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Does anyone else?
Just wondering if anyone else ends up buying multiples of things that our alzheimer loved ones tend to misplace or lose on a regular basis. With my wife I have bought multiple tweezers which she accuse me of taking. I find them scattered all around the house but keep adding to her supply. Or her socks, which every pair is a different color or style and somehow she tends to lose one sock so now many orphans.
I have gone in her bathroom on many occasions to collate and organize her things finding multiples of the same product scattered about. My collecting and sorting never seems to last more than a day and then her frustration ramps up and ends in an agitation event, just like right now! It seems that Amazon has a direct path to our driveway.
I am frustrated and tired of this scene playing over and over every night but have tried to maintain some humor so I don’t go off the deep end of caregivers burnout.
The doctor gave me a drug to add to her list Buspirone, for her sundowning outbursts but after reading about it I am a bit Leary to start her on it as it is a type of sedative, I think.
Anyone have experience with with this medication?
B
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B, you might apologize sincerely for misplacing her things. Do your collecting and sorting at night when she is asleep. Keep the collections in sorted boxes for when things goes missing, again. Order socks in the same--her favorite color. Play more of her favorite music (and take the Buspirone yourself when you need it--the only thing I'm joking about.) Try to remember all of her favorite things, comb her hair and massage her shoulders, charm her the way you did when you were courting. Always be on her side; there won't be any scenes.
Bless you both.
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5 Reactions@gently
Thanks
I have tried those techniques but it just seems to make her more agitated and unable to talk to. Usually by morning and into the rest of the day it is like nothing was amiss. Like someone playing with the off/on switch. This routine has become more of a regular thing over the last few weeks.
B
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1 Reactionloss55, like you I would try everything before resorting to medications. Buspirone is thought to be safe.
I've read that morning sunlight and vitamin d can have a positive effect on "sundowners." You might switch the evening routine around. Maybe get a full spectrum light. Music can go a long way. Some pleasure that she can look forward to in the evening. I'm wishing you the best, but recognizing that these situations are impossible.
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3 ReactionsYou mentioned reorganizing her things over and over. What happens if you just leave them unorganized? If everything is out she can find it. Would she sit through a short meditation on YouTube? Might be helpful for you both. No good answer for sure. This path is a very difficult one.
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1 Reaction@jenniferkr
The trouble is that she leaves her things where ever she might be at the time, then of course can’t remember where she left them. So the next thing is somebody took “it” most likely she believes it was me. Or it got thrown out etc. when she looks for something the drawers start to slam the cabinet doors are ripped open and slammed shut. She doesn’t search in a slow observant pace. She essentially just stuffs her whatever’s in any place she finds. Yesterday evening she went on a rant looking for her hand mirror which of course I took!
After a few minutes of careful searching I found it stuffed under some clothing in her closet. That made it worse as she accused me of purposely hiding it to make her feel “dumb” This is the way most days end the past few weeks. I have tried to consolidate her things by category into one place or pile but by the next day it has been scattered to the “wind”
It’s a good thing I’m not a drinker🙃
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1 ReactionWell, lost55, you have to admit that you are constantly moving her things. You might get more organized with spares. There are certain things that she uses everyday that are always getting lost. There are the tweezers, which you have plenty of replacements for, the socks, which I hope you have purchased replacements for in the color she loves most and the hand mirror. Buy (at least) couple of really pretty hand mirrors to delight her with when one goes missing.
I know you haven't apologized, yet.
Admire her spirit.
She can't change, you must.
@gently
Interesting you mention tweezers. I just spent 10 minutes with my wife looking over my shoulder hunting for the said tweezers, which I found in a dresser drawer stuffed under some old cloth bags. I have indeed tried the apology method but she is at the state where she just doesn’t buy it..
I can only keep on trying.
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1 Reaction@lost55 I do not even have words....so sorry. Yes, I would likely try the medication. May keep you both safer. Agree if. you were a drinker it would increase for sure.
@lost55, wait, what happened to the multiples of tweezers that you have found all over the house. You need to have the spare at the ready so she isn't tortured by one minute much less 10 minutes of distress.
You are doing all the hard things, lost, but you are doing them the hard way. It's stressful for both of you. Worse for her with the threat of drugs looming.
Honestly, she isn't accusing you of anything. The dementia is accusing you, Not separating the two is wearing you down. You've no contract with dementia, it will continue to surprise you. There will come a day when you would gladly return to these days and these problems because they are so much easier that what will follow.
You are genuinely, admirably there with her.
Really celebrate what remains.