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Faith and dementia: Struggling to attend church
My wife and I are struggling with attending church. She was the church organist/guitar player at our parish for 47 years. She was pregnant with our first son now 49 when she started. She had anxiety almost every Sunday before mass. She was a perfectionist.
It was her mission. We had a choir for 20 years. Our little parish of 80 families can outsing a parish triple our size, because of my wifes playing and teaching new songs. . She was also the church secretary/bookkeeper for 20 of those years. People would bring church business to after the service. It was her ministry, her mission.
She retired from the secretary job 4 years ago and 2 years ago was forced to retire after she started having cognitive decline. Today, she can't play the piano or the guitar. She can't follow the music. Heck, she can't even find her pew coming back from communion. She is too embarrassed to even go to our old church because everyone can see what has happened to her. To say our faith has been tested is an understatement. We hav been watching masses on tv on Sunday morning. And just the last two weekends, we attended mass at a much larger parish where we are relatively unknown. I guess it's a matter of just accepting where we are and try to get back. What are you doing?
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@lcl44 I have not said anything yet, but this is a good idea. Thank you!
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1 Reaction@kris7376 Do the minister or other church members visit people who can't leave their homes? Maybe you can contact her or him to ask what kind of outreach the church offers.
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4 Reactions@kris7376 Can your husband be left unattended for a few hours while you attend church? If they are unaware of your condition as well as your husbands, they need to be brought up to date. Y'all need prayer more than anything else. Call you pastor, his wife, Sunday school teacher, deacon or anyone you trust. They are you best support! How can they minister to you if they don't know what's going on? As far as your being be embarrassed about forgetting names, church family should love you unconditionally, therefore you don't need to concern yourself about anyone judging you. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your husband alone, maybe a family member, neighbor or friends could take one Sunday a month and stay with him while you get back to fellow shipping with your church family who, I'm sure, cares deeply for you both. I feel certain someone would be more than happy to pick you up, so you don't have to be scared to drive. Tell a trusted friend at church that you might possibly get overwhelmed. That way, she can remove you from the situation without causing any embarrassment. Please remember there should never be any reason to be embarrassed among you church family who love you!
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3 ReactionsLast year, my husband who never missed Mass, suddenly did not want to go so we watched Mass on TV on several different services and found one he particuly liked. He participated and said the prayers and was much more spiritual. I spoke with our pastor who gave us permission to not attend Mass in person but sends the Eucharistic misister to give us communion weekly. I miss attending Mass in person but the last time I did so, it was so distracting that I actually enjoy adoring Christ on TV. So many changes in life! I pray I am doing what God wants me to do!
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