Dying Well

@larak I’m a firm believer in trying to stay home and out of care facilities for as long as possible!

I really need help with this. I don’t have anything in place. No living will…nothing. My wish is that I can be cremated and my ashes spread in a very specific location (where my dogs ashes will be spread). What are the first steps.

@eway60 You can get forms of Living Will(s) from Hospitals or your state... by placing in google the name of your state and the words Living Will. Just try different wordings and you will see all.
Also their are multiple Living Will Forms available to see and download on the internet. Review some of them to get ideas etc. or find one you can print out and use. Always best to have two witnesses not related to you and notorized.
I read several and took what I liked from all the information I gathered and wrote my own.

If you have a computer and printer you can do your own. They are are very much alike. Best to see what your state has.
Truly easy once you have an idea of your wishes and what you do or do not want. The DNR can be expressed in your Living Will or a separate form....I will probably do a separate form also to be on the safe side besides placing the preference in my Living Will.
Hospital is CPR out of hospital is the DNR...Do Not Resusitate.
All are available from your state or local hospitals.
Barbara
P.S. The first step should be to know who you will want as your Proxy....the person who can speak for you if you can't speak for yourself.
Do you have a Power of Attorney Form for Health Care and Power of Attorney for Financial?
The legal paperwork is so important not only for us but for those we know will have to do all if we bcome incapacited or after our taking our next journey.

@blm1007blm1007
You should also be able to schedule an appointment with the funeral director of your choice if you wish to make preliminary arrangements with them according to your wishes. They can guide you to some of the things that you need to do beforehand. Before my mom passed, she had made all of her arrangements and prepaid. I plan to do the same at some point in my future.

@eway60

Eway- Learn about the Neptune Society They are an economical alternative that can handle cremation and all details including memorial service if desired.
[neptunesociety.com]
My small family live far away and I don't want to leave my funeral planning responsibilities to my wife. It is also possible that we will move to a care facility in a different city before I die, so I have made arrangements with the Neptune Society. Everything is prepared and paid for, where ever I die, one phone call is all that is needed. My body will be picked up, all the legal paperwork completed, and so on.
So far my wife can't decide what she wants for herself. Perhaps our friend's recent death may move her.

By the way, my ashes will be mixed with my dog's ashes and scattered by friends along our favorite woods walk. Frederick the Great wanted to be buried with his greyhounds. I believe it was finally done about 200 years after his death.

@edsutton

We've done the same Ed. It gives us a feeling of relief to know this task will not fall to someone else. S

@kjoed53 This is a helpful point. I bought myself a plot many years ago and at age 68 pre-paid my funeral. I come from an immigrant family that took very seriously the need to not burden the family with death expenses, either expected or unexpected. When my first husband died--I was 41--I was shocked by the expense. So I didn't want to leave anything messy for my current husband or my daughter's family. I felt very happy about this, and enjoyed planning things at the funeral home. I want a traditional Jewish funeral, and although I live in a predominantly Catholic Hispanic town I found the funeral director sensitive and knowledgeable. We chatted a bit about culture and music, and I felt unpressured and was able to get exactly what I wanted.. The whole thing felt very peaceful. I like the feeling of staying put in my adopted hometown, which has been so good to me. for over 40 years.

@eway60 You have had some great responses to your question about first steps. Take a few minutes [or more!], grab a cup of coffee or tea, and write down what you would like to see accomplished. Don't leave it to your memory to serve you right now. Review your list and revise it when needed. Pick a trusted family member or friend to act as your advocate if you become incapacitated.

In 2015 I did just that, and prepaid for my death expenses. Even wrote my obituary, leaving out the dates/cause of death! It is a transferable arrangement, meaning no matter where I end up, this goes with me. Good thing, as I have relocated three times since then. In 2021 my now-husband and I did our joint paperwork, but it is time to review/modify it all.
Ginger

@kjoed53 Yes, thanks.
I havein thee past I inquired with Dignity Pre Paid Funerals.
I will be doing that again, looking into a prepaid guaranteed plan.
Hope most people know that they can either buy a guaranteed plan or a non-guranteed plan.
Meaning locked in price with guaranteed plan.
My paperwork and additional paperwork will have much information in it for many things related to all they might need to know and things they need to know, for sure. For example I called the State Funeral Board and requested from the State Funeral Board a full listing of Crematory/Funeral Homes in this area and will be visiting a few to decide all.
It really takes a great deal of preparation and thought to help our Representatives.
Barbara

@blm1007blm1007
My mom knew the funeral director from past experience so I think that made it easier. I live in NJ and I can't speak for how it works in other states, but here when you prepay for any of the burial services the funds go into a state trust fund so if your chosen funeral home goes out of business or is sold, your money is safe. I'll be using the same funeral home that we used for our daughter. They have options for cremation, green burial or standard burial.