. I'm still so sad, lonely and heartbroken. I wish I had a family. It's hard not to, especially today 🙁
Connect
Connect
Like
Helpful
Hug
Hello Jim Peach here. Their father died about forty years ago and they knew of this. He lived with a woman who had two young sons for about nine years and then she threw him out. (I would love to know why.) Any way even if I would have a funeral they will not be there. My son told me so. I know I should write a very exposing letter to them. My dead husbands family was very small and they are all gone. My family is also very few left. Don't forget I am 82 years old now. Your suggestion of having my psychiatrist mentor this is a wonderful suggestion. Of course I will attempt this but they will not talk to me and will be very negative to any of this. Will try anyway. Thank you. Peach
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsDear Georgette, Yes you are correct. My kids should know the whole truth. No matter what the outcome is. When I hear some one else say this it enforces my way of thinking. I thank you Peach
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionYes Jim, the people who told me what they saw my husband doing were my friends and neighbors. Thank you. Peach
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionHi Jim, Yes to see a family counselor. I have done this many years ago but none of them would answer to this and I was ignored. Now it is much later in our lives and I want to try again.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHello Georgette 12 this is Peach. I think you did the right thing when you told your young son the truth. It is what is is, Good luck. Peach
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@twinkie That was a smart decision, to stay in a crisis center for a few days. I hope that while there you are able to connect with others who can become a "new" type of family for you. Like @jimhd has said, support is so critical to find, both professional and others in similar situations as yourself. I have few family connections myself, and years ago my twin brother told both me and a potential employer that I have mental issues, and he wouldn't trust me. Haven't heard from him in over 20 years. So I had to extend myself to find others of my like mind. It's hard to do, and being vulnerable like that is scary. I hope the next few days bring you some comfort, and help you see a different path to take and feel better. We care about you and want to hear how it goes for you.
Ginger
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsThis Thanksgiving I want to thank our forum members and mentors for sharing such deep and searing feelings. There are no words that adequately express my appreciation for those who have opened their hearts and bared their souls. Many blessings.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 Reactions@twinkie I hope your stay will be healing. When we're at the place, so close to the brink, we truly need to be with people who understand where we are, people who are equipped to pull us back from the brink of death. Even so, you need to speak up either in group sessions or in a private time with counselors, and be sure that they know just how fragile you are. They may not realize the severity of your struggle.
The place I went to was not a residential facility, but organized only for short term crisis intervention. Can you stay longer if you feel you need to? I pray the best for you 🙏
Jim
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHi @twinkie, I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you today and that you're not alone. I and other members of this community are only a cyber click away. Are there any activities or a special meal planned at the crisis center today? How are you doing?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHi Colleen. No activities. Pretty boring. Doing lots of reading and listening to music. Not relating to any staff or clients. Did a telepsyce with my provider and that was helpful. I like her and have known her a long time. She got me out of bed to shower and recommended a new book. I'm still so sad, lonely and heartbroken. I wish I had a family. It's hard not to, especially today 🙁
Tina
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 Reactions